to want to be called my fucking name?

[VacantlyStaring]

My name is two female first names but both could be either first or second names. For example: Leigh May

Sometimes people get confused and call me by my surname. This is easily done and, when its appropriate, I correct people.

At work, however, people seem fucking incapable of getting into their thick fucking heads that my first name is Leigh and my second name is May. I've been there nearly two years, it's a professional, career-y workplace (i.e. not a high turnover of staff) and my line manager does it a lot.

It makes me feel undervalued to be honest. I correct people when it happens but it keeps happening.

I know I probably am BU and I'm a bit emotional anyway but it's really getting me down. Eurgh. I just wanted to rant.

tell them.

I have a first name with only two syllables, like Loraine, limited number of ways to shorten it and the only short version is a bit odd "Lor"? My dad always used the short version and a couple of really old friends who knew my dad. It feels really intimate to me to be called the short version, and very much associated with my late dad and childhood - not adulthood.

I always sign my full name, I introduce myself with my full name, all boyfriends, husbands and friends for the past 50+ yrs use the full name - except one co-worker about 10 yrs ago who insisted on calling me "lor" - even worse, would refer to me as that to clients and other co-workers so it began to spread . I stupidly thought that by pointedly signing my emails with my full name - and introducing myself to people as my full name when she was around - that she would think "oops, got that wrong" - but she never did.

I wish I hadn't been such a woos and had tackled her early on.....

I'd be tempted to reply to group emails where you have been addressed incorrectly with "Can anyone enlighten me as to who this May person is?"

Yanbu. I second the suggestion of referring to them by their surname. Or just ignoring them and saying 'sorry, I didn't realise you were addressing me'.
Mine isn't the same but my names got a couple of similar ones. Eg Anne, Anna, or Kate, Katie. I tend to respond to habitual offenders who have no excuse by mispronouncing their name. However ridiculous. Eg June becomes July, Margerine for Maggie etc.

Honestly, I would avoid the passive aggressive route. I've known quite a few people who have no problem correcting people when they get their name wrong. It really isn't a big deal. Just be firm yet polite.

I prefer the shortened version of my name think George for Georgina and because I introduce myself as that most people use it. But I once knew someone who insisted on my full name, fortunately I only saw him a few times a year at regular meetings (and haven't seen him now for over ten years) and although it really irritated me I coundnt be bothered to pull him up on it. I would now because I'm no longer embarrassed by doing so. I would say that the longer you leave it the worse it gets so nip it in the bud now - just keep reminding people. They'll get it eventually.

Melawen

That would bug the shit out of me too.

I had someone at school who decided to regularly call me by a name that was another valid full-name for my shortening, but an even longer name than my actual name - e.g. a Bethany who's known as Beth being called Elizabeth. I'd also get called another similar name, such as Bethan for the previous example, on a regular basis. I still get that one now, especially at doctors/dentists/etc. where they've clearly just glanced at the first part of my name & decided I don't deserve an extra syllable. My writing's very clear on forms so it's not like it's an illegible scribble. With doctors etc. I just give them a look & point out that it's Bethany but I prefer Beth. If it happened regularly in a work environment then I'd correct them with what I prefer to be called a maximum of twice before just ignoring them if they called me the wrong thing.

I think, given how long you've been there for, you're going to need to get firm & just assume they're talking to someone else if they use the wrong name & then look confused & point out that you didn't understand they were talking to you given that they weren't using your name. Ideally do this in a large meeting or when there are lots of people around so they all get the point. You absolutely must stop responding to anyone who calls you the wrong thing in person.

I have a colleague at work who obviously never reads to the bottom of my emails as he always spells my name in the male form rather than the female form. I use a common shortened version of my full name, which no-one uses at work. Really bugs me, as he's also my hubby's best buddy so you'd think he could get it right!

Two things..

1. At my husbands work they all call each other by last names, it's quite common (though obviously that's not the case at your employer.
2. If your e-mail client is outlook you can easily change how your e-mail name is displayed when you send an e-mail.

Also agree with removing your last name from your e-mail signature and simply using your first name.

sykadelic Yes, we use Outlook. How do I change it? I have tried but I think because I'm not the administrator on the account, I'm not able to do it.

My name has an unusual spelling, (think Hanna instead of Hannah) and people very often use the standard spelling in email conversations even when they can see my signature. It's annoying but happens so often that I don't think it's anything personal. People just use a lot of cognitive shortcuts to save time and effort.

Robotic But my point is that I'm supposed to be a valued colleague so it's not too much to expect people to make that effort.

Poor you, OP. I feel for you. I make huge efforts to get people's names correct, both pronounced and in writing. It is called good manners.

My eldest was named something like Elizabeth but from minute 1 we called her Lilly. My DM always called her Elizabeth despite us saying 'she is known as Lilly' (I didn't want her to have a 'nickname' as her given name, I wanted to give her the option when she was older which name to use). It really annoyed me, but it was one of DM's way of having narcissistic control. One day she was calling to 3-year old Elizabeth and 'Elizabeth' was ignoring her. "That's because she is known as Lilly by everyone except you, so she doesn't know you are calling her. If you want her to have a relationship with you then you should call her by the name she is familiar with," I told her. Because DM could not bear not to be adored she luckily realised her silliness and began calling my DD "Lilly" and we have never looked back :)

Lots of good advice on here OP. I think the 'My name is Leigh' to anyone who calls you by your surname may have to be repeated and repeated and repeated. But it will sink in eventually. Grit your teeth for a few months! On emails I would start each one with "Thank you for your email. Would you mind using my first name instead of my surname? My name is Leigh. Thank you". Just keep doing it, and highlight in red for persistent offenders. If someone is just being difficult then call them by their surname, as others have said. With a smile on your face .

Our surname is sort of like a christian name eg Richards. One school teacher kept getting DS name wrong referring to him as Richard rather than say James.
Came to a head when he sent an email to let us know everyone had arrived safely on a school trip - along the lines of 'just to let you know Richard is here safely'
DH replied - glad to know Richard Richards has made it but could you let us know about James
It did stop after that.

Having the wrong name on your Outlook account for so long is definately adding to the problem, especially as I presume you email mostly.

Definitely bring this up with your line manager, use a phrase like "It is unacceptable people are still getting my name wrong" (as opposed to "I'm upset" or emotional lingo.)

Also ask your close colleagues to please correct people they hear or email who have used your incorrect name.

I worked with a colleague who had two Italian names, but people would often use just one of her names ie "I was speaking to J,..." And I would say "You mean MJ..?" which helps them remember.

Annoying It's gone on for so long, hey!

Demand IT to change your Outlook account and tell them It undermines you, professionally to have the incorrect name.

squidzin It's the way everyone's email address appears. It's not the wrong name as such it just shows surname then first name. It's such a fucking shit way of doing emails anyway!

vacantly you're right, it's not the same. I would be very annoyed too and you're not being unreasonable. I would bring it up in supervision.

Demand IT to change your Outlook account ...

You wait till you have someone with an apostrophe in their surname ...

That's quite funny. I had to interview someone the other day on the phone whose name was something like Sir John David. The PR, who was sitting in on the call, confided beforehand that he was really worried about addressing him as Sir David rather than Sir John.

Your only option is to change your surname, OP.

I work with a woman who has two first names and for MONTHS we were calling her by her full name because we thought it was a double barrelled first name rather than first and surname. She never even said either until one day she kind of exploded and was furious that we kept calling her by her full name

Fantastic Rainbow! YANBU, I'd be extremely pissed off after 2 fucking years!

Lurking or a hyphen...

OP: support.office.com/en-za/article/Change-email-account-settings-58b62e89-6a9b-467b-8865-d5633fcacc3f Here you go :)

I'm so tired of people calling me a different version of my true name that I always introduce myself as my far easier nickname. Only my family use my full name.
It's not even that hard :(