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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

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Kr1stina · 03/09/2015 16:23

If it were me, I'd think my husband thought more of the watch than he did if his kids . So yes, I'd be annoyed too . But of course you can't " force him " .

And I'd also like to know how you managed to get insurance for a valuable watch without either a receipt or an up to date valuation ?

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 16:24

All 4 of our parents are dead and there was no inheritance. But if there had been then it would have been family money just like any other money we earn/win/find in the garden.

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 16:27

Actually, Kr1stina makes a very good point.

On our policy (and the previous one) any one item worth more than 2k needed to be mentioned separately and have a recent valuation certificate. We had to take my eternity ring to be certified and send this into the insurers.

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MrsKoala · 03/09/2015 16:27

We are in a 2 bed with non sleeping children and feel an extra bedroom would really solve the problem. We also both have things we could sell which put together would enable us to do a loft conversion. It has never crossed my mind tho. The only way i would sell the engagement ring from my exH (which i wear everyday) would be if we were starving.

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 16:32

@ Mrs Koala!
Doesn't your dh mind you wearing the engagement ring from your first marriage? Most people would find that strange.

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 16:33

Kr1stna, he insured it when he received it and he does have the receipt.

Of course its a status symbol. He loves it because its this beautiful, expensive, talking-point of a time piece. And I suspect it reminds him of his 20s when he lived a very high flying and exciting life, before he decided to change careers and do good rather than earn loads. He does not regret that decision but he does have fond memories. He is not attached to the ex, I am very confident of that.

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 16:35

As others have said the insurance value is v different to the valuation we got for selling second hand.

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bettyberry · 03/09/2015 16:37

yes, you are being unreasonable. No, you cannot force him to sell it.

You want an extension then save for it. Up your work hours, sell some of the other surplus crap you might have in your home but making the man you love sell an item he has kept for so long and clearly loves because he wears it every day and has done for over a decade? no. You are being daft!

I have some jewellery kicking around in the cupboard from the EX (DS's father) I would be furious if my OH insisted I sell it because he didn't like it or thought the money would be better used elsewhere just the same as he would be furious with me if I suggested the piece he wears (not daily) should be sold because I don't like that an ex bought it for him. I honestly don't like the piece he wears, not my taste but it is his, his choice not mine.

I suspect you are just seeing the value and all the things YOU could buy with it but failing to see all the benefits your husband gets from it. Children having their own room isn't a necessity.

Personally I would not force him to sell it. Consider that watch as 'the rainy day fund' The item he will most likely part with when the shit really hits the fan and you have no other choice. As PPs have said its probably not worth anywhere near as much as quoted esp if its a 'standard' model and has been engraved.

Find another way to do the house up.

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 16:39

Its not a standard model. As I have said before I am confident in the valuation.

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Cherrybakewells1 · 03/09/2015 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 16:55

Apparently a bunch of MNers who have never seen the watch have a better idea of its value than the people who actually saw it

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NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 17:00

The thing is, if the watch was a family heirloom, a gift from a parent or grandparent, or even something he'd bought himself with his own hard-earned money, I'd understand it. But a gift from someone who doesn't mean anything to him any more?!

It must be a seriously beautiful watch for him to be so attached to it. If the same/similar model is online, could you link to it OP? Being nosy sorry

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MrsKoala · 03/09/2015 17:00

Really? would they? Why? I don't wear it on my wedding finger. I wear my dh engagement and wedding rings on that. He's never ever mentioned it and i've never ever even thought about it. I doubt he's even noticed. It's just a lovely piece of jewellery. (One of my best friends is an ex i lived with for 5 years. I go and stay with him and one Easter went to his families cottage with him after he broke up with his gf. DH goes camping/climbing with a female friend who i assume used to be a fwb before we met. Neither of us care at all. )

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 17:06

What does fwb stand for? I suppose if it doesn't bother your dh then that's fine. I'm still shocked though.

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PurpleHairAndPearls · 03/09/2015 17:08

I'm sure a lot of MNers are wearing expensive jewellery right now, or have other £££ items that they are attached to, be they cars, horses, computers, handbags etc etc.

I wouldn't have thought that it would particularly cross peoples' minds to think about selling their possessions to fund something which isn't either an absolute necessity or very urgent (and I don't think extending a house you currently live in falls into either or these two categories).

Having been in the position of selling sentimental jewellery out of necessity which was unfortunately urgent, I really don't think it is fair to force someone to sell personal items just because you yourself place a higher value on something else you desire.

My DH doesn't "value" jewellery, he doesn't even wear a wedding ring, but when it came to having to sell mine, I know he felt awful about it. He felt sad for me as he knew I "valued" the items. I don't know how I would have felt about him if he had displayed the attitude OP had. And this was an urgent necessary sale!

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AcrossthePond55 · 03/09/2015 17:09

Well, I guess I can understand that, in a way. It's just as much a memory of 'times past' as it is a status symbol. I love the odd expensive handbag or piece of jewelry. V shallow of me, I admit. I honestly (and hate to admit it) don't know what I'd do if DH asked/expected me to sell something I love, even if it was something for the family. I guess I'd do it in a heartbeat if it was to pay for a lifesaving surgery, but not so sure if it was for an extension. I'm lucky I don't own something that valuable.

I guess all you can do is plant the seed (which you have) and hope it germinates. I think if you keep on at him (not saying you are) it pretty much guarantees he won't have second thoughts.

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LovelyFriend · 03/09/2015 17:10

FWB = friend with benefits aka fuck buddy

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Kr1stina · 03/09/2015 17:14

I'm suprised that your insurers are happy to insure the watch at today's value based on the receipt your DH has from 13 years ago . Mine certainly wouldn't be, they would require to see an up to date valuation for such an expensive item that could be easily damaged or lost .

It's just the kind of item that people use to try to commit fraud, so most insurers are very strict on this . I'm not suggesting that you would do this- just explaining why they like up to date information .

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 17:18

Nice.

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Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 17:19

I'm saying if he were my P and he preferred to wear an expensive watch than give his growing DC an bedroom each, I'd lose respect for him.

Good grief. So as long as someone in the family needs something (they always will, by the way) - the parents can't keep something of value? They must sell it to meet the need?

I wouldn't want to look at my phone every time I need to know the time. Firstly, I am not keen on being one of those people who is constantly checking their phone. Secondly, I frequently lose my phone in my (huge) bag.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 17:21

Vindscreenviper - the lemon is in play.

^"I wonder what the responses would be like if the roles were reversed:
"DH and I want to extend our house so our children can each have their own bedroom, but we don't have the spare cash. I have a £20k ring that was a present from an ex, I love it and wear it every day. DH says I should sell the ring to pay for the extension but I don't want to. AIBU?"^

I bet most people would tell the OP to stop being a selfish materialistic cow and start prioritising the needs of her family."

Not me, AnotherEmma - I would have the same reaction as I have had to this question.

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OhFuckWhatHaveIDone · 03/09/2015 17:26

Also would she have let him keep it if she knew he would sell it wasn't it because he loved the watch? I think if you are selling it you have to offer her the cash or at least the value new if he can still get in touch.

WTF? It was a gift. The watch is his. Presumably he and the ex didn't write up (or verbally agree) a contract whereby it was a gift on condition that he never disposed of it...

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comingintomyown · 03/09/2015 17:30

I understand how you are thinking on this what was his reaction to the suggestion the watch be sold ?

However I also understand his attachment to it

I have an extremely valuable ring from my XH which I would be horrified if anyone tried to coerce me into selling. Lots of people don't "get" jewellery but it's a matter for the wearer isn't it. I'm sure there are a number of reasons he wants to keep it and I'm afraid it's not your place to override his wishes

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beaucoupdemojo · 03/09/2015 17:57

Personally I think that when you have kids, your primary responsibility is to them. I couldn't keep an expensive watch at the cost of their comfort. I wouldn't want to. This is why I dont spend all or money on diamonds and instead pay the mortgage!

I think he should sell it.

I also think it's tacky to wear gifts given to you by an ex when you are in a new relationship. It's not comparable to keeping jewellery inherited from your grandma.

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InimitableJeeves · 03/09/2015 18:03

Are your insurers happy for your DH to wear the watch every day? I'd have thought they'd want some pretty serious security.

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