to ask why society hates single mums?

[maxxytoe]

Just why?
I very rarely see the press mention anything about single mums in a good way , it's always vilifying them for being single , on benefits etc
Even on facebook people I know (who have been raised by single mums may I add ) do status' saying something along the lines of 'the single mums will be out spending the child benefit in town tonight'

There's a guy at my work who got custody of his children and people cant praise him enough and say how he's doing a great job etc
But yet my colleague who is a single mum doesn't get the same ?

What is societies problem with single mums?!

perfectly pleasant in the face of some fairly intense lines of questioning i might add. over a course of nearly a decade. It's not an every day occurrence

"If anyone bothered to Google for a few seconds they'd find that 62% of lone parents are in work. Of the 38% not in work some will be students/carers/disabled or have young babies at home. So out of 1.9 million unemployed around 60000-80000 are lone parents, the other 1.8 million odd are not. Doesn't make for a very exciting headline though does it. I wonder what percentage of married mothers work?"

In the UK we have the highest numbers of working mothers in the EU - married and unmarried.

And that's because it usually takes two incomes to keep a family going in as a result of high housing and other living costs.

According to the Joseph Rowntree foundation a single parent with two school aged children would need to earn ??33K a year in order to meet what the public defines as a 'minimum income' standard (ie what the public think is needed for a minimum acceptable standard of living).

Given that the average UK salary for women working full-time is 24K, that does leave a massive shortfall for many women who are bringing up families alone and without the financial support of their bastard non-child support paying ex-partners.

lurking what you say is so true! There is one woman who was quite distant to me whilst being friendly to women standing right beside me! It seemed a bit pointed. I didn't obsess over it because she wasn't exactly unpleasant to me either but I mentioned it to my mother and she said, oh, well, Carole's family are in Trade. My mother is of a much older generation. She is always pleasant to everybody. But in her view, it was a remarkable turnaround that somebody whose family were 'in trade' was being cool to her daughter! I am not buying in to that crap but I think you're right that it is people who come from a situation where not being judged themselves is a recent phenomenon! They are first in, and they're putting all eyes on you as a candidate for first out. Another woman who was quite distant to me whilst being all over my friends, her father was a car sales man who narrowly escaped prison for some sort of dodgy dealing. I would never have judged her for that!! what her father did was not her fault, but when I was later told that, it made some sense. SO yeh, I've got to try and understand people's own social insecurities and not take them personally because they really do come from a place of 'how did I get in the door here?' :-p not anything to do with me!

I have no problem believing that urbane it sounds familiar!
I think a lot of the reason I get the judging is because I don't fit the stereotype. I sometimes think in part it's because if I showed signs of coming from a deprived background or not being aspirational etc they could write me off as not knowing any better. As it is I think I confuse them, and they need to find out if I chose lone parenting as a profitable career. More confusing still is the fact that for various entirely explainable and honest reasons I have always appeared to have a better income than I do. Eg in a min wage job years ago I drove a new expensive car. Because my friend was abroad for 6 months, and insuring and putting petrol in it was cheaper for me than using public transport, and gave me the freedom to get a better paid job. And plenty of other explainable stuff, some more noticeable, some less so. And as a double whammy for the mail reading crew, dd is a different colour to me, so of course they have all the joy of 'I'm not a racist but' mentality to combine with the lone parent stereotype. And of course 'where is her dad from' is a perfect opener to their intrusive questions on why you are a single parent.

Yy on plenty of married parents costing the tax payer more. As I have explained, in detail to some offenders.

I am a single parent but not by choice. My husband had an affair and left. I have been fortunate that I have been hugely supported by friends and family and nobody has yet looked down their nose at me (with the exception of OW who gets great pleasure out of my difficult situation). I would be extremely angry and indeed defensive if anybody commented on my status in a derogatory way.

I have two beautiful children, one with ASD. They are loved, fed, warm, clothed and cared for. I do everything for them. My husband does exactly nothing. I hate that a man can just swan off to become step-daddy to somebody else's child while abandoning his own, which is so often the case, yet I have seen single parents treated with derision at times, not least in the media DailyFail.

I don't expect praise for being a mother and raising the children I gave birth to. However, I do think being a single parent is a role that is often fraught with difficulties that are not readily recognised. However, at the end of the day, I would rather be bringing up my children alone than be stuck with an abusive, lazy, unfaithful tosser.

According to stats a quarter of all families are single parent which suggests it's daft to try to generalize.

wow. a quarter?

Makes me think that the couples feel confident putting themselves forward and the single parents hang back on the edge of a situation.

Surlycue, to reply to your comment, I hate when people praise something which is not an achievement because everybody else manages just the same!

I am fed up with people who think they should get special help, financial or others, when the rest of us struggle, but hey, it's ok!

Makes me think that the couples feel confident putting themselves forward and the single parents hang back on the edge of a situation.

I don't recognise this real-life "married" vs "single" parent divide.

I hate when people praise something which is not an achievement because everybody else manages just the same!

Firstly, it isnt praise of a perceived "achievement". It is simply acknowledging that single parents can struggle at some aspects (like when theyre ill) more than those who have partners living with them. No-one is saying "well done you for achieving your parenting goals whilst being sick" people are just saying "it must be harder for single parents when they're sick and have small DC" you really seem irrationally angry about that. are you really so jealous of anything that is said about single parents? Would you react the same if someone said "disabled parents must find it really hard when they are ill"?

Secondly, everyone doesnt manage just the same. Thats the whole point. If youre partnered you have a partner there to share the load.

I am fed up with people who think they should get special help, financial or others, when the rest of us struggle

i'm not understanding your logic here. People shouldnt get help when they need it because you are struggling?

SurlyCue, back to the context:

-It's hard to be sick with young children: yes
-It's easier to be sick with children when you are in a relationship and both are on benefits chilling all day: probably
-It's harder to be sick with children when you are single than when you are married with a full-time working husband, who is not even in the country for months: why exactly? Does a wedding ring gives you magical power I wasn't aware of?

I am not jealous of anything. The majority of single mums are single by choice, wanted a kid but were not committed enough to get married, so it's their problem, why should I pay for them, and why should I shed a tear for them. My tax should be used for widows and people whose struggles are not self-inflicted, there are more than enough in this country unfortunately.

I am not congratulating someone who was too selfish to think about consequences for the poor kids who hasn't asked for any of that nonsense.

The majority of single mums are single by choice

Yes I'm sure you need to tell yourself this for whatever reason, it makes you feel better about your own life or something pathetic but you know its bollocks.

My tax should be used for widows and people whose struggles are not self-inflicted

are you a higher rate tax payer?

I have no family aside from my severely disabled DS. I'm also single. I win

" Single Mums will announce that their children 'Don't need a Dad' and that they can be both Mum and Dad... which is daft. "

do you know what, I have never ever heard even ONE single mother saying that.

just had a disturbing idea. Maybe 1 of the reasons single mothers are hated by married mothers is because the married ones would really like to be single too but don't want to give up the married advantages = jealousy??

I am not congratulating someone

Who the fuck asked you too?

Youre having some ridiculous argument that youve made up in your head that doesnt exist and using it to stir up shite on this thread. If this stuff annoys you then stay of the thread. What your saying isnt relevant to this thread.

car0line123 your posts are beyond offensive and utterly ridiculous. The statement "most single parents are single by choice" is the most ludicrous thing I have ever read. Funnily enough, I am NOT a single parent by choice, I was put in that position by my husband having an affair with a widow (you know, one of those who you think deserves help), who between them have systematically destroyed me in every way, including financially. Thus, I ended up on benefits in my mid forties having been a working taxpayer since I was 15 years old. How dare you make such generalisations. If you think this situation is easy, you really ought to educate yourself. I am desperate to get myself out of this hole I have been left in and will make sure I do.

I do not know anybody in a similar situation who either likes it, or made a "choice". Perhaps you'd like to tell my children what a waste of space you consider their mother to be!!!

Mrs C dinnae fash yerself, she is just some 'smug married' waiting for life to slap her in the face..

Ignore her, she hasnt a clue what shes talking about. Not worth getting upset over or feeling you have to justify your own situation.

Thanks Twm and Surly...some people women who should know better eh?!

Oh dear... Being married means you can either divorce or worst become a widow, not exactly the same than a single mother. I stand by what I said.

Anyway, it's lovely and sunny here, I am taking the kids to the beach and wish you all a very good day.

More time with the kids, less time arguing online!

Being married means you can either divorce or worst become a widow, not exactly the same than a single mother. I stand by what I said.

I have absolutely no idea what point you are attempting to make here.

" Being married means you can either divorce or worst become a widow, not exactly the same than a single mother."

how is a widow or divorcee not a single mother? Seriously confused now.

OOHHH she means 'unmarried slut of a mother'.
You should have been clearer, Caroline!

And why arent you at work earning all that tax money?