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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 14:50

We don't know he is placing emotional value on it because of its cost.

I am clearly in the minority in supporting this man's right not to have to sell something he treasures and uses on a daily basis. If it was what was standing between the family and losing their home, then I would say he should sell - but that's not the case here.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 14:51

I had read that thread and commented on it too, willconcern - but hadn't made the connection.

Squooshed · 03/09/2015 14:53

'I am clearly in the minority in supporting this man's right not to have to sell something he treasures'

Many people have said they'd hope their partner would sell it, few have said they'd force him to. So I wouldn't say you're in the minority by supporting his right not to have to sell the watch.

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 14:57

Will - I have no idea what thread you are talking about. It's not mine. My kids are too young for that stuff. Can you link.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 14:58

I think most people are judging him harshly for not wanting to sell the watch, even if they are saying they wouldn't force him to sell it, though Squoosh.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 15:00

It's this thread, Summer - and it's a different OP - so my apologies for commenting without checking.

LovelyFriend · 03/09/2015 15:02

I'd be losing respect for him over this.

I agree you can't force him, but that he would rather hold onto a redundant status symbol than do something really important for his children/family marks him out as a bit of a shallow tosser IMO.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/09/2015 15:07

Some things are worth more than money.

This watch means something to him and got huge sentimental value.

Oxfordblue · 03/09/2015 15:10

Thanks for your suggestions Smile DH considers it our money, which does make me feel a bit weird...after all he had his DGM for 42 years.

The money's gone on the mortgage, but we have one where we can take out if needed & we did fancy a 'splash out'. He/we did talk of splashing out, but it's not really us & we're very fortunate to have a couple of holidays a year.

Interestingly we/he might use it to extended our DD's bedrooms & build me a porch Grin Simple pleasures eh ? After contemplating this thread, I think I'll have a word with him & insist he treats himself like he did to buy his Rolex.
DH always said his DGM was very frugal & she'd have appreciated the choices of reducing the mortgage or contributing sending the DD's to private school for senior years.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 15:15

He is not holding onto a 'redundant status symbol' - it's not redundant because he uses it on a daily basis - and there is no suggestion that he is so shallow that he loves it only because it is a status symbol.

Maybe it is simply a beautiful piece of machinery that he enjoys using on a daily basis, and gets lots of pleasure from.

Ds1 has spent a lot of money on watches - he has three really good ones (not Patek Phillipe good, but expensive when funded out of savings from a paper round/birthday and Christmas money). He gets real pleasure from owning and using these beautifully crafted mechanisms. It's not a pleasure I share - I have a couple of fairly inexpensive watches, and don't wear a watch most days - but I can see how much genuine pleasure he gets.

LovelyFriend · 03/09/2015 15:21

Watches are redundant - the time is absolutely everywhere. I've not worn a watch for over 20 years and yet I always know what time time is even if I don't dig out my phone.

They are status symbols - at least the expensive ones are.

NoMoreRenting · 03/09/2015 15:39

I don't know whether his emotional attachment is due to its value. That's what I was saying, that it would be interesting to see if he would be so attached to a £50 watch it whether he loves having such an expensive possession.
Of course he has the right not to sell it. It belongs to him. That doesn't mean I wouldn't think less of him for holding onto something valuable as a personal possession when his family could really do with an extra bedroom.
My point was that I do not understand anyone attaching sentimental value to objects. And I utterly loathe the idea that anyone would attach more value to something because it was worth a lot of money. I do not treasure my 15k eternity ring any more than my £200 wedding ring. I do not love it more than if he'd pay £50 for it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 15:45

His watch is not redundant to him - he uses it every day! It is unreasonable - and somewhat arrogant - to state that, because you do not find something useful, no-one is allowed to own one.

Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 15:55

Watches are redundant

I'm taking mine off right now.

vindscreenviper · 03/09/2015 15:57

So no other Cabin Pressure fans on this thread then Sad

NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 15:59

Sorry but a £20k watch is a status symbol. You can get a beautiful, functional watch for a hell of a lot less than £20k.

It's a status symbol the same way a hugely expensive car is a status symbol. You might need a car and drive it every day, but you don't need a £100k car (or however much!)

FishWithABicycle · 03/09/2015 16:00

Moopsboopsmum Grin

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?
AcrossthePond55 · 03/09/2015 16:03

I'm just curious. Has he said why he won't sell? I assume it's not because of lingering attachment to the ex. Is it just that he likes the idea/stealth boast of having a £20k timepiece on his wrist? Is it a reminder of some past great times he had (like a fab holiday where she gave him the watch) without specifically including her in the equation?

I have a lovely ring that an ex bought me on a holiday. I never wear it anymore, but when I see it I'm reminded of a beautiful place. The ex turned out to be a real prick, but I can 'erase' him out of the memory.

Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 16:04

Sorry but a £20k watch is a status symbol. You can get a beautiful, functional watch for a hell of a lot less than £20k.

That is entirely subjective.

NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 16:05

I wonder what the responses would be like if the roles were reversed:
"DH and I want to extend our house so our children can each have their own bedroom, but we don't have the spare cash. I have a £20k ring that was a present from an ex, I love it and wear it every day. DH says I should sell the ring to pay for the extension but I don't want to. AIBU?"
I bet most people would tell the OP to stop being a selfish materialistic cow and start prioritising the needs of her family.

ThatDoesntMeanWhatYouThinkItMe · 03/09/2015 16:07

In no universe would I rather have a watch than £20k cash.

He's basically got a £20k asset all to himself and you and the kids can't benefit from it. Doesn't really seem in the spirit of family team playing.

BabyGanoush · 03/09/2015 16:08

ehm, I think the materialistic one is the OP

NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 16:12

Baby eh?! Wanting a comfortable home for your family is not materialistic.

LovelyFriend · 03/09/2015 16:12

I'm not saying no one else is allowed to own one.

I'm saying if he were my P and he preferred to wear an expensive watch than give his growing DC an bedroom each, I'd lose respect for him.

And I would.

And seriously you do not need a watch to tell the time these days. It's a luxury item - which is fine. If you want to prioritise telling the time with a £20k watch over home improvements then go for it. Just don't expect you P and DC to respect your decision.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/09/2015 16:13

I've no idea what Oxford's husband's inheritance has to do with anything, but as we're off on unrelated tangents then I shall add that when I inherited a considerable sum I decided what to spend it on.

I can't recall consulting dh beyond telling him and asking if he wanted to go on the particular trip I was planning with part of it or if we should go somewhere else.

It didn't even occur to me to ask him. It was my inheritance, from my grandparent. Dh enjoyed some of the benefits but ultimately it was my money which I spent on me!

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