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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

474 replies

ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 26/08/2015 23:54

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 11:55

Not the suggestion at all Maybe. If it was one of the other dc Ill, I'd bet the holiday would be cancelled.

Fairenuff · 27/08/2015 11:55

I think that you should arrange for your DSD to fly out and join you as soon as she possibly can; at 12, she will be well able to fly by herself, and can be treated as an unaccompanied minor.

Not necessarily. As I said, easyjet do not allow it. An overview of the different airlines and their policy here

I don't know why OP can't just check that and confirm/rule out that possibility. She seems to be being a bit cagey about this and just wants to blame the mother for not wanting to take her to the airport Hmm

OllyBJolly · 27/08/2015 11:59

It seems to me that on MN the SC is expected to be treated favourably at all times even to the detriment of the other children, which is mad.

Equitably, not favourably.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 27/08/2015 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 27/08/2015 12:05

It seems to me that on MN the SC is expected to be treated favourably at all times even to the detriment of the other children, which is mad.

Well let's put that in the context of this thread and see if it's still 'mad' shall we:

It seems to me that on MN the ill child is expected to be treated favourably at all times even to the detriment of the other children, which is mad.

It doesnt sound 'mad' to me, it sounds like responsible parenting tbh.

wannaBe · 27/08/2015 12:06

some of the comments on this thread are exactly why stepparents get such a hard time on here. "brilliant to invite her along" wtf? it's worth bearing in mind here that only one of the people in that family is a stepparent and and the other one is a biological parent, or is it brilliant to keep your children from your previous relationship as part of your new family? no thought not. I wonder if all three of the op's children are her dh's? if not, how brilliant that he is including the ones that aren't his as part of the holiday.... Hmm

Oswin · 27/08/2015 12:07

Woahh, dsd is lucky to be invited on holiday with her family?! Wtaf. Fuck me I hope your not a stepparent.
Op you say if the situation was reversed and the mother was posting about how her ex had bought back a very ill untreated child from holiday he would get called a shit dad ect.
Yep he probably would.
If the mother would then insist she was going on holiday and leaving her dd with the neglectful father, she would be torn to shreds.

When I was a child if I was in hospital my dad would have done whatever he could to be by my side. A holiday wouldn't even come into his head as a viable option.

Pp upthread say she has her mother she's fine. The same mother who neglected to get dd treated? Really that's who you would want to be in charge of your child when there hospitalised?

Its not about being a Sm or a dsc. Its about a child who is ill in hospital.
This is not about point scoring.

OP your dh needs to realise that when one parent is a bit shit the other needs to Step up.
My ex loves his daughter but is really a shit parent. So I have to make sure my parenting is spot on.
I am always there 24/7 because her father cant be trusted to be responsible.
That is the position your dh is in. Yes its shit.
Its just being a good parent though.

maybebabybee · 27/08/2015 12:07

just for context, I had a really bad chest infection (as in six weeks off school) aged 14 just before my parents (when they were still together) were due to go on holiday. Had three other siblings. They'd spent a fortune on the holiday. They left me with my grandparents. It was fine.

I think there is a lot of hysteria on this thread. Personally.

diddl · 27/08/2015 12:08

If she is fit to leave hospital but not to fly, wouldn't her dad need to stay with her anyway as it's his arranged contact time?

thehypocritesoaf · 27/08/2015 12:08

Why wouldn't the mum say - "we've had our holiday, she'll be fine in a couple of days, you go."
That's what most nice people would say, surely?

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 12:09

I may have missed you saying, but what does your dh think about the situation? Does he want to go on holiday or is he being guilt tripped into it? (I don't mean that in a harsh way, I just didn't know how else to word it).

Greenpickachu · 27/08/2015 12:09

How does the DSD feel about her DH going off on holiday without her, does anyone know. Is she bothered?

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 12:11

Hupocrite, it's already been established the mother is abit neglectful and crap so I can't imagine she is nice enough to say that.

Even so, it's still the fathers contact time.

Greenpickachu · 27/08/2015 12:11

This sounds like something DH and his DD need to discuss themselves tbh.

BoGrainger · 27/08/2015 12:12

Who'd believe the mother anyway if she said dsd will be fine in a couple of days? Look what happened last weekShock

Fairenuff · 27/08/2015 12:19

I don't think OP is coming back. She didn't like the honest responses she got.

maybebabybee · 27/08/2015 12:22

I suspect the OP has hidden the thread. It's what I'd have done given the responses.

BrockAuLit · 27/08/2015 12:28

What would you do if the unwell, hospitalized child were one of your own? Two of your other kids and your DSD would have been really looking forward to the trip. Of course one of you would stay behind or you would have cancelled the whole trip - that's just life and bad timing, you would have said. Don't say your kids are young and there would have been no one else to watch them; you wouldn't have been able to galivant off on holiday with a sick child in hospital, and you'd be cowardly to conflate child-minding issues with any moral dilemma.

You are being grossly unfair to DSD, are angry with her mum, and are hiding behind the other kids' disappointment. The girl is in hospital FFS. You can only contemplate still going on holiday while she lies in a hospital bed because you don't consider her to be your child. Neither of you do, you or DH. Poor, poor kid.

DixieNormas · 27/08/2015 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wowfudge · 27/08/2015 12:43

This isn't a child who will be left with no parent around if her father's family do go in their holiday. Yes, her mother has been stupid and selfish in not having her treated, but the other children will miss out if the family doesn't go.

Can her DH visit her before you go and can you make arrangements for her to join you when she is well enough? If he visits he can speak to the medical staff at the hospital (assuming she is still there at the moment) and get their assessment of her condition and likelihood of her being able to travel.

You should also look into getting her annual travel insurance in her own name so this situation doesn't recur.

BrockAuLit · 27/08/2015 12:45

Furthermore, the cowardly thing to do would be to seek permission from the 12yo child. I'm willing to bet at is what will happen, perhaps with the promise of another trip another time...

Fairenuff · 27/08/2015 12:46

I expect you are right maybe, the truth can hurt. But hopefully she will have seen enough to have a rethink about how the dsd is being treated by all the adults who care for her.

SeasideSunshine · 27/08/2015 12:47

It's the father's time for contact. That means she is his responsibility, which means he needs to stay behind while she is in hospital and care for her when she gets out, either at home or both of them joining late on the holiday.

Interesting how many threads on relationships have women insisting that the NRP should be responsible for childcare for the dcs when it's their time for contact, but yet here, people are saying the exact opposite - just flit off on holiday and ignore the fact that it's his time to for contact and she is his responsibility.

JoandMax · 27/08/2015 12:47

Have you rung and checked with your insurance company yet?

DS2 was admitted to hospital the day we were due to fly a couple of years ago - we cancelled our flights with a few hours to go and rebooked for a later date. The insurance company coughed up for the whole family no problem......

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 27/08/2015 12:48

Oh, and asking the 12 year old? Can we say emotional blackmail?

"DSD, you don't want daddy and your siblings to miss out on a lovely holiday just because you got sick, do you?"

Hmm what a rubbish thing to put on a child.