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AIBU?

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Original poster

Invitation rescinded - help me respond to this text without BU

123 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/08/2015 22:52

OK. I've had various threads about poor DH's weird family but think this one may take the biscuit......

We have a 1 and a 2 year old and I am currently 28 weeks pregnant. We are off on a UK holiday in a week's time.

We are staying in two destinations and had agreed with DH's aunt and uncle that we would stay with them in between for 3 nights. This was all agreed in January and we had booked our hols around dates that suited them. All fine and agreed. It was very helpful as I could wash our clothes etc in between and cut down in packing. They have often asked us to go and stay (we never have due to distance and babies etc) so didn't feel this was prevailing.

I've just now had a text from DH's aunt saying can we postpone and they will come and visit us at the end of October (ie two weeks before the baby is due)

Reasons for us not coming are that the uncle has been back at work for two days after his holidays and is a "bit grumpy". One of their DDs has a practice DOfE expedition and they are getting a dog in 2 weeks time.

We are now in quite understatement an awkward position as we have to find 3 nights of accommodation at pretty short notice. The places we staying were booked loads in advance so we got good deals but over that weekend are now really expensive. We'll obviously look elsewhere but it's not very nice to be worrying about where to stay at this late stage.

DH is fuming. I actually feel like I could cry.

How do I respond to this text? My natural instinct is to say "Oh, OK." and not rock the boat - although I was actually speechless when I got the text. But then I think maybe I should politely say actually this is very inconvenient. Or maybe I should just let DH deal with it.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/08/2015 22:54

Oh - but I do need to make it clear that there's no way I'll be entertaining them two weeks before DC3 is born!

OP posts:
MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 27/08/2015 22:55

i would say nothing about their rescinded invitation except at most 'Oh dear, that makes things rather difficult.' And I think I wouldn't mention October at all. You've got plenty of time to tell them not to come!

Be merciful-those crap reasons to turn you away might just be disguising some real problem.

RandomMess · 27/08/2015 22:55

I think I would reply something along the lines of

"we have arranged the rest of our UK visit around these dates with you and despite my best efforts haven't yet been able to find alternative accommodation for when we were invited to be at yours. I'm not sure what you expect us to do?"

5Foot5 · 27/08/2015 22:58

How about:

Thanks for letting us know. Can you recommend any reasonably priced B&B in the area that we can use instead?

WickedWax · 27/08/2015 22:59

I'd go with "oh, ok, thanks for letting us know. I doubt we'll be up for hosting visitors in October as it's 2 weeks before my due date. Take care x"

G1veMeStrength · 27/08/2015 22:59

I'd say something like

Oh gosh thanks for getting in touch, sorry to hear about your troubles. We've arranged x and y around those dates so I'm not sure what we'll do now but I'll give you a call tomorrow x

Despondentlyyours · 27/08/2015 23:00

I wouldn't reply. There will be vacancies somewhere, just book somewhere else. Then when they get in touch to stay with you don't reply, when they push it just say that "something" had come up and it wasn't vonvieniebt

CarriesBucketOfBlood · 27/08/2015 23:01

'What a shame we can't stay with you. Not sure about October dates, I don't want to commit to anything that I'm not 100% about.'

LazyLohan · 27/08/2015 23:02

Would it be worth trying airbnb?

Charley50 · 27/08/2015 23:03

There's always Premier Inn. Or maybe even a nice air bnb place. No point getting stressed about it.

FadedRed · 27/08/2015 23:03

Shock how thoughtful of your DH's relatives, to let you down for such good reasons Hmm a week before your holiday.
I would be inclined not to reply for a day or two, just to get over the justifiable anger at this.
Perhaps it would be possible to stay a day or two longer at your first place or go a day or two earlier to the second? Worth asking?
As for their inviting themselves to yours at 38 weeks (WTF?) I'd be inclined to say yes, then ring them the day before and cancel, saying that you were not well. But that's just me being spiteful.........

SavoyCabbage · 27/08/2015 23:04

Id ask if they know anywhere to stay in the area and I would tell them I was not having visitors in the autumn as the baby is due then.

Charley50 · 27/08/2015 23:05

Or an actual B n B. Use wowcher etc to find a good deal. The summer hols will be over so you should be fine. Staying with relatives can be a nightmare anyway.

CalebHadToSplit · 27/08/2015 23:06

I was about to suggest Airbnb as well.

I'd go for either Clinton's or 5foot's message. There could be something more serious going on that they don't want to share, though I would be stressed in your position.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/08/2015 23:07

I'm trying to be understanding myfavourite. I know that. But I think, under the circumstances, I would book people into alternative accommodation (money not being an issue for them). I feel we've been left very much in the lurch with two very young DC

random - I did wonder about that bit then what if they reluctantly say we can come. And then it's all awkward

OP posts:
BlueBananas · 27/08/2015 23:08

I would just say it
"Oh that's dropped us in it slightly as you know we'd planned the whole trip around those dates being convenient for you and we will now struggle to find accommodation at such short notice. And no we will not be available to host in October as you know DC3 is due then"

They sound like inconsiderate arses so I wouldn't pussyfoot around them

DoreenLethal · 27/08/2015 23:08

Dont answer and just turn up. 'What text?'

EcclefechanTart · 27/08/2015 23:08

I'd go with what 5foot5 suggests

reallybadidea · 27/08/2015 23:10

I wouldn't reply to their text at all. There's nothing to say IMHO. How dare they do this by text ffs?!

summerconfusion · 27/08/2015 23:12

Something like, 'oh okay, that's a shame. We probably won't be up for having visitors so close to my due date so I'll call you if we manage to get a b&b somewhere near you and we could maybe call round for half an hour if Uncle X is feeling up to it'

Tricky situation. It's the worst thing in the world when people behave so bafflingly and you really want to text them saying, 'you can't be a real person'

Blu · 27/08/2015 23:12

Oh dear.
If anyone 'deals with it' it should be DH, but fuming at them won't result in a relaxing 3 days, will it?

I would look for a Travelodge or AirBnB, and chalk it up.

Very frustrating , though.

Pobspits · 27/08/2015 23:13

Just say 'sorry to hear things are hard for you at the moment, could you let me know the names of budget accommodation near by? Everywhere seems to be full or expensive especially as we hadn't budgetted for it. We hope to see you some time soon although October isn't convenient what with the new baby. I do hope your difficult situation improves soon.

noiwontstoptalking · 27/08/2015 23:13

I would say:

What a shame we won't be able to catch up after all but thanks for letting me know, I'll make other arrangements. Unfortunately we aren't going to be able to host you in October as it will be very close to the babies due date and we wouldn't want to let you down at the last minute if the baby decides to make an early appearance - I'm sure you understand.

I think that's reasonably polite but should make the necessary points.

It's always a good idea to maintain the moral high ground in these kind of situations. Although personally I'd be unlikely to ever agree to stay with them again in the circumstances.

Seriouslyffs · 27/08/2015 23:15

summerconfusion's text is spot on.

WickedWax · 27/08/2015 23:15

Ooh I'd go with noiwontstoptalking text - I like the nice passive aggressive we wouldn't want to let you down at the last minute dig - perfect!

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