AIBU to not give money to these friends

[yorkshapudding]

I really don't know if my friends are cheeky feckers or if IABU for finding them cheeky so hoping MN can give me some perspective.

In the past month or so I have been included in two group FB messages from friends asking me and everyone else they know to "donate" to their crowdfunding sites.

The first message if from a couple who have decided to quit their jobs and go traveling around the world for an unspecified amount of time. They state that they have been saving up and will be selling pretty much everything they own (although they point out that they don't have cars or property to sell) but still need money for their "trip of a lifetime" and are asking their family and friends for "donations". There is a lot of blurb about how they both hated their jobs and they've decided to do something brave and change their lives for the better etc. Fair enough, but I'm not sure I should be expected to fund their decision

The second message is from a friend who is planning to start her own business. It is a leisure/entertainment type business for which I imagine she will need to find a premises, employ staff etc although she doesn't actually say what she plans to spend the money on. She just says that although she is using her own savings and plans to secure a loan she will still be a few grand short and is "hoping this will come from donations by generous family and friends". It is very clear from the message that she isn't looking for investors, just "donations" to "make my dream happen".

I admit I don't know much about crowd funding and am probably out of touch but I thought it was developed to raise money for charitable causes or projects that are socially useful in some way.
Is it now considered acceptable to outright ask people for money for things you want to do but can't afford as long as you do it via social media? If so then where is the line? Would it be acceptable for me to send a message saying "It's my dream to live in a bigger house but I don't earn enough to cover the mortgage so here's a link to my crowd funding page"??

Maybe I'm being mean but it just feels uncomfortably close to begging for a handout, which would be fine if any of these people were in genuine need but quitting your job to travel and starting your own business are choices aren't they? There seem to be a lot of replies saying "will definitely donate" etc so that makes me wonder if I'm just being a misery

So MN jury, would I be unreasonable to ignore the above messages or would you feel obliged to bung them a few quid?

She is a single mother with five children.

Who all live at home

But someone up thread said they were all adults now so they have saved money by not living independently they can now put towards their own place. If my sibs and I decided to never leave my parents house I wouldn't expect extra money from strangers when they died if the mortgage wasn't paid off

The business lady, I'd ask to look at her business plan!

For the holiday couple, I'd ask for a detailed itinerary from them so you can choose which part of their trip to sponsor.

When neither are forthcoming say "sorry, old love to support you, but I'd like to know exact my where MY money is going"

It's not crowd funding - it's begging.

Pretty much this.

The 'trip of a lifetime' couple seem especially cheeky.

Hahaha.

Good luck to them.

Cheeky beggars.

From the title I thought you might have friends who were doing a REAL crowdfunding type thing for a business, but you didn't want to donate because you thought their business was crap and the rewards for donations were things you did not want.

A family member did two charity trips of a lifetime. TWO!
She got very agitated when we declined paying to attend her fundraising dinner. I
I did eventually ask how much of this trip are you paying for? She didn't ask for any money after that. So bloody cheeky, I'd love to do lots of these trips but I wouldn't ask others to pay for it.

Ignore the posts.

I am getting compassion fatigue with friends doing charity fundraising as well. It so often seems to come in the form of some sort of personal fun or glory for them, that's the problem.

And I am always being asked to cough up a tenner a time for a raffle ticket for my NDN's child's rugby club. It's not my hobby, not my child, I don't give a stuff about funding a sports club that I have no use of and no interest in, but I do it because she's a good friend and I can't be bothered with the bad atmosphere that a refusal will lead to. And then there are the constant sponsorships from school….

i wouldn't give a penny to any cheeky cunt who just wants to go off on their jollies.
ignore the wankers.

2rebecca no they aren't all adults. Thank goodness other people have more compassion. They reached the £65,000 target, it's now over £70,000 and people are still happily donating.

The only one i have donated to was a fundraiser for a friend whose 20 month old passed away suddenly.

No way would i essentially pay for holidays and business ventures.

I would "donate" to the second onne IF (big if) it were an investment, not a hand out.

The first one - cheeky buggers, No!

I am part of two crowd funding ventures at the moment.
First one is to get one of my favourite books, Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk, made into a TV show/film.
I have received a T-shirt for my contribution
Second is to get the sequel, City of Refuge, published
Bantam told Starhawk there was no market for it so she has crowd funded it and reached target in a couple of weeks!
www.kickstarter.com/projects/1548894274/city-of-refuge-the-sequel-to-the-fifth-sacred-thing
This is so far from the greedy requests of OP's friends.

YANBU. They are all cheeky fuckers.

YANBU - in your position I wouldn't be donating to either. A round-the-world trip should be self-funded. It's not a honeymoon where you can buy them activities as a wedding present, nor is it raising money for charity.

I had thought crowdfunding was when people wanted to develop a product on which funders get first dibs, or if they want to make a film about an important issue.

Op what have your friends been sniffing/drinking as I would like some to

I've heard it all now,maybe I should set up on of those funds for myself....
This would be mine tell me if I'm asking for enough or not?

To all my friends and family that are so lucky to have had me touch they're lifes.I need 50,000 to fund my expedition to find the rare and never as yet seen Unicorn.I am sure you'll all agree that finding such Unicorn would enhance my life by an extrem amount!

I know 50,000 is a very small amount for the honor of being involved in my life but as you are all aware I am a great believer in charity,such as the charity I have bestowed on you all by allowing you to know me.

Yours Faithfully
Taking the Bloody Piss

Is this really a thing??

Wow.
I can see the point of charitable ones but funding traveling.

Hopefully not too OT, but the only crowdfunding I have supported was for Richard Herring to carry on making video versions of his interviews with other comedians. I pledged £30, and in addition to 18 interviews (the Johnny Vegas one was worth it alone) I got a personalised piece of memorabilia.

That was through KickStarter, which seems to have quite strict rules about what you can raise money for, and what recipients are (legally) obliged to do to fulfil their offers.

If someone is seriously crowdfunding they would arrange it through a trusted agent, who will have rules and protection.

If they're not seriously crowdfunding, then there is an old real-world word for it. It's called "scrounging".

I wouldnt donate either, but I dont think theyre outrageous to ask in that way, as long as theyre not guilting anyone into it. Its not like theyre cornering you in an alley

no way would I be giving them money, how cheeky!!!

I sponsor friends and family but only if I think what they are doing and the charity is worthwhile enough. And it depends on who it is. I have one family member who's always doing something for charity sponsorship, I have sponsored him a couple of times but the one time I did a charity run he didn't sponsor me so I don't bother sponsoring him now.

not RTFT, but IMO it's very simple - ya NEVER bu not to give money to friends unless you actually owe them, or unless they are in dire straits AND you are rich enough to not miss it. Cheeky feckers!

So instead of buying life insurance, saving up for dreams etc people just sponge off their friends? Bare faced cheek.
Another reason why FB is a big no no for me.

All the "children" still have fathers alive though Runrun. It's far more likely that the youngest child will go to live with his father or grandparents when his mother dies than stay with the much older siblings with a different father who all have plans of their own.
If people have spare money they can spend it on what they want though but I'd want to know the people before giving money as often there are underlying tensions and the fundraising money is used as a weapon. I knew a man who used the local paper to raise funds for toys for his daughter who lived elsewhere with her mother who then died in an accident. The father tried to get residency using the money he'd raised as an example of his good parenting (he'd never worked or seen much of the child). The child went to live with her maternal grandparents, no idea what happened to the money.

YANBU. That is seriously cheeky. Ignore.