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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not see this girl again due to her looks?

103 replies

mileend2bermondsey · 02/09/2015 16:50

OK so this is going to sound super shallow but I am genuinely confused as to what to do.

I met a girl through online dating about 2 weeks ago, we chatted everyday, one day til 4am! She seemed so lovely and we just connected immediately. We met for a date last night and as soon as I saw her I felt like just saying 'this isn't going to work.' Her pictures must have been very old or taken from a good angle. She is very, very overweight. On her pics she looked a little overweight but not flat out fat.

I decided to just give the date a chance anyway and we went for dinner. We got on pretty well and I enjoyed myself. But by the end sure I wasn't going to see her again but at the end of the date she kissed me by surprise. She was so soft and tender with the kisses and I really enjoyed it and we spend about 20 minutes kissing. We then went for another drink before going our separate ways.

Now I am confused. I DID have a nice time but I am not physically attracted to her so I can't see the relationship going any further. Shall I just tell her now? If yes should I bullshit a reason or be honest and say I'm not attracted to her? Will she believe me since I spent 20 mins making out with her?

So kinda WWYD really I guess?

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 17:11

Then don't go out with people again you're not attracted to Smile

Plenty more fish etc

JeffsanArsehole · 02/09/2015 17:11

Don't tell her it's because you think she's too overweight though (I'm sure you wouldn't)

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 02/09/2015 17:12

Thanks for your post Scobber I definitely don't just go for supermodel types, but initially in a relationships looks are important. Someones appearance changing over time in a committed long term relationship is different I think?

OP posts:
sugar21 · 02/09/2015 17:12

Beauty is only skin deep. I wonder what she thought of you?
I wonder if she has posted her thoughts online somewhere?
I wonder what qualifies you to post your thoughts online?
Are you 8 stone and drop dead gorgeous?
Do you think being slim makes a nice loving person?
We are none of us perfect including you!
Are you the one who is bullshitting?

MamaLazarou · 02/09/2015 17:12

Don't see her again. She should be with someone who can't believe their luck, not someone who is just making do.

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2015 17:12

How can you snog someone for twenty minutes and not be attracted to them?

Are you really that desperate for someone to kiss you?

Buy a dog.

Maisieknew · 02/09/2015 17:13

Out of order worra Hmm wtf? Shock

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/09/2015 17:13

Well if you're not attractive to someone. You're not attracted to them. You can't create chemistry that isnt there.
However please do not say to her. You don't want to go out with her because of how she looks. It could destroy her. I'm sure you don't want that to happen. You have that respect for her, surely.
Just say to her you don't think you're suited

Goshthatsspicy · 02/09/2015 17:14

I think it is fine to think no thanks.
She will be perfect for someone else.
If she isn't your type, then what can you do?

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 02/09/2015 17:14

I wonder what qualifies you to post your thoughts online?

No idea what this is supposed to mean or what qualifications I must posses in order to ask for advice on an anonymous internet forum

OP posts:
sugar21 · 02/09/2015 17:16

Grin at worra

MerdeAlor · 02/09/2015 17:17

Agree with worra you kissed her for 20 minutes without any physical attraction? Seems a shitty thing to do really.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 02/09/2015 17:17

How can you spend twenty minutes kissing someone who you don't fancy Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 02/09/2015 17:18

Fair enough, if your not attracted to her, don't see her again, don't string her along. It's fine not to be attracted to one another, she will hopefully meet somebody who thinks she's absolutely gorgeous.

OurBlanche · 02/09/2015 17:19

NU, you had an enjoyable, slightly shallow moment, she may well have felt the same.

Say thank you for the lovely night out and wish her well finding her next date.

You don't have to explain, just be pleasant Smile

Squooshed · 02/09/2015 17:19

Er, what's the problem with someone posting anonymously about a date online.

It would be different if she said 'I went on a date with Sarah Green from 9 Orchard Avenue, Swindon, here's a link to her dating profile so you can see what she looks like.......'

We've all fancied people who haven't fancied us back and we've all had people we're not attracted to fancy us. That's life.

Mutual sexual attraction is pretty high on the list of requirements for me.

Scobberlotcher · 02/09/2015 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swisscheesetony · 02/09/2015 17:19

So you love talking to her and twenty minutes of snogging turns your knees to jelly - but that's not your type? Whatevs.

I'd love to meet someone with those qualities.

wafflyversatile · 02/09/2015 17:24

I'd say give it another chance. She might grow on you. Not everyone was immediately attracted to the person they went on to have a long happy relationship with.

MagicalHamSandwich · 02/09/2015 17:24

If you don't fancy her, don't see her again. This may not be fair but life isn't always.

Speaking as someone who was once in a sort-of-LTR with someone I didn't really find attractive: it doesn't get better IME. And you don't stop feeling guilty either. Spare yourself and her the pain!

I wouldn't tell her it's because she's too big, though. Terribly hurtful!

SaucyJack · 02/09/2015 17:31

YANBU.

And I have very little sympathy for people who put misleading pictures on their OLD dating profiles then getting hurt when people don't fancy them in person.

Fair enough don't put the one up of you pissed on NYE looking like you're half-way through a dump, but your pictures should be a fair representation of what you actually look like.

AuntyMag10 · 02/09/2015 17:38

Yanbu, she lied about her appearance so that would be the first put off. Secondly if she's not attractive to you then fair enough. Why did you kiss her for so long if she didn't do much for you anyway?

Bunbaker · 02/09/2015 17:38

"If you don't fancy her you don't fancy her."

This

I don't find men with beards or overweight men attractive, no matter how good their company is there just wouldn't be any sexual attraction at all. So I don't think the OP was being deliberately unkind, just truthful.

Lurkedforever1 · 02/09/2015 17:38

It's fine not to be attracted to someone. But it doesn't make sense to then spend 20 minutes snogging them. I'm not a saint and have snogged people I didn't want a relationship with, but never at the end of a date or similar as that would be cruel.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/09/2015 17:46

It's a bit silly that you're even bothering to ask! Of course you don't need to see her again and of course you shouldn't tell her it's because you don't fancy her. Just send a nice text and move on.