To ask about nursery or childminder

[Shiningdew]

I am looking round some next week and thought I'd throw it out there tonight - which do you use and why? :)

[Shiningdew]

Not in someone else's house, to be honest - I think that would feel weird.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Neither, I quit work to stay at home with dc2 because there were no grandparents to care for them, which is what we did with dc1. I was also cared for by grandparents as a small child. I just wasn't comfortable leaving my baby with anyone else.

[Shiningdew]

Well we don't have that option as all grandparents are dead but, erm, thanks

[EmeraldKitten]

Personally I would never choose a nursery.

It doesn't matter what the advertised 'we are great' line is - when it boils down to it, you have 0 choice over who (as in an individual person) is actually looking after your kids.

At least in a nursery there is fun activities all day

[Shudders] That's one of the reasons I wouldn't want a nursery tbh. Moved from structured activity to structured activity.

Some days i'll turn up to my cms and the dc are elbow deep in paint or knee deep in mud from the 4 mile walk they've been on. Some days they'll be watching TV or on the PS3. Which is a perfect balance and pretty much what they'd be doing at home depending on the day they've had...there's much more flexibility and ability for a cm to cater to the individual.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Yes, we don't have the option of grandparents anymore either as I said, which is a shame. Not sure what the face is for though.

[Shiningdew]

Because you didn't answer my original question.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Yes I did, you said which do I use and why, so I said I don't use either because I wasn't comfortable with either option. Didn't realise I was supposed to pick one sorry.

[Shiningdew]

It isn't helpful.

Do you answer to threads about pain from c sections saying 'no I didn't have one'?

Do you answer threads about how often you walk your dog with 'no I don't have a dog'?

Do you go on threads about things to do in Paris saying 'no I wouldn't go to Paris'?

I mean - obviously you can reply if you want to but it's not remotely helpful so some might say you were just trying to make me feel bad by saying both are wrong!

[insertimaginativeusername]

I love the nursery my daughter goes to, varied activities-not stuck to a timetable as some suggest, if a child doesn't want to do something they are allowed to move on a do something else. It has a veg garden, soft play room, outdoor area with the soft flooring (like play areas have around swings etc) a small animal room and regular 'special guests' which has included fun French lessons. And provides a wide variety of meals (she eats better than I do)

They follow the child's lead with their key worker and this is flexible if a child later bonds better with a different member of staff then they swap key worker.

Also fantastic value. I cannot find fault with anything they do and my daughter thrives.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

No need to be arsey. Both options were wrong for ME, just like the people who chose nursery, or a child-minder, or a nanny did so because it was right for THEM, even if you might not make the same decision. Don't see why my response is so unhelpful but everyone else who doesn't chose the same thing as you are fine.

[EmeraldKitten]

I think you're being unfair Shining.

I've never used a nursery, and never would - i'm not a fan.

If you posted a thread asking for peoples opinions on nurseries, I would probably still post and say I wouldn't use one - even though I have no experience of them.

You asked for opinions on childcare and one posters opinion was that when her dc was a baby she wouldn't use it. You don't get to moderate peoples responses when you ask an open question.

[LaurieMarlow]

As others have said, there are brilliant/terrible nurseries and childminders out there.

Having said that, I'd choose a brilliant childminder over a brilliant nursery because A) I've seen other people's DC form incredible bonds with their childminder that have lasted into the teenage years and are still going - B) I feel a home setting is a more appropriate environment than an institutional setting, especially for tiny children.

OP, your point about not wanting your children to form close bonds with one other person seems incredibly short sighted to me. Why on earth not?

[Plateofcrumbs]

Childminder is potentially unreliable (illness etc) and have to cover their holidays. But a childminder may be more flexible - ours will take them late into the evening if needed (if I have to work late) and is understanding of train delays etc - you don't get that from a nursery. As I have no family locally a childminder who I could turn to in an emergency important.

My friend's first DC stayed with their CM overnight when she was in hospital giving birth to DC2.

I saw nurseries and CMs and went with the one where I felt I could imagine happily leaving DS - that could have been a nursery but the ones I saw didn't leave me feeling positive.

[MsMarple]

I think perhaps Lookingupathestars was just suggesting that there might be other options? To use your own analogy, if you'd said 'should I walk my dog before or after work' alternative answers such as 'pop home at lunchtime'/'get a dog walker' would be helpful I'd have thought.

You didn't seem to mind people suggesting a Nanny as an alternative - so perhaps you are just sensitive about not being able to stay at home with them yourself - but you are joking right, about ignoring the Nanny option just because you don't want to spend a few minutes working out net pay?!?

[multivac]

"To use your own analogy, if you'd said 'should I walk my dog before or after work' alternative answers such as 'pop home at lunchtime'/'get a dog walker' would be helpful I'd have thought"

Indeed. But "don't have a dog in the first place" would probably just be irritating, given that it's not practically possible.

We chose nursery, OP, for a whole range of reasons - not least of them being that our children would get considerably more one to one care than they could possibly have had with a child minder. They didn't "move from structured activity to structured activity" all day; that's not how the EYFS - which, by the way, both childminders and nurseries are obliged to follow, works.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

The op never said anything about grandparents not being a possible childcare option until I mentioned them. So irritating or not, my point was still valid to the discussion.

[Rainuntilseptember15]

You want to send your dcs off each day to a person they haven't bonded with??!
Do you hope they cry all day until you come to pick them up? A bond with a carer is a good thing. Mine have had caring relationships with both nursery staff and a childminder.

[multivac]

Missing the point, Looking. Spectacularly.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Explain it to me then please, because I don't get why what I said was wrong.

[multivac]

You couldn't have the childcare you feel is ideal, so you "quit work".

You realise, don't you, that quitting work is not actually an option for everyone?

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Of course I realise that but it was relevant to my experience. So why shouldn't I have mentioned it?

[multivac]

sighs
Mention what you like. This thread is, after all, all about you.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

Ok so it's my turn for the face. Of course I can mention what I like about my experience of childcare choices on a thread about childcare choices.

Or am I meant to shut up just in case hearing that someone gave up their job to care for their kids upsets the op? Is that was this is about?

I was in exactly the same position as the op, trying to decide between a childminder or nursery but I chose to stay at home. Sorry if that offends anyone.

[QueenFrusso]

i wasn't comfortable leaving my child with anyone else
^ I think this makes it relevant.

OP has expressed that she doesn't feel comfortable with a CM in CMs house,
Other posters have said they don't feel comfortable leaving their child at a nurseries.

It is ultimately about finding a decent childcare provider that you feel comfortable leaving your child with.
And for some people they don't find this provider.

I don't get how looking has missed the point by saying she hasn't found this provider.

[BackforGood]

and lets be honest, in all her responses, it's clear the OP has made up her mind she doesn't like the idea of a childminder.
Fine. That's totally her choice, but then, why ask the question?