To ask if you think we should make a bigger deal at Christmas?

[honeyandporridge]

The threads already have me wondering.

DH often has to work so I think that's partly why it's just never been a thing. Don't decorate bar putting some cards up. DC1 gets one present. (Other DC was a baby last Christmas so didn't bother; might get her something this year.)

That's it.

I like Christmas but on the whole prefer Easter.

But other families seem to make such a fuss and I suppose I wondered if it was really very strange to have a low key day?

Honestly, if DD wants something different at Christmas she will have it.

I do honestly try to give my children everything they want. I can't always - sometimes you just physically can't, can you? - but I do try.

san how do you seat all your guests?
Do they all stay in the garden?

I have folding trestle tables that I use and I hire the chairs and the linen. And yes we are in the garden because of the weather but if it rained on the day we would just move it all indoors. There's plenty of room for it.

If you are sure that's all right with you?

Of course it is.

But he had three didn't he

Well, quite. And that was his first Christmas, too - talk about setting expectations from the start!

When my parents were growing up there was very little money to spend on Christmas. They still had presents though (albeit an orange, some nuts etc). They still had decorations (albeit paper chains made out of newspaper etc). They still had a lovely meal.
Having a good Christmas doesn't need to cost the earth but it often takes time and effort. I'm sorry OP but by giving so little effort you are giving the impression that your children aren't worth it. You've got your candle so you're ok.

Christmas is a special time for most and your children will compare how little is done to make their day special compared to their friends.

ultimately it is a waste of time because all the lovely gifts in the world are meaningless

See, I think you are getting hung up on the presents and maybe you think that if you do heaps of presents the whole thing loses meaning.

But that isn't the case. One present or 50, it doesn't matter. It is the feeling that is the important bit. I can honestly say, looking back over say 10 Christmases that I can remember from being a child, and the hundreds of gifts I received over that time, I remember about 5 of them.

But the things I remember are wanting to go to bed really early on xmas eve because I thought that would make Santa come quicker. Lying in bed listening for sleigh bells. Looking out the window in the dark to see if I could spot Santa. Decorating the xmas tree and having only the lights on it and the fire for light in the living room. Having posh glasses to drink shloer out of, and crackers, and turkey. Having pudding (because we never had pudding otherwise). Going shopping in the run up and seeing all the lights and decorations. Opening the advent calendar on cold dark december mornings before school, chocolate was such a treat, especially first thing in the morning. Going to visit relatives and the adults drinking and singing and laughing. It was the only time of year that there was colour in my life, and the presents weren't a big part of it, although as a child they evoked so much excitement.

As I said before, I think it is fair enough to go your own way with it, but maybe just a little bit more effort, and give your children that magical feeling without them having to ask for it. Your oldest might not ask because he gets a vibe of you that its not special and you don't like it. Christmas is about children really, and there are loads of things I do, all year round, that I could take or leave, but I do them for my kids.

I think the candle thing has been misinterpreted.

I always have candles - January right through to December. Love 'em!

I'm not hung up on presents particularly. By the same token someone could say my sons friends might wonder why their families do so little at Easter compared to us, or why some families go abroad and others don't.

I think most kids just accept some families do things differently.

Christmas is about children really

Bit of a shame if you can't have any; and what about those who choose to remain childless? Do they have different rules regarding what is and isn't "enough" on December 25th?

What purpose would it serve?

It creates happy memories, tradaitions that they may want to continue with their own chidren. They can tell stories to their grandchildren about what it was like for them. It makes them feel that they belong. There are many, many benefits to happy family traditions.

Remember OP, you didn't like Christmas as a child and you carry that legacy with you. I think you are projecting your own feelings about it onto your children.

You said that you enjoy Easter more and yet all the objections about Christmas could still be applied i.e. why celebrate Easter, why bother, what purpose does it serve?

What harm would it do to make your own children's Christmas memories a little happier than yours? It takes very little effort really. If you can do Easter then you can do Christmas. You just need to get over your own personal mental block.

But OP your DD won't "ask" when she's 3/4/5 and could be delighting at seeing the decorations twinkling on the tree or having fun hanging them on the branches, or leaving out food for the reindeers, or putting out a stocking and then laying in bed full of excitement unable to get to sleep wondering whether FC really is going to climb down the chimney. As a pp has said, its a shame that your 9 year old has missed out because it may well be too late for him to believe the magic now. Don't deny your DD too on the basis that if she wants it "she will ask".

I don't really understand your attitude. You're flitting between saying you can't be arsed/you're no good at crafty stuff/you don't have time/you don't see the need to do anything other than have a cinnamon candle, one present and a few cards because your life is good in general.

TBH I agree with those who have labelled this a stealth boast. Its nothing to do with having bats in your garden. We have bats galore and deer outside the window as I type, its the general "I'm better because I don't buy into the commercialism" tone. You don't need to buy into the commercialism though to make Christmas magical and special for your DC. Its about them not you at the end of the day. It's not about going over the top with electronic devices and the latest trainers, it's perfectly possible to have a lovely but simpler Christmas without being Scrooge-like about it.

Some of the things we like are:
The tree - you can decorate that as a family with your DH involved in December
Advent calendar - anticipation
Board games, paper hats, special food
A special meal - we are veggies so it is braised tofu and veggie sos + the veg for us.
I don't think it matters too much what you do, but I think you need to do something it special for your family. I have such happy memories of my own family traditions, including being so excited I couldn't sleep.

I liked Christmas just fine :) I just didn't see it as the pinnacle of childhood memories or anything!

I don't object to Christmas, either, I just don't make a massive fuss out of it, or Easter for that matter - it's just that out of the two I prefer Easter as the weather is better and I love daffodils and chocolate

Bit of a shame if you can't have any; and what about those who choose to remain childless? Do they have different rules regarding what is and isn't "enough" on December 25th?

Oh FFS. Does everything need a fucking disclaimer on here now?

Christmas is about children if you have children.

I always have candles - January right through to December. Love 'em!

So do I. There are 11 of them around my fireplace right now. But we still have special Christmas candles that we only light at Christmas.

Something as simple as that can make a difference to your children, if you want it to of course. If not, you can just not really do Christmas and when they eventually have their own families they can decide how they want to do it.

OP - I'm afraid that Christmas is unique on the internet, in that it is the one area where you are simply not allowed to do things differently, still less opt out altogether. You can be an atheist; homeschool; avoid meat; find your own point on the political spectrum...

... but god help you if you Don't Make A Big Deal Out Of Christmas.

Oh my goodness I am getting so sick of the 'you are stealth boasting' comments.

I am NOT stealth boasting.

on the other hand, I do not wish to tramp through forests picking up soggy vegetation and cover it in glitter, I do not wish to light candles (that's a tradition when someone's dead isn't it?) because it's Christmas when I do it all year anyway, I do not wish to have a tree because the cats wreck it!

Now other people do a brilliant job at Christmas. It is August. I click on 'active conversations' and a LOT about Christmas come up.

So I sit here and I think 'am I doing something wrong here?' And I start a thread.

I do not accuse others of stealth boasting in their huge homes which feed the five thousand and sleep them too, I do not accuse others of stealth boasting because they do marvellous crafty things with their children when whenever I try it looks like a three year old did it, I do not accuse others of stealth boasting because they can actually, you know, COOK when mine is frankly shite and everyone would probably prefer cheesy pasta - so why on earth is my own laid back Christmas being open fire to stealth boasts?

Everything's about the fucking children if you have children. Bloody attention-vampires.

Oh - and we SO buy into commercialism.

Just not exclusively in December.

House is filled with crap bought for the children!

Because its an extreme. You've not described a "laid back" Christmas, you've described a cinnamon candle a few cards, no special meal and one present.

OP, you started this thread though.

So I sit here and I think 'am I doing something wrong here?' And I start a thread.

And people answered that question and now you are getting annoyed because what? It wasn't the answer you wanted? Well then maybe you shouldn't start a thread in AIBU.

I will say it again, I don't think you are completely wrong and I see where you are coming from, but you asked the question. Why bother if you have no intention of changing or taking on board the opinions you have received?

No I have not. Someone else mentioned a cinnamon candle.

But. Christmas (day) here is a present for DS and then yes, more or less a normal day albeit a very chilled out one.

Christmas when I was a kid was - open presents (admittedly plural but bigger family) in the morning. Turkey dinner. Chilled out day.

It isn't that much of an extreme.

So why not rearrange things a bit for the sake of the children? A few less presents at other times and a couple more at Christmas. Save the trip to feed the reindeer for Christmas eve.

It isn't just a laid back Christmas, it's almost non existent with cards and a bit of tinsel draped around them .

All that stuff in your house OP could have been turned into Christmas presents- wrapped and put under the tree. If you'd done that, you'd see the difference a bit of magic can make to an otherwise very ordinary toy.

I'm not annoyed slice, I'm frustrated with the stealth boasting comments as I'm not, at all. I feel as if I can't say anything without it being taken out of context. No presents - bad mother. Presents - stealth boast.

I don't actually mind people saying 'you could consider this; you could try that.'

But it is interesting seeing what other people do. I'm surely not the only one who occasionally things you're doing it all wrong and wants to see what other families do?