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Pfb? 11 month old

120 replies

koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 17:21

I've just been to visit my old next door neighbours - I'll call them John and Sue for the purpose of this thread! They're a lovely couple in their 60s and I've known them since I was 10/11, they still live next to my dad. Sue has met DD (11 months) before but John hasn't so I thought I'd take her round for the first time.

They have 4 grandaughters, all grown up now and I remember how much John used to love taking care of them, going on walks with them in their pushchairs etc. So he was very excited to meet DD and immediately wanted to play with her and hold her etc. DD is a bit wary of people at first but soon warmed to him.

While me and Sue were talking in the living room, John took DD out into the back garden to show her the birds. I could still see her from a distance but I didn't feel very comfortable about it. I have anxiety and start to feel a bit panicky when she goes out of sight with people other than her dad and grandad etc. They soon returned and I relaxed a little.

After a while he wanted to show her his garage because he had toys in there from when their grandkids were small. So off he went with her, again returning within a few minutes but this time she was out of sight. I tried telling myself I was being silly - I've known them since I was little and know they're good people but I still worried. DD was fine and happy she had toys to play with.

Later on in the visit DD was standing up holding onto something and lost her balance, smacking her head on a cabinet door on the way down Sad she cried for a couple of minutes and has a red mark but she seems ok now.

I've since returned home and noticed a huge red scratch down her arm, and another one on her chin and I can't help but worry that she hurt herself when he took her outside. He's lovely and means well but he's not looked after babies for a long time so has forgotten how much you have to keep an eye on them. For example, he came back with her clutching a bag of lego, a small piece of which just about to go in DD's mouth!

Am I being PFB/crazy or do I have reason to worry?

Btw the bump incident wasn't anyone's fault.

OP posts:

laffymeal · 27/08/2015 17:32

She's a bit young to be wandering around a garage. My dcs couldn't even walk at that age and I wouldn't have put their welfare into the hands of an elderly neighbour, the fault lies with you, not him.


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 17:34

He was holding her, she can't walk.

OP posts:

mabythesea · 27/08/2015 17:37

If she got hurt in the garage she would still have been upset when she came back a few minutes later. She will have got the scratches when you saw her fall.

You need to be more assertive - when he suggested taking her out to the garage you could have said "I'll hold her while you get the toys".


ThursdayLastWeek · 27/08/2015 17:39

None of those things would concern me - 11mo get into a lot of scrapes and you are not going to be able to prevent many of them.

I think I would class this as PFB sorry, but perhaps with done help you could lessen your anxiety and Nike your own life easier?


ThursdayLastWeek · 27/08/2015 17:40



NobodyLivesHere · 27/08/2015 17:45

well, even if she did hurt herself while in the garage shes fine now. it wont be the last time she scrapes herself, as kids get more mobile it happens. i think you are being a bit mental. even with my first i didnt freak out as soon they were out of my sight for 5 mins.


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 17:46

I didn't see the harm in it really, I trust them and was even going to let them babysit in the next few months (this is big for me as I've never let anyone else look after her before). The fall was an accident and nothing out of the ordinary, I saw it happen and the scratches could have been from that. I wouldn't class them as 'elderly' either! Early to mid 60s isn't old and frail to me.

OP posts:

koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 17:49

By the way the house is tiny and she was within hearing distance so I would have heard her cry if anything had happened. And the garage is clean and tidy, not filled with crap and dust like some.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/08/2015 17:49

She would have done the catches when she banged her head. shed have been upset when she git back in from the garage.

I think panicking when she's out of your sight is a bit of an overreaction. If you don't trust him. don't give him the baby. You can't make him sit in one spot if you let him hold her


laffymeal · 27/08/2015 17:57

Well your subsequent posts focus on how little danger she was in so, yeah, pfb it is.


Spartans · 27/08/2015 18:00

It's definitely pfb.

No one else has ever looked after your dd? Not even your partner?


Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 27/08/2015 18:13

Definitely pfb. Sorry op.


Gymbunny1204 · 27/08/2015 18:19

You are not being a "bit mental"Hmm. You are probably feeling guilty that you were unsure about letting her go and the fact she's got a couple of scratches makes you wish you'd had the courage to listen to your instincts.


Costacoffeeplease · 27/08/2015 18:20

Why would you think the scratches happened in the garage when he was carrying her, you'd have hear her if she cried, she wasn't distressed when they came back, and the place is clean and tidy - and not when you did see her take a tumble by accident?


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 18:30

I suppose it was irrational of me to think the scratches could have happened when they were outside.

Spartans her dad has looked after her before but no one else. I've only ever let her out of my sight when either he or her grandad/uncles are holding her and that's only when I'm in the next room.

OP posts:

Bellebella · 27/08/2015 18:35

Pfb like you said she was fine with him, you have known them since you were small. I think you need to worry less about every tiny scratch your child gets. Once they start walking they will get bumps and bruises all the time! It's completely normal and will happen around you as well as other people.


Spartans · 27/08/2015 18:36

So other people have taken her out of your eyeline and your DH has looked after her. You trust this man completely and know it didn't happen outside as you would have heard her cry. It's no different to a relative having her in the next room.


MamaLazarou · 27/08/2015 18:38

I do think you're a bit PFB, sorry love. how are your anxiety levels generally?


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 18:40

Anxiety levels were fine until today Sad

I'm now worried that she was feeling scared or upset wondering where I was.

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 27/08/2015 18:56

Did she look scared or upset?


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 18:59

No. She was playing with a mickey mouse thing he'd given her.

God I need to get a grip. I hate feeling like this. I'm absolutely terrified of people taking her out of my sight I don't feel anxious when I'm in control and it's me walking out of the room. This is the first time someone's taken her if you know what I mean.

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 27/08/2015 19:00

I think you need to ease up a bit.

You're going to make life very hard for both you and your DD if you're constantly hovering over her worried that something or someone is going cause her harm.

Obviously you need to keep your child safe but she will get scrapes and scratches, all children do.


laffymeal · 27/08/2015 19:06

You need to get a handle on this (but you know that Smile. DCs pick up on it and can be fractious and clingy as a result.

Being a parent never gets any "easier", there will always be something to worry about. What you really need is perspective (easier said than done, I know) but at least you have the self awareness to realise you need to address it.

Good luck op.


NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 27/08/2015 19:15

Pfb I'm afraid

Unless you had any suspicions about your neighbour which I hope you'd have mentioned in your post. But then I'd query why you'd be so friendly with them

They sound lovely. My grandad is 86 and has Alzheimer's but he always loves holding his great grandkids when they visit. I wouldn't leave him alone with a small child only in case he got confused and distressed, but that's just because of the Alzheimer's. He has 6 grandkids, 20+ grandkids and I don't even know how many great grand kids, holding a baby (even my cousins two day old baby), is more natural to him than almost anything else


koalabearsears · 27/08/2015 19:24

I don't think its about the scratch really. I think it's because of my OCD and the need to not let her out of my sight.

OP posts:
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