AIBU to not give money to these friends

[yorkshapudding]

I really don't know if my friends are cheeky feckers or if IABU for finding them cheeky so hoping MN can give me some perspective.

In the past month or so I have been included in two group FB messages from friends asking me and everyone else they know to "donate" to their crowdfunding sites.

The first message if from a couple who have decided to quit their jobs and go traveling around the world for an unspecified amount of time. They state that they have been saving up and will be selling pretty much everything they own (although they point out that they don't have cars or property to sell) but still need money for their "trip of a lifetime" and are asking their family and friends for "donations". There is a lot of blurb about how they both hated their jobs and they've decided to do something brave and change their lives for the better etc. Fair enough, but I'm not sure I should be expected to fund their decision

The second message is from a friend who is planning to start her own business. It is a leisure/entertainment type business for which I imagine she will need to find a premises, employ staff etc although she doesn't actually say what she plans to spend the money on. She just says that although she is using her own savings and plans to secure a loan she will still be a few grand short and is "hoping this will come from donations by generous family and friends". It is very clear from the message that she isn't looking for investors, just "donations" to "make my dream happen".

I admit I don't know much about crowd funding and am probably out of touch but I thought it was developed to raise money for charitable causes or projects that are socially useful in some way.
Is it now considered acceptable to outright ask people for money for things you want to do but can't afford as long as you do it via social media? If so then where is the line? Would it be acceptable for me to send a message saying "It's my dream to live in a bigger house but I don't earn enough to cover the mortgage so here's a link to my crowd funding page"??

Maybe I'm being mean but it just feels uncomfortably close to begging for a handout, which would be fine if any of these people were in genuine need but quitting your job to travel and starting your own business are choices aren't they? There seem to be a lot of replies saying "will definitely donate" etc so that makes me wonder if I'm just being a misery

So MN jury, would I be unreasonable to ignore the above messages or would you feel obliged to bung them a few quid?

I think FluffyNinja's response is a good one. If she really is a friend, reply "I think you should not be putting me on the spot like this" or "We are not in a position to help with this, it is a bit unkind to publicise the fact so much." should be ok. Most real friendships can take it. If she is just an acquaintance who you can't completely avoid, don't respond.

And throw in a lol after each sentence.

Ask her to send you her business plan, and that you'll decide whether to "invest" after reading it.

I bet she doesn't send you anything because she probably doesn't have a plan

Fuck me I am so old I find this kind of thing off the scale especially your update , totally surreal.

Thats so rude of your acquaintance to push and push for money- and so rude to people willing giving up their time for free to help her. Says it all, really.
Just ignore her, IMO, and maybe unfollow her on FB/ have setting so she can't post on your newsfeed.

if she says anything when you meet, you could answer " yes, you embarrassed us, constantly asking for money when it was clear for own own reasons we chose not to. Let's change the subject"

I thought crowd funding for business was a different ball game than crowd funding for charity or a worthy cause. All plans, offered stake in business, clear expertise etc, and angel investors who want a return on their investment, whether it be £100 or £100k. she sounds a chancer to me, tbh.

The holiday pair- that's amusing:) More front than Brighton:)

To be fair to the holiday pair they haven't mentioned it since that first message so I think perhaps they've realised it was taking the piss.

YANBU
Don't give them any money. Some people astound me, they should save their own money instead of begging.

*We wish you all the best with your new business, but unfortunately we're not in aosition to invest in it, I'm sure you understand.

Unfriend her immediately. The cheek!

It would make things awkward for a lot of people if I did, not least DH who is very close with her brother and sees him all the time.

OP< I can't remember if you mentioned this before, but what does her brother think of this?

This

'while we wish you all the very best with your business venture we will not be donating. I'm sure that you will respect our decision on this.

Impressed me a lot.

As did hedgehog.

I ignore any circular messages asking for sponsorship. Any which come to me directly get the reply:

LOL. April Fools was yesterday / a month ago / in six months (whatever's appropriate.

were the holiday pari taking the piss out of the business scrounger?

I would be tempeted to post back: "you are not still trying to scrounge money are you? Thought you were joking! Lol"

Lovely reply from sunshine but if you want an alternative you could say "my name is Yorkshapudding not feckin Barclay's. Love and kisses, Yorks".

Crowd funding is about investment - getting a return on your investment. DH paid to kick start a game he loved. In return he got a star named after him on the game, all future content, the game itself and other goodies. As well as hours of enjoyable playing time. The returns might not be monetary but they are there. Neither of these offer anything in return. Grabby. I'd be re-evaluating them as friends.

Tell her you're glad she's messaged you, because you were meaning to get in touch to ask her for a donation towards your new business venture.

As she is being so thick-skinned/persistent, I would reply:
Thank you for all your messages. I see from Facebook that you have expressed surprise and disappointment that more people have not donated. If you were offering an investment opportunity, backed up by a sound business plan then I am sure people might entertain this. However, most people (us included) are simply not in a financial position to give people freebie handouts, not matter what their 'dream'. Good luck with it all but I am afraid you will have to count us out'

She sounds a hoot! I'd be tempted to not reply just to see what she comes out with next.

I went on the sort of trip that a lot of people fundraiser for - I did some, but mainly car boots, or things like quiz nights where people were at least getting something out of it. And even that felt cringed enough asking people along - I refused to beg ask people outright, when it was something I had chosen to do!

WOW. Some people's sense of entitlement is just beyond belief.

Andy, her brother replied to the original message saying that he was sorry he couldn't donate as he has an upcoming wedding to pay for but will help in any other way that he can. It wasn't acknowledged. DH did say that her brother mentioned something about it last time they played football and the impression he got was that her family find it a bit embarrassing.

did she ever say what the money would actually be used for?

Respond to the group message with.

I'd love to invest. i have the money right now.
I would just like to see a business plan k thanx bye

york 'a bit embarrassing' translates to 'we're all completely mortified please don't think we're all this rude'