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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not see this girl again due to her looks?

103 replies

mileend2bermondsey · 02/09/2015 16:50

OK so this is going to sound super shallow but I am genuinely confused as to what to do.

I met a girl through online dating about 2 weeks ago, we chatted everyday, one day til 4am! She seemed so lovely and we just connected immediately. We met for a date last night and as soon as I saw her I felt like just saying 'this isn't going to work.' Her pictures must have been very old or taken from a good angle. She is very, very overweight. On her pics she looked a little overweight but not flat out fat.

I decided to just give the date a chance anyway and we went for dinner. We got on pretty well and I enjoyed myself. But by the end sure I wasn't going to see her again but at the end of the date she kissed me by surprise. She was so soft and tender with the kisses and I really enjoyed it and we spend about 20 minutes kissing. We then went for another drink before going our separate ways.

Now I am confused. I DID have a nice time but I am not physically attracted to her so I can't see the relationship going any further. Shall I just tell her now? If yes should I bullshit a reason or be honest and say I'm not attracted to her? Will she believe me since I spent 20 mins making out with her?

So kinda WWYD really I guess?

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 16:52

What attracted you to Mumsnet to ask this for your first post?

MrsMummyPig · 02/09/2015 16:54

And I suppose you resemble Brad Pitt?

OxfordCommoner · 02/09/2015 16:54

Oh come on. Is this an invasion?

FairNotFit · 02/09/2015 16:55

OP has been on MN quite a long time, Jeff

Maisieknew · 02/09/2015 16:55

Jeff - this poster has posted loads Hmm

Don't know OP - I guess if you're really not attracted to her it's a waste of time but a shame if she's really lovely and so on, you know. Mind you I'm fat myself just now so that steers my view a bit!

MoonriseKingdom · 02/09/2015 16:55

Do her a favour and don't see her again.

She can do so much better Grin

horsewalksintoabar · 02/09/2015 16:56

Don't see her again. Don't tell her you're not attracted to her. I'm afraid you'll have to just say "I am not 'there' right now. It wasn't quite 'it' for me."
You must be young. Don't kiss girls and go for a closing drink. You're giving off the wrong message. Lame. Anyway, ditch her now before the poor thing invests hope in this going somewhere.

calamityjam · 02/09/2015 16:56

I'd try another date. Just make it casual and see how things pan out

Squooshed · 02/09/2015 16:56

If you don't fancy her you don't fancy her.

Just don't string her along.

plantsitter · 02/09/2015 16:57

If you don't fancy her, you don't. If she's lovely and a good kisser I'm sure she doesn't need to be your sympathy girlfriend. Allow her to be free to meet someone who appreciates her properly.

FarFromAnyRoad · 02/09/2015 16:58

Just tell her upfront that you're a complete halfhead and she can and will do much much better. There. That was easy wasn't it.

3rdSymphony · 02/09/2015 16:58

Just point out to her that your penis circumvented your brain for 20 minutes and you were able to forget her massive unattractiveness briefly in the hope of a shag. I doubt she'll bother you again.

JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 16:59

Nah, bet mileend2bermobdseys account has been hacked Hmm

Scobberlotcher · 02/09/2015 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairNotFit · 02/09/2015 17:01

Um, I'm pretty sure the OP is female Confused.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 02/09/2015 17:01

YANBU.
if there is no attraction, what can you do? its not your fault.
don't string her along and do not tell her why you don't want to see her again.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 02/09/2015 17:01

Is mileend a man? Confused

FairNotFit · 02/09/2015 17:02

However, I agree with PP that you shouldn't string her along.

Fluffyears · 02/09/2015 17:03

'I really like you but not in a romantic way I'm afraid' see easy and tells her she is nice just not your cup of tea.

JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 17:04

Mile End is normally a woman.

Maisieknew · 02/09/2015 17:05

Are we positive it's not a woman - same sex relationship?

They do happen :)

JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 17:07

She'd just split up with a bloke and moved back to her mums.

She could have gone to the other side Grin but it doesn't read like she writes

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 02/09/2015 17:07

Just say you didn't really feel any chemistry and that you shouldn't go out again. And then do not go out again!
That would be massively leading her on. It's fine to like someone but not fancy them. I don't fancy very fat men either , but would be fine with a bit of a gut, bald patch whatever.
Just because you don't find obesity attractive it doesn't make you a terrible person, but be honest.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 02/09/2015 17:09

Ooh, x post with Jeff

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 02/09/2015 17:09

Mile End is normally a woman
I am a bisexual woman. Case closed.

Thanks for the replies. I just feel so horrible. I DO like her personality but I just don't see the point in carrying on if I'm not physically attracted to her. I can't change that.

OP posts: