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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

OP posts:

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Tulipblank · 03/09/2015 13:20

If dh had a watch from an ex worth that much and we needed work done on the house he would have sold it himself! I think you wouldn't be unreasonable at all to ask him to consider it. To force him would bu, but to be honest I think he's bu not to want to sell it.

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googoodolly · 03/09/2015 13:23

It's all irrelevant really because it's up to your DH whether he wants to sell the watch or not. Yes, it could buy an extension but maybe he's thinking it could also pay off the mortgage in the future or be sold and used as a retirement fund. It's totally upto him when (and if) he sells.

The extension is a separate issue, really.

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honeysucklejasmine · 03/09/2015 13:24

I would sell it in a heartbeat. I asked DH... He would too. We agreed there is no way we would take out finance if we owned something that valuable. I am a recovered hoarder so I understand attachment, but I have come to the realisation that quality of life is worth so much more than possessions. Sell it, improve your home.

Also, OP, I got your joke.

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TimeToMuskUp · 03/09/2015 13:25

DH has two Patek Philippe watches from a previous company he worked for (they were awarded to him for service or merit or some madness). If we were hard up he'd have no problem selling them, but I'd never ask, and I'd never push, and I'd never expect.

YABU to some extent. Your DH is also BU to an extent. Have you had a sit down together to talk about your financial situation and how you're going to remedy it? He might think you were joking, being glib or pushy. He may not fully comprehend just how much of a difference this could make to all of your lives.

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IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 03/09/2015 13:25

Does he have alternative suggestions for raising the cash to extend the house

I'm sure they could sit down and discuss the options with a financial adviser much the same as we (and many other people) that don't have £20k of jewelry laying around manage to do.

We got our extension by adding a relatively footling amount to the mortgage - didn't break the bank & didn't break the relationship!!

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vindscreenviper · 03/09/2015 13:37

A Patek Philippe eh?

Does it play the Simpson's theme tune

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 13:52

Nope, I'd say exactly the same if the roles were reversed and it was a husband asking about his wife. Because it's about improving and enhancing the quality of their family life.
And I wouldn't need to suggest it to dh as he would have done it himself.

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Oxfordblue · 03/09/2015 14:07

Ok - so a similar situation.

DH has inherited £70k. Does he
a) put it in his bank account
b) pay off a chunk of the mortgage
c) give me 1/2

I'm interested in the responses & will tell you what he did & why

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honeysucklejasmine · 03/09/2015 14:12

B, always B. Unless you can find a bank account that will pay more in interest than you'd save from paying a lump sum. Assuming you can pay it all in without penalty.

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ThoseAwfulCurtains · 03/09/2015 14:16

Nope. Not always B unless you have rainy day savings enough to replace your car.

I think he did C - and so would I.

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2015 14:17

I don't think thats a similar situation Oxfordblue your Dh inherited after you had been together a long while therefore more of a joint decision, the ops Dh had the watch before he met her, making it his decision. IMO. Anyhoo, I'd think b is best option, but as you think it's relevant here then I'd say C

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ENtertainmentAppreciated · 03/09/2015 14:20

Too many variables to guess Oxford, I raise you
d) sit down with me and have a sensible conversation about what we are going to do with it

which is what both me and DH would do.

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Pneumometer · 03/09/2015 14:22

B, always B. Unless you can find a bank account that will pay more in interest than you'd save from paying a lump sum.

As Curtains says, that's only true if the liquidity is of no value to you. If you pay your mortgage down at the expense of having cash on hand, and subsequently have to borrow that money (for a car, say) then the interest you will pay on that loan is potentially much higher than the net cost of the mortgage less the interest you're able to get on the cash on deposit. If you are paying x% on a mortgage of £y while getting x-delta% on a deposit of £y, you can regard delta as an insurance premium against having to borrow money at a higher rate in the future. Your attitude to that will depend on your overall finances, your risk appetite, your access to cheap credit, etc, etc.

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2015 14:25

Not always B for us. We wouldn't do B, our mortgage rate is so low we may as well leave it there. We'd have put it in a savings account.

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honeysucklejasmine · 03/09/2015 14:25

I was giving my opinion of what I would do. I am aware it's not the same for everyone.

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mandy214 · 03/09/2015 14:28

Can there be an option D?

Pay off £50k of mortgage (or similar sum). Have a blow out family holiday (say £10k). Then each have £5k or something to blow as you want.

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Cherrybakewells1 · 03/09/2015 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 03/09/2015 14:29

B. Mortgage. That would vastly reduce our monthly payments which might even mean the bank account would stay in the black at the end of each month.

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vindscreenviper · 03/09/2015 14:30

d) buy 2 Patek Philippe watches, one for each wrist?

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 14:36

The thing is, it's irrelevant for anyone else to say they'd sell the watch in a heartbeat, no possession is more important than family, etc etc - because they are not the watch' owner - and the watch clearly IS really important to him.

He has to be happy with whatever decision is reached - and his feelings are just as important as the OP's - I can't help feeling that, as far as some on here are concerned, his feelings don't matter at all.

People keep talking about the needs of 'the family' - but he is a part of the family too - not just a cash cow.

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 14:39

As Mentioned, it would be option d for us. Pay off 50k and enjoy the rest. How often in life does such an opportunity to be truly frivolous come along?
But depends how low your mortgage rate is. Also whether you may need 10k in easy access savings at any point soon.
I certainly would never advocate using all of it going towards the mortgage. Life is too short and memories made on amazing family holidays and adventures are priceless.

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Squooshed · 03/09/2015 14:40

it's irrelevant for anyone else to say they'd sell the watch in a heartbeat, no possession is more important than family, etc etc - because they are not the watch' owner - and the watch clearly IS really important to him.

Well what's the point of any AIBU thread in that case? 99% of them are about people saying what they'd do in situation x, y, or z.

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NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 14:43

Of course his feeling are important too. I guess I just wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't think his or her family unit took priority.
It's just a bloody watch. Not even one give by a dying parent or anything like that. I guess I'd be interested to know whether he'd still be so attached to it if it was worth£50. But that's because I cannot stand the concept of placing more emotional value on something simply because it is expensive.

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willconcern · 03/09/2015 14:45

OP I happened to see your other thread about buying all 3 of your DC/SDC Sky for their bedrooms, & about them all having g iPads. Doesn't seem to me as if money is that much if an issue for you.....

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LongTimeLurking · 03/09/2015 14:48

How do you know his emotional attachment to the watch is purely because of value?

I think OP YABU. The watch obviously means a lot to him, he had it before you got together so I really don't think you have the right to insist he sells it and I think it would be wrong to emotionally blackmail him into doing so too.

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