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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

474 replies

ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 26/08/2015 23:54

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 27/08/2015 11:06

Would insurance even pay out for all of you?

RandomSocks · 27/08/2015 11:06

Why not just cancel with insurance cover and postpone?

Is that possible, OP? That would be a better alternative, if you could get most of the money refunded. But if you have booked everything separately (flights, accommodation and car hire) that may not be possible.

Charley50 · 27/08/2015 11:07

I think I'm right. Be brave and take the other children on your own, and if DH and DSD can join you later in the week, great. If they can't, it's not the end of the world. Single parents and people that can't drive go on holiday all the time!

JeanSeberg · 27/08/2015 11:09

There's a child in hospital, everything else is irrelevant - the reason why she's ill, the timing of the holiday. The father should be with her and making her first few days out of hospital as comfortable as possible.

Plans have to change all the time with children for various reasons.

OP - is there a reason you don't drive? For the future, it may be better to book less rigid holidays that can be easily adapted to one parent at short notice.

KinkyAfro · 27/08/2015 11:12

What if OP and her family weren't going on holiday and her DP couldn't get time off work to visit his DD in hospital? What should he do then, quit his job?

When I was sick as a kid I always wanted my mum, my lovely dad was useless in those situations and he was better elsewhere

halcyondays · 27/08/2015 11:12

I'd cancel and claim on insurance so everyone could go on holiday at a later date, same as you'd do if it was one of your own children who was ill and couldn't go on the holiday.

browneyedgirl86 · 27/08/2015 11:13

There's a child in hospital, everything else is irrelevant - the reason why she's ill, the timing of the holiday. The father should be with her and making her first few days out of hospital as comfortable as possible.

Plans have to change all the time with children for various reasons.

This. I cannot understand why the OP is ignoring that.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/08/2015 11:13

I would go on holiday. If there is anyway to arrange transportation for you at the other end of your holiday (a private transfer from the airport to your accommodation) that way you can base yourselves at the pool (or wherever) until your DH and DSD can make it out to you.

I'd also consider getting the European Health Insurance card (free and enables the holder to free health care while on holidays in the EU):
www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/Healthcareabroad/EHIC/Pages/about-the-ehic.aspx

BoGrainger · 27/08/2015 11:14

I've thought of another compromise. You and ds go alone as an adventure. Just backpacks, no luggage, get a taxi the other end and use public transport all week. DH stays at home with the other children and has dsd at home with him when she comes out of hospital. I'm sure they can think of fun things to do on days out. This way he's not shirking his responsibility and you and ds get a holiday.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 11:16

Bo, that's a really good suggestion!

gymboywalton · 27/08/2015 11:16

there's a child in hospital who has her mum with her.

do you really think every child in hospital has both parents there all the time?

saying he needs to be there to make her comfortable when she comes out of hospital-do you think think her mum will make him welcome in her home so he can be there with his daughter?
i don't know, perhaps that is the set up for them.

BoGrainger · 27/08/2015 11:17
Grin
maybebabybee · 27/08/2015 11:17

OP I just wouldn't bother posting any threads on MN as a stepparent, you will be bashed to pieces whatever you do.

Dancingquality · 27/08/2015 11:19

Lots of bitter people on this thread.

If your DH stays at home it's not like his ex will let him in her house to stay by your dsd side all day to hold her hand.

Let's be realistic, why does OP DH actually need to stay behind other than to make a moral point. dsd will be lying in bed recovering for a week and won't really be that bothered if her DAd is there or not tbh till she feels better. There is such a thing as Skype to communicate etc and email and phones.

Don't deny DH his holiday with his family, he needs a holiday and DSD needs to rest in bed.

Original poster
ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 27/08/2015 11:20

maybebabybee I can see that now... will remember for the future Smile

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 27/08/2015 11:21

Why should the op who has probably already packed for the trip, live out of a backpack and try to sell this idea of an 'adventure' as something exciting Confused how stupid to traipse around like she threw it all together last minute when she planned for the trip.

maybebabybee · 27/08/2015 11:21

People just tend to project their own experiences, says more about them than it does about you to be perfectly honest.

This is coming from someone with a shitty absent father.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 11:21

The dh wouldn't need to be at the mothers house, dsd can be at his house. It is his contact time after all.

tiggytape · 27/08/2015 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintShhhhhh · 27/08/2015 11:22

One in the party is in hospital, tell me again why the holiday cant be postponed?

Do YOU not have travel insurance either? Surely a child in hospital will be covered by travel insurance for costs incurred due to the postponement?

tiggytape · 27/08/2015 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tyrannosaurus · 27/08/2015 11:22

OP go on your holiday, and enjoy it. I really don't think there is much benefit to your DSD if you all cancel your holiday, and the other DC will miss out massively, which is not fair on them. At 12 as long as she has one parent to look after her, she is unlikely to need her Dad hanging round arguing with her Mum. Unfortunately you have made the mistake of admitting to being a step parent on AIBU. The automatic assumption of some people is therefore that you do not care about DSD and are selfish and evil, rather than trying to do the best for everyone. You won't get fair answers.

lunar1 · 27/08/2015 11:23

Why would her dad have to be welcome in mums house? It's his week she would be at his when she gets out. But parents not being welcome in each others house when talking about a sick child is pathetic to be honest.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 27/08/2015 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 27/08/2015 11:24

If I was the stepmother (and I have been a stepmother) I would actually be packing DH off with the other three while I saw to her care and gave her some proper mothering (REALLY old fashioned, I know, but it's something I think I do well, and frankly the poor lass needs someone giving a fuck about her). Or I might cancel the holiday completely and claim on the insurance, and do a proper one during autumn half term. In other words, I would treat her like I would want my own daughter treated.