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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be called my fucking name?

75 replies

VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:02

My name is two female first names but both could be either first or second names. For example: Leigh May

Sometimes people get confused and call me by my surname. This is easily done and, when its appropriate, I correct people.

At work, however, people seem fucking incapable of getting into their thick fucking heads that my first name is Leigh and my second name is May. I've been there nearly two years, it's a professional, career-y workplace (i.e. not a high turnover of staff) and my line manager does it a lot.

It makes me feel undervalued to be honest. I correct people when it happens but it keeps happening.

I know I probably am BU and I'm a bit emotional anyway but it's really getting me down. Eurgh. I just wanted to rant.

OP posts:
RainbowFlutterby · 01/09/2015 13:05

Can you start calling them by their surnames?

"Thank you May"
"No problem Winterbottom" ?

juneau · 01/09/2015 13:08

So they address you as 'Leigh May', rather than just 'Leigh'? I'd keep correcting them 'Its just Leigh' until they get it. Bloody annoying though. I wonder if Susie Amy has the same problem? I'm guessing she does.

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:08

Rainbow I really love that idea but, in reality, I don't think I'd have the balls to do it. I'm the most junior member of staff and that's just not very me anyway. I know, I need to woman the fuck up.

OP posts:
Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:09

juneau No, they just address me by my surname thinking its my first name. So Susie Amy would just be called Amy IYSWIM

OP posts:
chairmeoh · 01/09/2015 13:10

I'd be pretty insulted if my line manager couldn't get my name right too.

I'd ask for a chat with him/her and raise it as something that you'd like them to make an effort to correct. And that you want others in the department to get the same message.

If you make light of it, there's a danger that it will become the office 'joke' to refer to you by your surname.

Iamatotalandutteridiot · 01/09/2015 13:12

I'd do what rainbow suggested. It's not rude - I often refer to my children by their surname.

Mind you, some people are just crap at names. I have two very good, dear friends with similar names (think Julie / Julia) and I CONSTANTLY mix the two of them up. I hate it when I do it an I REALLY don't mean to and I know if must be flipping annoying because they are both good friends, but quite different at the same time... But, I don't know.... I do it several times a week :-(

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:13

chairmeoh That's a good idea. I have to say I don't make light of it as such (i.e. I don't laugh) but I've never really made a big deal of it before. But today something just snapped in me ad actually I realised just how much it gets me down.

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Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:15

Iamatotal TBH, I do think it is quite rude to refer to people by their surnames. You and your DCs clearly have a private jokey sort of thing going on and that's fine but a colleague refering to you by your surname is really demeaning.

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Iamatotalandutteridiot · 01/09/2015 13:18

maybe... I do it with friends / other parents too... But, then my kids attend a school where Surnames are the norm... But, I can see if you don't feel comfortable, then it's not going to work.

I agree that getting people's names wrong is rude... As I say, I struggle with it and I hate it.

I think the 'raise it at your next appraisal / 1-2-1 meeting with your boss' is the best way to go.

JustOneMinuteAtATime · 01/09/2015 13:19

People do this to me occasionally.... it's usually jokey. I do work in quite a chilled team, though, and I think it's the football influence. I don't mind it.

But there's the key difference - I don't mind it, and they do know that it's my surname. They also use my first name, sometimes.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 13:20

The 'correct' response to this would indeed be to go to your manager and request that they see that your name be used properly. Put it in their hands. Think about ways to make this happen so that if they ask you can make a suggestion.

Another way would be to have a large sign made for your desk (have you got a desk?) with your full name printed on it. You can point at it when someone calls you by your surname.

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:23

Eponas I have an office with my name on the office door. My name is usually misused in meetings or on global emails. At meetings I will correct but it seems petulant to send a response global email to about 60 people saying 'My name is Leigh'.

Maybe I should.

OP posts:
EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 13:23

Or wear a name badge one day. When people ask why you're wearing it you can loudly say: 'cos everyone keeps calling me Bloggs. My name is actually JOE!!

scatterthenuns · 01/09/2015 13:24

How long have you been there OP?

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:24

I like that Eponas Grin Might also make me look a bit loopy!

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Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:25

scatter I've been there a year and 8 months now

OP posts:
EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 13:25
Grin
VulcanWoman · 01/09/2015 13:25

Rainbows suggestion :), they deserve it!

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 13:27

I would keep correcting everyone 'in the flesh', as it were. Maybe do the name badge.

For emails; this might sound silly, but could you sign off as Leigh from X co. No surname. Might this sink in after a while?

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:31

Eponas I always just sign off as Leigh but our company email address is awful as it does surname comma initials first name. So my name comes up in inboxes like:

May, Leigh

if I had a middle initial it'd be:

May, G, Leigh

So this is why people get confused but everyone's email is like this so surely people should bloody well know by now!

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BoutrosBoutros · 01/09/2015 13:35

I have this problem. My married surname is a very popular female first name. Not helped by the fact my first name is also a recognised surname too!!! It does annoy me when I sign off emails from 'Leigh' and get a reply 'Thanks May' etc but I tend to let it wash over me.

If my own boss and bloody team got it wrong though I'd be livid!!! Maybe you need to get out and raise your profile a bit more? Do they do post work drinks you could join occasionally? Or take in some biscuits to offer round? V low level suggestions im afraid but just shaping your face and being there makes it harder to disrespect you in my opinion. I'm afraid my background is media so there's quite a lot of socialising and i'd expect the team to know my name.

I think this is very different to being called by your surname on purpose, that would bother me if the bugger knew it was my surname at least!! Good luck making a fuss!

Queenbean · 01/09/2015 13:36

I know someone like this, she has a male surname and a generic first name (think Taylor Edward) and her email comes up surname, comma, first name: edward, taylor@companyname

People always call her Edward. All the time. Drives her mad.

I would actually raise it every time, it is irrelevant how long you have been in the company or how junior you are - you need to nip it in the bud so it doesn't become a long term habit

badtime · 01/09/2015 13:36

I used to work with a man with a name something like Elliott Julian, and he was constantly being referred to as 'Mr Elliott'. I have no advice, I just wanted to let you know that there are others with the same problem.

hebihebi · 01/09/2015 13:37

I think you just have to woman up and start correcting people in a quite blunt way. So if they say "Thank you May", just say bluntly "My name is Leigh, my last name is May".

I worked with a woman who was always complaining that a guy at work always got her name wrong. One day I overheard him calling her by the wrong name so I corrected him. He apologised and said he had no idea he had been saying it wrong all that time. He got it right after that.

Original poster
VacantlyStaring · 01/09/2015 13:38

Boutros It's not that kind of work environment. I think most people would think I was a loon if I took biscuits in.

Most people don't really know each other very well- we all know names and little bits of info about each other but there's no real socialising etc. as we all work in our own areas and don't really get together apart from regular meetings.

OP posts: