to let my DD have play dates at a friends who is a single father

[KTlee]

My DD is 7 years old and going in to year 3 in September. DD and two other girls in her class are best friends and regularly have playdates. There have never been any issues.

Myself and the two other parents, know each other quite well and will often go out for coffee during term time. I have no issues with either parent.

However, we have been taking it in turns to host the playdates for our DD's, DD has been to both of her friends houses many times. Each time one of DD's friends is invited over to the other girls house however her mother will make excuses for why she can't come. She is always fine coming with her DD coming over to my house. The mother will always say she is busy when the other parent offers. Earlier when I was discussing with her a suitable time for our DD's to go, she came out with that she doesn't allow her DD to go to this house because the parent is a single father and there is no adult female present. She thinks I should be the same and is shocked I let DD go.

As I said all three of us are pretty good friends and meet often during term time. Myself and mother to DD's friend often talk about what a good dad the other parent is to his children so I don't get the issue. He volunteers so has a CRB so that can't be the issue.

AIBU to let my DD freely go to playdates around her friends house where her father is a single parent or is the mother of DD's other friend being Unreasonable not allowing her daughter on playdates unless a female adult is present?

Should add that the playdates are for a few hours - a day, not sleepovers. Not sure if that makes a difference.

Hoping that the other parent is being unreasonable as DD loves going to her friends house and he is a genuinely lovely guy who just happens to be the sole carer for his children and currently have no girlfriend.

Some weird responses on this thread.

So if the mum has had an experience which makes her paranoid then the issue is her's and she should seek help to deal with it

Yes because it's just that easy, right?

sooky

I wasn't going to post, but just wanted to say that my dd1's best friend lost her mum 4 years ago. She was a good friend, and her dd and my dd1 are still the best of friends, she has had sleepovers there and is over there a lot. Her dad is lovely, a wonderful dad and a wonderful friend. I don't know a single one of their classmates that wouldn't be allowed over there for a playdate.

Please don't worry yourself about this thread.

Glitteryarse

"Maybe you need to look at the statistics of children being abused in this country. Most of them by some one they know."

If you are going to use the "stats" then she should be looking at father, step father or close male relative.

What's the difference just because he is a single father? Surely a married could invite your Dd over and the father could have the girls whilst the mother pops to the shop etc. the risk isn't any different in my mind.

I leave my DH looking after DDs friends and DD when I have to pop out.

Isn't the point of the 'its often someone they know' statement that its actually very difficult to protect our children from abuse? By their very nature, abusers strike when they aren't suspected, in situations where they have power and can take advantage. Very, very few people leave their children with known abusers (or indeed marry them) and yet it happens. No one, or almost no one, EXPECTS their brother/friend/partner, will abuse their child. This is exactly the reason it is impossible to completely eradicate.

I agree that, to a certain degree, there is nothing wrong with people protecting their children to different levels depending on what worries them. Some parents will be unreasonable but it ant actually harming the child

However I think some on this thread are suggesting that their children are therefore more likely to be safe and I really don't think it works like this. I think NSPCC guidance is very clear that measures like crbs, avoiding certain places or people (known abusers aside) are not effective ways of avoiding abuse.

Mum's new boyfriend is the highest sexual risk to children.