News Flash: Having children will change my life.

[TitusAndromedon]

This is not a MIL thread, but it is prompted by something my MIL has said. Repeatedly.

My husband and I are expecting twins in November. They will be our first children. Every single time we see my MIL, which is fairly regularly, she makes several references to how our lives will change. So, we are going away for a few days this week, and we should enjoy it now because once we have the babies, it won't be so easy to get out and about.

And of course we should sleep now, because once we have the babies, we won't be doing much of that.

And obviously we won't be able to spend our money frivolously, so we should enjoy any new gadgets now because soon there won't be any more of that.

I'm finding this difficult for two reasons. The first is that the constant focus on our changing lives seems quite negative, and I'm already pretty nervous about having twins. Twins were very unexpected and, although I'm excited, it's a daunting proposition. I don't find it helpful to think of every activity as a 'last hurrah' before it all changes for the worse.

The second reason is that it's all pretty obvious. Of course I'll sleep less and it will be harder to get out and about and we'll have less money. We're having two babies! When we made the decision to TTC, it was always with the knowledge that we would be changing our lives if we were successful, and we're taking these 37 weeks to do our best to prepare.

Although these are examples from my MIL, lots of people seem to delight in giving us foreboding warnings about how difficult everything is about to become. AIBU to be a bit fed up with it? And how can I respond in a way that is polite, but also puts a stop to all of these warnings, which are inevitably delivered with a bit of a know-it-all tone?

Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to 'validate' your MIL - on the days that you are struggling - because you will do, and say 'you were right - its really tough, I need your help please' - surely she would be only too happy to help. It would be a very nasty person indeed that says 'I told you so and get on with it yourself' in those circumstances. Perhaps appeal to her motherly side?

Congratulations on your twins. I hope everything goes well.

Yes, your lives will change forever, of course they will. Ours did when our twins were born. It is tiring and restrictive, but the best thing that happened to DH and me, ever. The positives outweigh the negatives by a factor I can't even begin to calculate.

I haven't read the full thread but have you contacted or joined TAMBA? They will give you lots of support.

Haven't read all the replies but as you're expecting twins OP, you need to perfect a smile and nod technique.

If you think the comments are annoying now, the ones you'll get when you're out and about with your babies will do you in!

We found out we were having twins when my DS1 was 10.5 months. If I had €1 for every time my SIL had said "you'll have 3 under 2" I would be a rich rich woman!!!

Just let the comments wash over you and combat negativity with positivity.

And I did need a dressing gown for going up and down to the NICU all the time.

When people used to say about awful night feeds were etc I used to look at them straight faced and say 'oh no I won't be doing that. There will be a smaller water bowl next to the dogs, they can help themselves.' People used to smile at the joke and back away slowly

I found taking the piss very effective. Of course it's bloody hard but it's also the most amazing things you will ever do so it balances out. I love being a mum and I kept thinking why didn't anyone tell me it was like this?? People do tend to focus on the negative.

It's your adventure and its going to be life changing. Enjoy every minute it goes so fast.

YANBU at all, OP. I didn't have too many people telling me I'd find it terribly hard (I think I must have 'bitchy resting face' or whatever the Mumsnet expression is - whatever, I rarely seem to get unsolicited advice) but I heard so many labour horror stories over the years that it thoroughly put me off getting pregnant. As it happened, the labour was fine - didn't go exactly according to plan, but luckily nothing like the stories. But the antenatal exercise class I went to actually invited a new mum in every week specially to tell labour horror stories. Eventually I said to the organiser "I do not find this helpful, I will make the teas while that bit happens."

Your MIL sounds most annoying and if you can I really would go for the sarcastic responses as those always confuse people if delivered in a wide-eyed way. Yes your DH should have a word. It will be good practice for him for later on if she decides to be negative about other stuff.

I feel fortunate now that my MIL confined herself to telling me at great and boring length why I'd chosen the wrong sort of buggy!

I know two lots of parents of twins and they are most definitely among the calmer parents I know -- I think one of the good things about twins is that people do rally round to help and you have got an instant peer group (other parents of twins) who do get it.

I echo PPs saying smile and nod for strangers and not very close family.
To MIL and anyone else who is starting to annoy you with their doom and glooms I would recommend saying "You're really making me panicky that it will be too hard, that I won't cope or I'll be rubbish at it. My mum is so far away, I wish I had her nearby"
I imagine she will offer help, support and she might realise how pessimistic she's being. If she doesn't offer support and help then she's a twat.
I was a shift worker and I can honestly say I got more sleep with a newborn (who still woke 1-3 times a night, she wasn't a 'sleeper') than when I was at work. I'm not trying to boast, I'm just saying not everyone gets the same thing.
Now she's 9mo and I also echo PPs who said it carries on, you'll get 'enjoy them while they can't move/can't talk' etc BORE OFF
I found the best thing was having someone going through things at the same time as me. Having friends and family who've done it all already can be helpful but always hearing 'Don't worry, it'll pass, it's just a phase' isn't what you want to hear. You want to hear 'God I had that last week, this helped or I tried this...' So the twin groups etc sound fantastic.
Good luck, I'm sure you'll cope and you will be doing your absolute best!!