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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

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ENtertainmentAppreciated · 03/09/2015 10:22

If he hasn't seen or heard of the gifter in so long and has a happy marriage and family then I'd presume he wore a watch he loves despite how he acquired it in the first place?

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MsJamieFraser · 03/09/2015 10:22

you dont want him to have the watch as its a declaration of their love, but yet you want your dh to sell the watch to pay for an extension paid for by her

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Hassled · 03/09/2015 10:22

Bloody hell - I had no idea watches could be worth so much. Have just googled the make.

You can't force him to sell, but I think he should sell. You need the money. If it were some family heirloom it would be different.

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PrimalLass · 03/09/2015 10:23

Yes he should sell it and no you shouldn't offer her the money.

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lordStrange · 03/09/2015 10:23

Fuck me I just googled the watch , yes to sell sell sell. Get him a timex for christmas.

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fuctifino · 03/09/2015 10:23

I have some beautiful jewellery from an ex, of high value.
I would seriously resent my dh if he insisted I sell it. But he wouldn't, cos he is a decent man.

I like the jewellery for the look of it, not the value or whom it was from.

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SurlyValentine · 03/09/2015 10:24

If I were in your DH's shoes and my spouse was trying to force me to sell something that was important to me, it would be ringing alarm bells in my head.

You've said yourself all is good in your marriage and you're very happy, so what does it matter if he won't sell the watch? It doesn't mean he's hankering after his old relationship. And you've said he wears it every day, so it's not like he's keeping it at the back of a drawer and taking it out and stroking it wistfully every time you and he have a disagreement about something.

To him it's something to use to tell the time, but you seem to be the one who has attached more emotional symbolism to it.

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lordStrange · 03/09/2015 10:25

Some x-posts there .

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TittyBiskwits · 03/09/2015 10:26

An insurance valuation is not the same as what you would get if you sold it. I used to work in a jewellers and they would offer you roughly a quarter of what they thought they could sell it for.

The same goes for auction. You would only get what it's worth on the day. Most people going to auction are looking for a bargain or are professional dealers plus you should factor in auctioneers fees.

Other than that, yabu. It was a gift.

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PrimalLass · 03/09/2015 10:26

To me, it's like having a lot in savings but still not using it to make your family life better.

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:28

I don't have a massive problem with it, in fact before we needed the money I barely thought about it. Its just we now need money for the first time and this seems the best way to get it.

Other ways to get the money include:

One of us work a second job: this would mean much less family time which I see as much more valuable than any possession;
I sell stuff: except I don't have any heirlooms and my engagement ring is worth about £2k compared to over £20k for the watch.

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TittyBiskwits · 03/09/2015 10:28

Bloody hell, x post.

Even if you sold it for a half its value you'd be quids in

I still think yabu though.

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juneau · 03/09/2015 10:28

If he really loves the watch then yes, YABU. I totally understand your POV, but it sounds like its the watch itself, rather than who gave it to him, that's important. We all have things we love and some people set more store by 'things' than others, whether that's electronic gadgets, jewellery, cars, or whatever. Bottom line, you can't force him to sell it, so I'd drop the subject if I was you, before it becomes an even more sore point. You'll just have to find some other way to fund your home extension.

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Dowser · 03/09/2015 10:29

You could suggest that if he were willing to sell the watch and buy himself another one of obviously much less value and put the money towards the house fund but obviously only if he sees something advantageous in having a larger house that would be impossible otherwise.

Otherwise he gets to keep the watch I'm afraid.

You never know. Plant the seed and then just leave it. If a bigger house brings more peace and calm he might change his mind.

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TroubleinDaFamily · 03/09/2015 10:30

Twelve years together and it is only an issue now, goes deeper than a watch if you ask me.

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Oxfordblue · 03/09/2015 10:31

Hassled but it is a family heirloom now..something that'll be passed down..now, whether it has the right connotations is a different matter.

summermonths I can completely see where you're coming from...what's the point of him literally having a big wad of cash on his wrist, where 'the family' could benefit from it so much.

On reflection, I think he's selfish...sell the watch, say goodbye to the past & embrace new life with family. The time of the watch has long passed. However, he needs to see this for himself & I wonder why, if he's no longer with her, why he's so attached to it.

(My experience with these things is DH had a Rolex bought with his GM's inheritance & a boost from me. He either lost it or was stolen so now has a new one, covered by insurance. The tale of how he got his watch is still there, although more of a journey!). If times where hard, it could be sold, along with my engagement ring.

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Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 03/09/2015 10:33

Wonder of its ok to wear an ex engagement ring then?

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JawannaDrink · 03/09/2015 10:33

YABVU. Its probably not worth nearly as much as you think it is with the engraving.
He doesn't have to sell something he loves because you want something. Children dont' need a bedroom each. You're coming across as insecure and controlling.

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musicmaiden · 03/09/2015 10:34

Lovely watches, incredible prices.

You know you can't force him to do anything. And as a PP said, you can't suddenly start complaining about engravings after 12 years of being together. By all means suggest selling, make your case to him rationally and calmly, but if he loves the watch and wants to keep it, that's that. You'll have to find another way to get the money if an extension is needed that much.

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/09/2015 10:35

I think he should sell it if it's worth that much and you want to extend the house but if he refuses there's nothing you can do.

I'd be pissed off.

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SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:37

I am pretty confident in the valuation. We know two auctioneers at top auction houses and although it was an informal valuation at a party I actually think they were being more truthful than they would be for formal customers. They looked at the watch, discussed the engraving, discussed best ways to sell and both said that they were confident that we could get over £20k.

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Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 10:37

I've got mixed feelings on this one.
1 Not you Op, but I really don't get why partners get upset over possessions that an ex bought their DW/DH whatever. That has never made one ounce of sense to me. DH's long term ex before me used to buy him the occasional soft toy. They are currently on DS2 (aged 16) bed!!

2 You can't force some on to sell something that isn't yours. Especially if it is something they really enjoy. I wouldn't dream of telling DH to get rid of the things ex got him from when they were together -including photos and cards. They are part of his history. I would be fuming if DH asked me to get rid of some of the presents my ex got me. How controlling!! They don't remind me of the relationship. They are just nice things.

3 It would be nice if the watch did make enough money to do build and extension but as others pointed out are you sure it really would make as much as you think. If it would make a shed load of money then it should be your husbands choice to sell and if he doesn't want to, well that's the way it rolls!

What would I do if it was me? If i owned the watch I would get shut but there again I don't own any watches and don't have any affection for them but I do understand that a lot of people do. If I was you I would casually mention it one more time and I would listen carefully. If its a no from DH I would leave it alone from now on.

All in all I think YABU.

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Backforthis · 03/09/2015 10:37

So it's worth more than £40k? Which you could really use as a family? I think he's being unreasonable. I wouldn't hold on to a gift from an ex worth that kind of money when the cash could benefit my DC. It's hardly a family heirloom.

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AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 10:38

Yabu yes it's a possession but one that you don't see most have, it's unique and he obviously loves it as he wears it every day.
However you want rooms built for your children paid by his ex? How can you insist on selling when it's still using her money?

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2015 10:38

I think YABU. It's not up to you to sell his possessions off, unless he has shown any interest in doing so.

If Dh made me sell something I loved, I'd be incredibly unhappy. Although it wouldn't occur to him to even think I should.

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