To ask if you think we should make a bigger deal at Christmas?

[honeyandporridge]

The threads already have me wondering.

DH often has to work so I think that's partly why it's just never been a thing. Don't decorate bar putting some cards up. DC1 gets one present. (Other DC was a baby last Christmas so didn't bother; might get her something this year.)

That's it.

I like Christmas but on the whole prefer Easter.

But other families seem to make such a fuss and I suppose I wondered if it was really very strange to have a low key day?

I agree that some people go a little ott, but I think as with most things there is a middle ground to be had. You say you would do more if dc's wanted it - maybe ask them? Probably a bit closer to the time!

But it might be a really nice thing to do - maybe they could each choose one Christmassy thing? Not talking new x-box! But maybe if one might want a tree, one might want crackers etc, that way you're doing a bit more, in a way that suits your family?

IMO it would be nice for your DC if you made more effort with Xmas. You don't have to follow traditions, you can make up your own.

I remember childhood Xmas as a magical time, even though we didn't have 'traditional' Xmases. We had no extended family nearby so it was just our little family unit, and my parents disagreed with the Christian element so focused on Pagan midwinter traditions instead, and also told us stories from around the world. It was about lighting up the dark winter and spending time as a family unit. We didn't have a roast on Xmas Day, but we'd decorate the table with candles, crackers and a sparkly cloth, and dinner would be in the evening by candlelight, with stories round the fire afterwards. We also had a tree, decorations, stockings, presents and put carrots out for reindeer. And we watched Xmas TV and went for a walk on Boxing Day. At my primary school, Xmas was a big thing and I would have felt left out if my family hadn't made it into something special.

I think children take the 'magical' elements of Christmas and recreate it with their own families. This year will be my first Xmas with my new family. We plan to keep it simple but meaningful. No extended family, no visiting, no stress, no elaborate meals or excessive spending. I'll do some baking, put carols on the radio, light some candles and put up paper-chains and tinsel. The tree takes 10mins to assemble and decorate. We'll each have a few small presents to unwrap, and will take a walk. We might add some new traditions too.

When I think what excites me about Xmas, it's the little things... tree lights reflected in a window, the sound of pine-needles falling onto wrapping-paper, making cards with glitter-glue, collecting pine-cones and painting them, watching the glowing bars of a gas-fire, cutting a chocolate log, looking at the sky on Xmas Eve and hoping for reindeer, playing with the warm wax from sparkly candles... all simple things, but they made Christmas special.

I think telling someone that how they choose to celebrate an arbitrary festival is "horrid" and "shit" for their children is pretty low. I reckon saying it's because they "can't be bothered" is a bizarre misreading of the situation. And I would suggest that considering "only one present each" as definitely "not enough" demonstrates a lack of awareness of how people used to celebrate Christmas, before the consumer society essentially ate itself.

Your December 25th sounds much like ours, OP - only we don't buy any presents at all. Or have tinsel. Or beautiful bat-watching nights, alas. And although I think there's some truth in the stealth-brag label here, I empathise; the pressure from society to conform for this particular date is immense, and all too often couched in terms designed to make mothers parents feel guilty if they DON'T MAKE IT MAGICAL ENOUGH!

I think that would be fine pootles. I agree there can be a middle ground. We didn't make a fuss for the first Christmas DS was present as he was only ten months and then the next two Christmases we were moving house and so it's become a sort of habit, which I wondered, reading about other Mumsnetters beautifully decorated homes, if I should break.

Oh, it is not stealth boasting. Really it isn't.

But would you not feel you had to defend yourself/your parenting if someone was telling you that they felt sorry for your kids?

On what planet is having bats outside your home a stealth boast, I am honestly baffled!

I love Christmas. I love the magic in my children's eyes when they come downstairs on Christmas morning to a pile of presents and fairy lights twinkling. I love watching them enjoy their presents and food. I love the fact that while they are little they can believe in Santa and in magic.

I feel so sorry for your children who, in my honest opinion, are missing out on this magic basically because you can't be bothered. I feel sorry for you because your son is nearly 9 already and, to be honest, you're too late.

I adore Christmas, my children have some amazing memories too!

Every December we go on a special trip out to see FC. They have fed reindeers, penguins and giraffes and then had dinner with him sat next to a giant tree. They trecked through a sparkly winter wonderland after a day on nickelodeon land fair and then got a present and another year we went on a lantern walk and a boat ride to visit him and his elves at his workshop. We tell our children to work to a budget for gifts and the budget is around £120....they know the meaning of Christmas so decided to donate £20 each of their money to a charity of their choosing. They also make festive boxes for soldiers that are serving abroad and for operation Christmas child.

Our house is always decorated, this year I am super excited as I have been slowly building my stock of glass ornaments. My youngest is 7 now so its nice being able to get some decent ornaments. Nothing twinkles like glass! This year I am doing a Narnia-inspired tree, complete with lamp post and deer. Can Not Wait!

OP, it may be worth you introducing a few more bits and bobs. As others have said, even just some natural greenery and pine cones. Maybe do some crafts with your kids and watch a movie or two. Make gingerbread, mince pies, hot chocolate and a yule log. It doesn't have to be commercialized or cheesy but it seems a shame not to make a tiny bit more of an effort.

Really can't be bothered seems to be the key phrase

Yes. Its like the OP is rebelling and really enjoying how she tells us she sticks two fingers up to Christmas.

Is it a stealth boast like someone else suggested? In a way it is.

Most houses have bats flying around them at dusk, unless they are in a very urban area. It's just that most people don't see them.

multivac do you not do Christmas at all? Is it for religious reasons?

But would you not feel you had to defend yourself/your parenting if someone was telling you that they felt sorry for your kids?

Of course. But you started the thread. That's what people are referring to with the 'stealth-brag' thing.

It's like when people open threads about how they were given 'dirty looks' for cuddling their baby too much; or asking if they are 'cruel' for only ever feeding their children organic, home-cooked food...

The bats are, I think, a red herring.

As it were.

multivac can't be bothered is a phrase used by the op more than once.
Op you don't have to plan a Disney Magic Christmas but I would imagine the children would like a little more Christmas than you currently give them. There is a world of difference between one gift and a massive over the to pile of stuff, maybe look for a little middle ground.

multivac do you not do Christmas at all? Is it for religious reasons?

Partly; in that we aren't religious. But mostly, it's just how we've always done it. Over the years, though, the day has taken a specific shape as the smalls have grown, and we've picked up our own family traditions along the way. We always have a lovely festive season, and I'm happy that our kids are neither deprived nor somehow superior to children who have a more conventional celebration.

For most families, Christmas is all about tradition so you can make it your own OP by building on the things you love doing together as a family and making sure you always do them.

We always listen to the same Christmas song right before bed on Christmas eve, for example. Started when the children were small and now they like the comfort of nostalgia of it. Lots of little traditions put together during the few days before and after the day itself are what make the Christmas season fun and memorable for children.

YANBU if that's what you want to do.
I LOVE Christmas. I love putting up the tree with the kids (DTs3), baking cookies, making annoying hand made presents for people, making (and eating) dinner. It gives me great joy to put my santa hat on and sing and dance and watch Elf and Polar Express and all the other christmas films for the whole of December.
However we don't get lots of presents. Santa brings stockings (chocolate coins, bubbles, book, pants and socks etc in them) and then we each get 2-3 presents each. For me it is about being together and eating lots of food.
Oh and on Christmas Eve we all open a present which is always new PJ's for the girls, chocolate for DH and a DVD for me and that's what we do on Christmas Eve.

multivac can't be bothered is a phrase used by the op more than once

Fair enough. But I still think it's a bit low to turn "I can't be bothered to put up a tree" into "I can't be bothered to make my children happy".

We make a mass deal of Xmas - I view whole of December as Xmas and we do loads of things.
BUT we do loads of things at other times of the year too, when I work in the summer evenings the kids and dh take the telescope outside and look at the stars and toast marshmallows on the fire.
You keep going on about watching the bats etc which isn't a replacement for Xmas just something at a different time of year. You can do both!

Present wise people do such a wide range that just 1 present is fine.

I know it's August but I do love the thought of Festival of 9 Lessons and Carols on the radio on Christmas Eve.

Yes, just mentioned the bats as an example of how lovely things can just happen without fore planning.

it really wasnt/isn't a stealth boast. I'm lost as to what part people think is.

Nor is it sticking two fingers up at Christmas. I like Christmas. It is nice. But it's not a big deal - prefer Easter, probably make more of a 'fuss' then as the weather is better.

And, it is hard having traditions when the kids' dad might be there but he might not be.

So I guess my feeling is that YANBU to celebrate Christmas as you do.

But that's not what you asked.

YAB(a bit)U to ask on here whether people think you should make a bigger deal, when you clearly know you needn't.

op I think your Christmas sounds just fine.
And you are 'allowed' to opt out anyway.
I didn't feel you are boasting , you just explained what you like and do.

If that is the way you have always celebrated , then how on earth can it be "shit" for you children?

I think there are many families who'd love to make less fuss, but lack the confidence.

I've spoken to lots of Mums/Dads who feel that way.

I feel that Christmas has lost its magic for me. Our families are shrinking as the older generation die, DD is a teenager, MIL has alzheimers, there are no small children among the extended family and we live too far away from our families to see them, and visiting them would mean having to stay in a hotel.

So we just stay at home, the three of us and don't see anyone else for the fortnight the country seems to shut down.

I would love to jet off somewhere abroad and hot and just forget about the whole thing.

Op there is a difference between making an effort at Christmas to joining in with consumerism. We don't spend an awful amount at Christmas but we put a lot of effort in.

Decorating the tree as a family, baking mince pies, decorating the cake, sending parcels to soldiers, watching Christmas films and so on.

My sons are 13,11 and 9. The 13 year old who is long past Santa is the one who gets excited the most about putting the carrot and mince pie out on Christmas Eve.

We live in the country too and see the bats and dusk etc. yes your children are having a lovely childhood but they could also have a lovely Christmas. I agree with an above poster who said its already too late for your son.

But would you not feel you had to defend yourself/your parenting if someone was telling you that they felt sorry for your kids?

I dont feel sorry for your children because you don't give them a Disney Christmas - we dont go overboard here either. But I do feel sorry for them because you seem to be Scrooge when it comes to Christmas spirit so to speak.

We are a cross cultural family but I still have Christmas, we have a huge tree, a few presents, Carols from Kings - but the best bit is the perhaps 40 people I have in the garden on Christmas Day for lunch. I know hardly any of them apart from the childrens inlaws, and anyone my children want to invite from work is welcome. I can have the crew of an aircraft just off a flight or just about to go on one for example but as long as people get a bit of 'home' on Christmas Day with food and a warm welcome nothing else matters.

Its the spirit of things that count more than a huge pile of presents and Im sorry if Ive sounded rude in my other posts because it wasn't intended - but you do seem a bit short of Christmas spirit.

There are things we only do during Christmas such as make and eat mince pies, listen to Healey Hutchinson's Carol Symphony, eat Christmas cake etc. We put the tree up on the last day of school and keep the decorations up until 12th Night. I love Christmas because I like having a week and a half off work with the family at home. We don't do big extended family things, but we spend time together which just doesn't happen at any other time of the year.

Some things can be seasonal without being horribly commercial.

On a tangent, I also can't understand the whole 'Christmas is one day' mentality: it isn't, it's Twelve Days. I actually know people who take down their tree on Boxing Day and that just leaves me boggling.