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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

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Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 18:03

I couldn't keep an expensive watch at the cost of their comfort.

Their comfort? Sharing a bedroom with a sibling is now a slight to a child's comfort? Jeez.

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beaucoupdemojo · 03/09/2015 18:09

I have 2 dc who share a room. Trust me, it is not ideal. If I had the money on my wrist to give them a bedroom each, I would.

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Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 18:11

I have 2 kids who shared a room until they were 8 and 11. Not a deprivation.

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IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 03/09/2015 18:12

My watch cost around £100, I wear it everyday and I'm quite fond of it.

I'd still be pissed off if my other half wanted me to sell it to buy little Timmy a tablet so he could keep up with his mates, even if I could get a £10 watch from Argos that'd do the same job....

As I and others have said - do what the rest of the UK does & add the extension to your mortgage! You've never explained why this isn't an option....

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Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 18:17

This is why I dont spend all or money on diamonds and instead pay the mortgage! The Op isn't struggling to pay the mortgage though! She isn't saying she almost has the baliffs knocking!

I also think it's tacky to wear gifts given to you by an ex when you are in a new relationship. It's not comparable to keeping jewellery inherited from your grandma

What the hell is wrong with people? Do people want to re write their partners history? I honestly don't get that people say they don't their DH's to have things that their exes had given them.
For many years DH wore a St Christopher that his long term ex girlfrend before me got him for a significant birthday. He was gutted when the chain got caught and broke and he lost it. It would never cross my mind to think there was a problem with him wearing it!

Insecure attitude from some.

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beaucoupdemojo · 03/09/2015 18:30

It's not deprivation to share a room but it's far nicer to have your own space. I would choose to give that to my dc rather than wear a watch worth thousands.

And yes it is tacky to wear jewellery given to you by an ex with yours and their names and dates on it. It's not about insecurity, it's just inappropriate.

My husband wouldn't even want to keep it. Selling it and buying something to improve our lives now would be a no brainer.

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Bottlecap · 03/09/2015 18:40

It's not deprivation to share a room but it's far nicer to have your own space.

I think the idea that one can't hold onto an expensive relic so long as something "nicer" could be done for the children is extremely depressing indeed.

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Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 18:41

Why is keeping something tacky though?
I have loads of stuff (ok not high in monetary value) that I have kept from my ex eg cookery books with a little message that was wrote in the inside cover. It's a Rose Elliot Vegetarian cook book that I use all the time but never notice the inscription nor does it mean any thing to me.

I have about 20 OS maps one or two have a personised message in for when we did a particular route. I have a lovely necklace that I wear to black tie dos that Ex got me and I never think of him when I wear it.
I don't think it is tacky and DH has never shown any signs of being uncomfortable. I asked him about 15mins ago if he minded me wearing a necklace that ex got me when we go out and he looked at me as if I'd gone soft in the head and said 'Don't be so daft love' ( then mentioned something like ' are you on mumsnet again!!)

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beaucoupdemojo · 03/09/2015 19:08

The watch has names and dayes engraved on it. I think it's a bit 'yeurgh' to wear that everyday while being married to someone else.

And I'm not saying he should sell it to buy the kids something transient like a ps4, but an extension will add real quality of life for the whole family. Instead he is saying that a present from an ex means more to him.

I don't think you can make someone sell their property. Yes I agree that would be wrong but I honestly don't get why he wouldn't want to.

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Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 19:35

The watch has names and dates engraved on it. I think it's a bit 'yeurgh' to wear that everyday while being married to someone else
I bet the DH doesn't even notice the engraving anymore or give it any significance!

I am so not a 'cool wife' but it is something, as I stated and evidenced before,I could get worked up about at all! After he did have a life before me and quite a good one at that. Why pretend that it doesn't exist. It's not like it's being flaunted and taunted in the OPs face.

Even my children know who the person was who bought me the cook book and saw the message. Big deal where excatly?

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Reubs15 · 03/09/2015 19:50

Who on earth would ruin a Patek Phillippe by engraving it?! It won't be worth any where near as much now by the way.
If he sold it and you got an extension or stuff for your kids his ex would effectively be paying for it which I think would br more strange! It's his watch so he can do what he wants with it. See if he could get the engraving removed?

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Oxfordblue · 03/09/2015 20:20

Oooh, still rumbling on then !

OP, sorry to say this but your DH is sounding a bit of an idiot...clamouring on to 'the past', time to move on. He clearly loves his watch/the status (seriously people are shallow) MORE than he wants to make day to day living improved ? How's your sex life btw ? are you suggesting it's difficult because the 2 kids keep each awake ? Maybe there's some persuasion there ? I feel for you..

movingonupmovingonout didn't really have much other to do than he decided to share his inheritance. Unlike you (perhaps not such a substantial amount ?) who decided you'd go on a trip with or without your DH ? Imagine the outrage if I'd posted that he'd spent all his inheritence on a 2 seater car

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 20:25

It's odd when posters state they would expect their DHs to sell a watch to but the kids a tablet/PS3/other gadget. I've explained that our youngest is a terrible sleeper who wakes our middle child regularly. Building a bedroom to solve this and allow us all better sleep is totally different from buying a PS3. The whole family would be happier, we'd be less irritable, we'd have a nicer life. DH himself is exhausted from the night wakes, he would benefit and he's said he wants better sleep.

We could try and extend the mortgage although it's pretty big as it is. We probably will go down that route but that will mean a bit less disposable cash each month which again impacts us all. DH loves a date night each week. Will we have to cut back on that? Something he loves has got to give whether that's the watch, the date nights and days out or our sleep and sanity. I'm arguing for the watch!

OP posts:

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lavendersun · 03/09/2015 20:35

I think your argument is just OP - it is a thneed. I lived a very different life in my 20s too. It is just a thing that happens to be worth enough to make a difference to your daily home life.

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EddieStobbart · 03/09/2015 21:32

I think I would put forward a list of options as part of an extension plan and include selling things in the options. Tbh, £20k is pretty low for extra space (we're looking at £120k and this is primarily just to convert a basement which already exists ) - could you try to save £500 a month for the next 18 months through serious economising and extra work then make the difference up through mortgage finance (if you move even to the same price house fees and stamp duty are likely to chomp into your budget)? At some point either during the discussion or next few months he might tell you he's had a great idea, he could sell his watch...

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Gruntfuttock · 03/09/2015 21:36

OP, is there a typo in this sentence from your most recent post, because I can't make head or tail of it?
"It's odd when posters state they would expect their DHs to sell a watch to but the kids a tablet/PS3/other gadget."

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PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/09/2015 22:55

what would happen if you was to split up, the house is an asset which will be split.

Perhaps the watch is a financial security for him

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2015 23:13

I think she meant 'to buy the kids a tablet...', Gruntfuttock.

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Gruntfuttock · 03/09/2015 23:43

My goodness. Just one letter out of place and I'm baffled. That's shameful. Thank you SDTG.

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Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/09/2015 00:01

Op - there was a thread a while ago for parents of really bad sleepers. Start another one and then ask the question again. People on there truly know the value of a decent nights sleep! (Although we are all too knackered to explain it.)

Personally I would sell my soul for better sleep. Or a kidney. Anyone want a piece of my liver.? (It's in fucking amazing shape as I haven't drunk for years as I am still doing nighttime breastfeeds for my two year old.)

A watch!?!?! Pah! It's a watch! Nobody needs a £20k watch. People do need sleep.

I also don't get the "heirloom of the future" argument:-

It's the Year 2130 and Fred is chatting up Sue. "So anyway - this watch has been in my family for generations. It belonged to my great great grandfather. It has travelled through seven solar systems and personally witnessed the first Jupiter landings back in 2035." "Oh wow" says Sue whilst leaning forward to give Fred a good view of her cleavege down her super tight spacesuit and sexily unlocks the watch. "Oh look - there's some initials on the back with a date. Is that when your great great grandparents got together? That's so romantic." Sue flutters her space helmet. "Well no" says Fred "actually it's the initials of some rich bird my great great grandfather bonked dated before great great granny who he never saw again but let him keep the watch." "Oh - shame" says Sue, handing back the watch and floating off.

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Sansoora · 04/09/2015 04:49

Are your insurers happy for your DH to wear the watch every day? I'd have thought they'd want some pretty serious security.

Its a watch, not the crown jewels, and in the world of watches and the people who wear an expensive watch its kind of like a Timex everyday watch value wise.

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2rebecca · 04/09/2015 05:49

I think you should just accept he came with the watch and really loves the watch and put its value out of your head. If HE ever decides to sell it fine but stop the resentful nagging. It isn't yours. I would look at other ways to get extra rooms like moving. I bet he wishes he had never got it valued now you are casting covetous eyes on it. Pretend it is worth £50 and leave it alone. He will resent you if you emotionally blackmail him in to selling it

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RunRunAsFastishAsYouCan · 04/09/2015 08:53

Of course he should sell it, it's just a bloody watch versus quality of life. No brainer, I would be seriously pissed off if my dh thought a watch was more important than family.

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/09/2015 12:07

And would he be allowed to be hurt that his feelings mattered so little to you, RunRun? How would you deal with his hurt, if you forced him to sell something he loves and uses daily? Do his feelings matter less than whatever thing/improvement would be bought with the money?

I don't think it is as black and white as 'he must sell it, no question, he is a selfish prick who is putting an item of jewelry above his family's wellbeing' because that dismisses and ignores his genuine attachment to this watch.

I know there are plenty of people on here who cannot comprehend it - but that doesn't mean his feelings aren't real, and it doesn't mean his feelings shouldn't be taken into consideration.

If the family were in dire straits financially, and the watch was all that stood between them and homelessness, I would say he should sell it - no question. But it isn't as clear cut as that for me.

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2rebecca · 04/09/2015 12:26

Having had an extension they aren't as cheap as initial quotes, architects fees, structural surveyors etc cost loads. Moving is usually cheaper. This also isn't an emergency situation. You can always spend more money on bricks and mortar, it's never ending. You call it his "beloved" watch and obviously resent it and him having something to himself, you want half of it by making him sell it and put the money in a joint house.

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