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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else had a 'late' toilet trainer? DC1 may be refused nursery entry as he isn't dry.

157 replies

HackerFucker22 · 31/08/2015 11:59

DC1 is almost 3 and in my non expert opinion is nowhere near ready to toilet train. We've tried on and off for a few months now and not once have we had a wee where it is supposed to go (we're leaving potty's down and offering toilet ... I have a seat to go over loo and a step). We have big boy pants and we've even tried some bribery. So far so bad.

DC1 is due to start nursery immediately after his 3rd Birthday and the policy is that they only accept dry children I am not sure on the flexibility of this nor the 'legalities' but to say I am stressed is an understatement. I don't want to pass this onto DC though.

I have a meeting with teacher tomorrow and will ask but I'm scared DC1 is going to lose his nursery place. Is this a possibility?

I completely understand why they have the 'must be dry' policy but surely my child isn't the only child to not be dry? Surely they must have some kind of workaround as obviously you cannot force them to toilet train to a schedule?

There are no SN involved. DC just isn't getting this at all bless him. We're on our 3rd pair of pants of the day already.

Any words of wisdom or advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 31/08/2015 16:38

Have not read the entire thread but my son was 3 in March and he is only just dry now. I decided to go for it this summer when he was almost 3 1/2, he just wasnt ready until now.
Wishing you the best of luck tmrw!

RumbleMum · 31/08/2015 16:41

As you've said, OP, I think you'll need to discuss with the nursery as it sounds like he's probably not ready. I'm sure you're not, but do make sure you're not putting too much pressure on or making it into too much of an issue as that can make things harder.

I also don't get policies like this as DS1 wasn't reliably dry till he started reception (and we didn't start potty training till 3.3 as we could tell he wasn't ready). Preschool were absolutely fine about it and he wasn't unusual.

How long will he be going for? If it's just a morning then hopefully he'll last in a pull-up.

Lndnmummy · 31/08/2015 16:43

Also we used some little pads called dry like me who have been great. They are inserted into the big boy pants and would hold small leaks. It also prevents an entire puddle if there is an accident (although they are not nappies so wouldnt hold it all). DS started a new nursery this summer and we had just started potty train him (terrible timing). I was very anxious about it but the jew nursery was brilliant, they just said to bring loads of spare clothes. He had 4 accidents on his first day (monday) but on the Thursday he had his first dry day - ever!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 31/08/2015 16:43

MY DS wasn't out of nappies when he started nursery at well over 3. It was a nursery school (which incidentally had many children with SN) They were great and just said they'd work with us on it and not to worry of there were any accidents. DS was dry within 2 weeks of starting there. We just needed a bit of support I think. It really shouldn't be such a big deal for them - they should be able to work with you on it in partnership.
I've worked in early years myself and my strong impression is that good practice is to be accommodating to individual and family differences, including any difficulties or challenges.
I wouldn't be very impressed with them especially as a school based nursery that should be showing best practice IMHO

blaeberry · 31/08/2015 16:45

Quite a few parents on here saying how easy it is to potty train if you do it their way. No. Your kids did very well at responding to the training. This does not mean other kids would respond the same way.

teacherwith2kids · 31/08/2015 16:52

Blaeberry,

Agreed! DS hadn't read the parenting books, so parenting him has always been on a 'from first principles' basis. DD, on the other hand, had clearly read the whole lot and, from arriving promptly on her due date in a textbook delivery, has continued to do what is expected, at the age expected, and in response to the 'standard' methods!

Lweji · 31/08/2015 16:56

Your kids did very well at responding to the training.

Yes, my DS only responded well at 3 years 3 months. Not a few months earlier when the attempt at putting him in pants became hell, as he ended up having accidents and a complete break down every time.

Lndnmummy · 31/08/2015 16:57

Actually pants can make him more likely to wet himself (it feels like a nappy). We used bare bottom for about a week at home and then just shorts without pants for another week. The tightish pants felt like a nappy for ds.

x2boys · 31/08/2015 16:59

your naphew had to sit in a nappy all day 3littlebadgers?Shock thats terrible the school need naming and shaming they were neglecting him and thats a child protection issue!

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 31/08/2015 17:07

I won't post more about potty training day by day because you've had some good suggestions.

I am not saying potty training will work, but I think your expectations for the first few days were maybe a wee (sorry, no pun intended! ) bit high. You can't really be sure at this age that he's not ready until you have given it a good couple of days go.

Now, you may not be ready, because of the baby or whatever else, and that's fine too. What I would say is it might be worth a crack because the weather is only going to get worse. And that on day one or two a wee on the potty is to be celebrated, not accidents a cause to give up.Smile

DD1 also hated the potty by the way. Trying the toilet with a seat is sometimes an idea.Smile

GravityLucy · 31/08/2015 17:09

I really recommend the bare bottoms and not going anywhere for a few days approach. I had several failed attempts because I didn't really know what I was doing. Then I found an approach where you basically watch them like a hawk and learn to spot the signs that they are about to go. You whip them on to the potty/toilet when you see it. It worked really quickly, and she also started to recognise the signs so within a few days would take herself too. Also saved me from saying "do you need the toilet' every 2 seconds, which drove me crazy.

But it definitely wasn't easy. I was expecting her to tell me from the start when she needed to go, I then realised that actually I had to help her learn the signs she needed to go. She was also almost 3. Possibly slightly older. I wish I'd found the approach earlier as I might have managed it sooner. But I can't say that for sure.

Original poster
HackerFucker22 · 31/08/2015 17:24

I think we'll clear the calendar next week and give it a proper go. Also I think having DP here hasn't helped as he's been doing loads of activities with DC and distracting him.

OP posts:
Original poster
HackerFucker22 · 31/08/2015 17:26

I am always curious how people manage not to go out for a week or more?

OP posts:
mabythesea · 31/08/2015 17:27

Depends how much you want to potty train I guess Confused Is it that hard to stay at home for a few days?

prettybird · 31/08/2015 17:30

Tried a couple of times before ds was 3 (despite my childminder saying to wait until he showed more signs). Tried more seriously when he was 3 and we were on holiday (in a villa, so able to give him plenty of nappy free time). Still not ready.

Tried again when he was 3.5 and he got it straight away - and he hwas dry over night withn a couple fo weeks of that too! :)

Fortunately ish I'd not got round to enrolling him at for his 12.5 hours at nursery: should have started in January (term after he turned 3), actually started in August as it happened, he only actually missed less than 6 weeks of nursery as Glasgow council workers had been on strike during that time - so it was never an issue.

ILoveMyMonkey · 31/08/2015 17:31

If we needed shopping I waited till my hubby was home and went then so that DS was home. Lots of cbeebies and playing in the living room, not many other reasons to go out.

5madthings · 31/08/2015 17:32

Well once you have more than one child, pre school runs, school runs, clubs activities etc then yep pretty much impossible to stay in for a week!

We tended to do it at weekend or school holidays and if out put a towel in pushchair/carseat and took portable potty. All five of mine trained pretty quick once ready, varying ages from 18mths to 3.

bigkidsdidit · 31/08/2015 17:32

Yes I agree that 'ready' doesn't equal 'no accidents' - it's a new skill and takes time to learn. My ds (at 2.7) got it in two days for wees and another two weeks of poo accidents (only pooed once a day though) but has never had an accident since, day or night. He was ready, but if I'd posted on mumsent about two weeks of poos I would have been told he wasn't ready and to stop. I think if you're going to do it you need to go whole hog, no pull ups at all, nappy for bed only. If that doesn't work ask about January intake?

Good luck Flowers

ILoveMyMonkey · 31/08/2015 17:34

5 that's fair enough but this is the OP's first child so she doesn't have any other children that need to go to school etc

5madthings · 31/08/2015 17:36

Even with number one I didn't stay in, ds1 was the type of kid that needed to be out and about or we would have gone mad. Maybe a day or two in but not a whole week.

ILoveMyMonkey · 31/08/2015 17:44

Then I guess it's like mabythesea says "it depends how much you want to potty train". Anyway, I was simply answering the OP's question of "how do people not go out?" I wanted to focus on training do staying in for a few days was a compromise to help that happen.

ILoveMyMonkey · 31/08/2015 17:44

*so not do

ChristineDePisan · 31/08/2015 17:45

I did both my DC by taking a week's annual leave during the summer (so we could be outside as much as possible - wee on the lawn is much less of a problem than on the floor inside Smile, and wet pants could be rinsed through by hand and left to dry on the line) and doing very little else other than toilet train. It isn't something, IME, that can be slotted into normal every day activities, it has to be the sole focus.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 31/08/2015 17:45

Yes, but I think even staying in with a bare bum for 24 or 48 hours helps. I agree with no. 2 things are harder.

Lndnmummy · 31/08/2015 17:54

Sorry for keep coming back, it is just a matter close to my heart. I did so many wrongs in that first week of training ds I look back so ashamed now. After a dreadful day in the park when he was so upset and said "mummy the potty makes you cross I want nappies" i decided to get a grip. I carted around 5 sets of spare clothes everytime we left the house, never asked him if he needed to go wtc (he would get really anxious when I did this). We got there eventually, but we had many many accidents along the way. I did wonder if he was ready at times but after a couple of weeks it slowly got better.