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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really worried and to have called 101

137 replies

murasaki · 05/09/2015 13:57

No one has seen an elderly friend of mine for 10 days. He's always in the pub near work, which is where I know him from, and hasn't been. And isn't answering his phone, and if he's not in the pub, he's always at home. Or his email.

So this morning having only found out yesterday that no one had seen him, as I hadn't been in the pub until then, I tried him again, both local hospitals, and then phoned 101 to go round as I'm the other side of London. I don't think this is going to go well. They said they would send someone round within about 60 mins, and let me know what the score is.

I hope I haven't wasted their time, the copper was v nice, and said I'd done well to check the hospitals first.

AIBU to hope against hope that I have wasted their time and the curmudgeonly old bastard is just taking time out from commmunications?

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 05/09/2015 15:18

So sorry xx

Original poster
murasaki · 05/09/2015 15:21

True. He knew the neighbours, but they were ships that pass in the night as male neighbour is a v eminent scientist (nobel prize no less) so they are often travelling. And is apparently in hospital at the moment so female neighbour (also eminint academic) has been in and out. So normal pattern of not seeing each other for them, nothing she could or would have reacted differently to from the norm. And she has been great today by all accounts, very helpful. It's just shit. And maybe someone could have done something earlier. I should stop thinking that, I know.

OP posts:
TheRealAmyLee · 05/09/2015 15:22

You did all you could. He was lucky to have such friends. So sorry for your loss Flowers Hope you get your Wine soon.

Iwasworried · 05/09/2015 15:26

I am sure it was quick and they sound like they were a lovely couple OP. What an honourable thing he did to respect her wishes so carefully.
He'd want you to keep the pub table, I'm sure. Whoever sits at it with you in future will love to hear about him.

fabuLou · 05/09/2015 15:27

I'm sorry. RIP Dave. Wine A toast for Dave. Op you are lovely.

Original poster
murasaki · 05/09/2015 15:31

he once gave me the most spectacularly backhanded compliment, it is still talked about to this day.

I normally popped in for lunch at work or afterwards, so when I came in with DP at the weekend once dressed up for a night out, I was greeted with

'you look unexpectedly attractive today'

I literally goldfish mouthed for about 3 minutes. Old bastard. Mind you, just writing that has made me smile with disbelief again

OP posts:
PenelopeClearwater · 05/09/2015 15:32

I'm so sorry Murasaki.

monkeysox · 05/09/2015 15:33

Flowers that's hard.

Worst feeling in the world waiting for news when you almost know something is wrong x

Iwasworried · 05/09/2015 15:34

Haha! That is a great back handed compliment. I'll toast to him too. And to you OP.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/09/2015 15:36

Oh I am sorry :(

RIP Dave.

Twolefttoes · 05/09/2015 15:38

He sounded great, well done for acting as soon as you realised something was amiss. Flowers

MagpieCursedTea · 05/09/2015 15:43

RIP Dave Flowers
Sorry for your loss Murasaki. Hope your DP gets home with the wine soon Wine

nokidshere · 05/09/2015 15:44

Aww sorry for your loss x

I called the police when my elderly neighbours curtains weren't open one day when I got back from the school run. I had a key but the chain was on, I unlocked the door and called out but no reply. The police were lovely, used a screwdriver to remove the chain and found her in bed. She had died in her sleep the night before. It was very sad.

Youarentkiddingme · 05/09/2015 15:47

Sorry it wasn't a positive outcome. Wine Flowers

You did the right thing. You acted and he'll now be treated with dignity and r spect in death rather than being alone.

He sounds like a right character!

Original poster
murasaki · 05/09/2015 15:56

The police called, he was in the kitchen, so no dying in his sleep, they are dealing with things, I told them about the family situation or lack there of and suggested they have me as point of contact if there's no one else. they said they'd call later.

OP posts:
Original poster
murasaki · 05/09/2015 15:58

Sorry for all those who've had similar results.

he was a great character, was in the merchant navy for years, an autodidact, and a grumpy old man. In the best possible way.

Ahmed the landlord was just on the phone again (he's been ace today) and when we know what's going on we will do something there for all who knew him.

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 05/09/2015 15:58

Oh, Murasaki Flowers He sounds like a fabulous bloke. Well done for being his friend this one last time.

Rarity08 · 05/09/2015 15:58

Rip Dave, Wine&Flowers for you.

LurcioAgain · 05/09/2015 15:59

Sorry to hear about your friend.

When a very dear relative of mine died unexpectedly in her sleep (she was only 50) it meant a great deal to me to know that she'd been found the next morning by a friend - to know that there were people around her who cared about her. The fact that you were there to care and ring 101 means your friend had people around him who cared right up to theend his li and ththat matters so much.

Unmumsnetty hugs 'n all that.

coffeeisnectar · 05/09/2015 16:09

So sorry to hear your sad news. But at least you called, you cared and you bothered to take action.

Many people die alone and no one notices. It's very sad that in today's society this happens.

Maybe we could do a mumsnet campaign, in memory of your lively grumpy friend to endeavour to befriend those living alone, to make an effort to take time out of our hectic lives to give time to someone who is alone.

Nonnainglese · 05/09/2015 16:18

Bless you murasaki, he was very lucky to have a friend like you.
it sounds like a very sudden death, but obviously a huge shock for you Flowers
I found someone like that when nursing, lived alone, little or no family but that's how you they chose to be.

Another unMumsnetty hug from me too.

ValancyJane · 05/09/2015 16:27

So sorry to hear that Flowers

Original poster
murasaki · 05/09/2015 16:28

Good idea, Coffee, I like that.

DP is back and doing a shop run. He tells me I did the right thing, and that even if it'd been done earlier it would probably have been too late,, he thinks it was a big stroke too.

Thank you all again for being so lovely, annd most importantly, there.

OP posts:
jorahmormont · 05/09/2015 17:07

RIP Dave :( so sorry murasaki, you did absolutely the right thing. He sounds like a brilliant character, and it's so good that he had people like you who care and worry about him, I'm sure it will have meant the world to him.

Big un-mumsnetty hugs Flowers

Despondentlyyours · 05/09/2015 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.