To ask about nursery or childminder

[Shiningdew]

I am looking round some next week and thought I'd throw it out there tonight - which do you use and why? :)

YABU that one of your reasons for preferring a nursery is that you'd feel somehow "replaced" by a sole carer. We all have our hang ups about childcare choices but surely what matters most is that DC are happy and bond with the person or people caring for them?

Ds (now 20) went to a childminder. I had PND so didn't actually think anything through as I might well have thought oh I don't want him to bond too much with one person.
The outcome? She, the CM, was brilliant, he still sees her when he goes back to the village where we lived and takes her and her mum out for lunch to catch up. He was treated like part of their family. We had no family nearby, so he had another set of grandparents, he met all childminders friends and their children. For years I would be out with Ds and somebody would say "hello Isthis Ds". He even went camping with the cm and her friend and friends daughter, the same age plus CM own two slightly older children.
She made my life and that of Ds amazing. I really truly cannot thank her enough. And no he didn't love her and not me, love is not finite but all encompassing, there was plenty of love for both of us and Ds was always happy. And cm told me things I wouldn't have known or understood, she told me he had processing issues and problems with both fine and gross motor skills. I had no idea (at the time) what that meant and how to deal with it. I often think back to just how very lucky we were.
Good luck in whatever you chose and remember you don't have to stick with th decision you make, children really are more resilient than we give them credit for. IMHO obviously.

Eminybob, my grand-daughter did not have one single cold or infection until she started nursery at ten months, and then it seemed like one a week! It might be a pain at the time but apparently it's good for building up a robust immune system!

I went for a childminder for greater flexibility and because ds wouldn't just be one amongst 15 or 20 children. The first one was in her home, and she was fantastic - very experienced and so sensible. There was no issue about ds particularly bonding to her, she looked after a couple of other children and had three older children of her own. The next one came to our house and wasn't a great success: the dcs said she left them on their own a lot, and she was very jobsworth: she'd be waiting on the doorstep in her coat when I came back, whereas I liked to have a quick chat by way of a handover.

Third one also came to our house and was initially great. But after a time I realised that my belongings were mysteriously getting broken or torn when no-one else's were, and that we seemed to be getting through the groceries at an inordinately fast rate. Usually dh got back before me so I didn't see her usually, but once when I was back first I noticed we seemed to have got through kitchen towels very quickly and there just happened to be a mahoosive wodge of kitchen towels of exactly the same pattern in her bag. Ultimately it became clear that she fancied dh and I got rid, and by then I decided the dc were able to to to after school club or look after themselves.

-- that should be "able to go to after school club"

OP - I understand where you are coming from re the bonding thing and as an immediate reaction from a mother at the prospect of another woman looking after her child it's probably quite 'normal'. I confess to similar feelings myself at the prospect. However it is better for the DC to bond with someone who delivers their care, and when it actually happens you realise that it doesn't detract from how they feel about you as their mum! A good bond with a carer adds to their life, it doesn't replace anything!

Our nursery handbook has a list of all staff, with their qualifications and start date on it - and I'm sure any nursery which is proud of their staff retention would be happy to let you have something similar.

My DS started with his CM when he was 10 months old and she is absolutely amazing!!!!

He's 17 months old now and he loves going there. She takes him on day trips out all the time, she takes him out for lunch with her own two sons, she picks him up/drops him off if me or DH have transport issues, she changes what days she can have him at really late notice (I.e if my shifts change last minute) and she even provides a little bit of childcare on days he's not supposed to be there if I need it. For example, she once has him for two hours so I could collect my new car and an another occasion she knew I wasn't feeling well so offered to take DS out for the day so I could get some sleep.

If he has a bit of nappy rash she will go out and buy him some Metanium and the other day he came home with a new jumper, a new t-shirt and some new jogging bottoms.

She never asks me for money towards the days out she takes him or for when she takes him out for lunch.

She is just wonderful and I love the fact she thinks so much of DS. I absolutely trust her 100% and know that DS gets the most fantastic care from her.

Thanks :)

I'm leaning towards a nursery primarily because I need the absolute certainty I won't be let down - as I've said we've no grandparents to help and I haven't worked for a while so I do want my job to work out and am nervous enough!

I am a child-minder/nanny. I've worked in a nursery and seen the good and bad points of it.

It's great for children to interact with others their own age and is a great for getting them ready for school but unless you have a nursery that are great at interacting with parents it all goes to pot. I was in nurseries as well as all the usual staff and found myself struggling to see how they made time for all the children and to get the mountain of paperwork done.

If you meet a child-minder that you can have an open relationship with and has the proper training it can be more beneficial than a nursery. They can teach/guide your child the way they would be in nursery but will actually have more time to do it.

However nursery staff are really great at picking up on issues or problems your child may have and be able to supply the right kind of professional to help.

If you can find a way to have both do so. I would recommend that having your child in nursery for some of the time would be better than nothing. But either way it has to be what is best for your child.

I'm a CM. My first choice would be nanny, then CM, then nursery. However ... a good nursery is still better than a bad CM. You need to look at several and see which ones seem best to you.

Oh that's what you meant when you said
Anyway I've seen one person who makes a living out of making an economic concern out of children - more to come!

We viewed both options when choosing for DS, then 10 months old and I far preferred the CM.

I felt that it was a more personal relationship and I wanted him to be in a home-from-home environment so while they did lots of structured activities it's also good to be exposed to real life (eg going to the dentist) and doing things that he would have done with me had I been at home and to have a strong bond with someone who would care about him as an individual.

I far prefer the childminder for younger children. Once he turned 3, he then had some nursery sessions and the childminder dropped him off and collected him from there, but I feel our childminder plays a huge part in our lives and he is as close to her as he is to some members of his family.

Also I think our childminder has only ever had one day sick in the 4 years that she has cared for DS, but what she has added has been absolutely invaluable.

Remember, if you use a nursery they may not take your child if at all unwell. Our childminder has been happy to take our dcs when mildly ill or just getting over something. It probably helps that she doesn't have other mindees.

Also, your child may pick up infections from other dcs, so you might need to balance the risk of the childminder being ill, against the risks of your dcs being ill.
Unfortunately, there is no way to ensure that you won't have to take time off work when you have children.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Mine are older now but I checked out all the options and mine went to an amazing nursery and they absolutely loved it. A wide range of activities, a great building plus a lovely garden and lots of children to play with. As you say, no chance you'll be let down. The staff are often young, but standards are really high these days and nurseries tend to get the cream of the crop of students coming out of college, round here anyway. And if the staff turnover gets high it can because the parents poach the staff as nannies which they're not allowed to do officially - but it's a sign of how good the staff are.

Also, I liked the security if knowing exactly where they were all day, I didn't like the idea of my dc traipsing around, in someone else's car and never knowing if they'd do the car seat properly.

You are far more likely to be off work with a sick child than because your cm is sick! No avoiding that unfortunately.

Yes, I know, but I mean I don't want to have to add to any sick days if you see what I mean!

I've had 1 day sick in 16 yrs (caught norovirus off the children). But ... That doesn't mean I won't ever take another day off. The need for guaranteed care is an important consideration. Nurseries might also have to close, but it's less likely.

Our CM has never had a sick day herself (in 18 months), but she's had to 'close' several times because her children (aged 9 & 7) have been ill - once for a fever (one day) and quite a few times for vomiting (where she has to close for 48 hours). Our previous CM was always cancelling on us/ moving days around due to health issues with her 2/3 yr old. So, age of cm's children definitely something to bear in mind when considering different settings.

But, it's swings and roundabouts because our cm has undoubtedly taken DD a bit poorly/ recovering from something when a nursery wouldn't have. So I think it's actually balanced out in the end. As someone says upthread, don't underestimate the number of work days you'll lose through your kids being ill, no matter what your childcare setting (other than a nanny, I suppose, but I think you've already ruled that option out?)

Someone on the FB page mentions nurseries are safer because there's more people to spot something dodgy going on and you don't know what goes on behind a childminder's closed doors. I wouldn't leave my DDs with anyone for a second if I thought they would do something dodgy regardless of if there's other people around or not. I 100% trust my CMs in their own home and if I didn't trust any single member of a nursery, regardless of if they would be looking after my child or not I wouldn't send her there. I may be filtering the facts but I can't remember reading any abuse stories involving CMs but can recall more than one involving nurseries. FWIW I'm sending DD1 to preschool next year so I have no issue with nurseries. We would have sent her to one but the CMs did term time only which suited us.

CMs are more flexible in some ways but your eggs are all in one basket re holidays/sickness/pregnancy. Nurseries allow children to socialise with a wider range of children. It totally depends on the child. Gut instinct should be trusted as they are parenting in lieu of you. I am so pleased with how my DD has turned out in their care.

I chose a pair of CMs, husband and wife, which sorted the sickness issue. They took her when a nursery would have refused. Loads of colds nothing serious. Only picked her up early once.

I think it depends a bit on the baby, my dd was a sensitive soul and prone to getting overwhelmed/ over stimulated and i knew a nursery environment for her as a baby would have been too stressful for her.

I found a cm who was great and it never occurred to me to worry about an attachment, I am fairly certain my dd will always love me the most but the fact she loved the cm as well was a huge bonus for me.

She went to nursery 1 or 2 days a week when she was 2.4yo and it felt like the right time.

I think op you probably need to go and meet some cms and look around some nurseries, you will soon get a feel for what is right for you and your baby.

I'm a little confused by those that are saying 'cm for young kids, nursery when they're older'.

Why? If you find a fab cm, why move them when they're 3/4/5 (or whatever age you class as 'older') to a nursery, just for the sake of it? Presumably they'll be at school anyway, if you're concerned that they need to spend time in a big room full of kids. I don't get it tbh.

DS1 is 7 and two boys in his class go to the local 'nursery'/daycare centre. He would be horrified if I suggested he go there!

Emerald - lots of people move their children from CMs at 3. It depends on the CM and child. Mine all stay with me until they start school. I follow the same curriculum as nursery, have the same resources and we go out and they mix with lots of other children and still have low ratios of 1:3. I am also a qualified teacher.

My parents all say their work colleagues tell them they are doing the wrong thing and their child must go to nursery.