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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 23/08/2015 17:04

Very interesting about calpol not helping with febrile convulsions. My son used to have them so I always gave him some calpol as soon as he had a high temp. He is 16 though so it was standard advice then.

YANBU OP. I gave mine calpol when mine were in pain or a fever was making them uncomfortable.

Micah · 23/08/2015 17:07

Superman- leukaemia is a whole other ball game to a simple childhood virus. Anyone with any sense would approach it completely differently :)

Zzz- i believe it's better to let the immune system fight the virus as quickly as possible, and get it over with. I'd rather that than give calpol and have them feel slightly less crap, but for two days longer. Same reason I don't take cold medication.

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 17:09

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TheFallenMadonna · 23/08/2015 17:12

The NHS website says that giving ibuprofen or paracetamol does not reduce the risk of a febrile seizure.

Supermanspants · 23/08/2015 17:15

Micah
Calpol is used extensively when treating the temperature spikes/fevers brought on by infections. My daughter had a serious seizure brought on by a huge temp spike. The other poster was commenting on the fact that medication can possibly prolong illnesses. Not sure what point you are making. Lots of different kinds of infection that often need treating aside from the actual leukaemia.

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 17:17

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IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 17:18

A fever is the body's way of fighting infection and lowering a fever changes that response

I have been told off a few times when not given calpol or ibprfuen quickly enough.

Not told off but " you should have given straight away" sort of thing.

I worry about anyone who has extreme views though because she has no real ability to judge each situation on merit. She is now viewing all through these strange anti pain relief glasses.

I think its cruel.

sherazade · 23/08/2015 17:19

Re teething I just thought my dds had it lucky because whenever I noticed new teeth there was never any extra crying / fever prior to that.

TheFallenMadonna · 23/08/2015 17:19

Well, I'm not a medic, so I have no real knowledge. I ask so give ibuprofen to. Y children. However, I can see why people would read that on NHS choices and not medicate a fever in a child.

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 17:21

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Supermanspants · 23/08/2015 17:23

Same here Sherazade with one of mine. Her sister, on the other hand...... Shock

Bunbaker · 23/08/2015 17:24

"I have been told off a few times when not given calpol or ibprfuen quickly enough"

Same here. When DD was two she had a convulsion and stopped breathing. She was blue lighted to hospital and was very ill for a couple of days. She was looked after by a nurse with a streaming cold, and ended up in hospital again three days later with a severe chest infection.

After that whenever her temperature spiked I always gave her Calpol/Ibuprofen.

She is a teenager now and copes with (rare) high temperatures much better.

She never had a high temperature or went floppy/drowsy when she was teething.

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 17:26

I know some countries work dosage on weight rather than age guidelines which makes much more sense

It certainly does.

In all cases of OD or taking noxious substances first thing they use to work out effects are weight.

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 17:28

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Wildernessrock · 23/08/2015 17:29

I give calpol/ ibuprofen to my children if they are in pain ( or ibuprofen only if they have inflammation anywhere). You should not give calpol for fever only though. A fever is a good thing, it helps your body fight infection. I know far too many people who over medicate and I think that's more dangerous. From the description in the op I see a baby who needs to go home and sleep- not requiring calpol stat!

VirginiaTonic · 23/08/2015 17:33

If cutting teeth was so painful then children would be in pain for most of their lives. By the time they are are teenagers the will have cut around 50 teeth. Most children have an emeging tooth present for much of their childhood. That will be a lot of calpol!

It isn't the same as someone sticking a pin in the gum. Teeth grow gradually and the gum adapts little by little. They don't erupt like a needle through the gum with sudden pain.

Obviously, many of you have different definitions of pain to mine. In my experience a cutting tooth causes some minor discomfort. Pain would be breaking a limb, a bad graze after a fall, a sprain, a twisted ankle, a severe tummy bug, a major bump to the head, etc.

ArgyMargy · 23/08/2015 17:35

In contrast to some people (including my mother) I do not believe that suffering is good for the soul. Therefore if I am in pain I take drugs. If my children are in pain I offer them drugs. However there needs to be moderation and sense applied as with everything. I wonder how many of the posters who are berating the OPs SIL are the same folks who urge people to insist on antibiotics for a viral infection? I see plenty of that on MN.

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 17:37

I have to say my DD was v ill with the cpox when her temp went high and thats the only time, during all colds and illness my dc have been hot and floppy.

TheFallenMadonna · 23/08/2015 17:38

Febrile seizures though zzzzz? I don't want to bang on about a subject on which my source of info is Google scholar, but there are a fair few papers that say that anti pyretics do not reduce the risk of febrile seizures. My mother is epileptic and is nervous when she has a fever.

unlucky83 · 23/08/2015 17:40

Rarely have ever given mine calpol - just if they were really miserable...agree a temperature is the way the body fights nasties...so wouldn't jump to bring a slightly raised temp by any means...
Agree I think we over medicate (although in a child prone to seizures I can see why you would - even if it didn't help it stops there being nothing you can do - feeling completely helpless and I don't think it does any harm).
I am not completely anti-medication - I do think it serves a purpose.
But I don't take pain killers unless I really need to - pain serves a purpose. If something hurts it is to tell you something is wrong - stop you doing something whilst your body heals - or to act in a way to make you do something to relieve the pain - cool a burn for longer or drink some water for a dehydration headache or in the case of teething chew on something to speed the teeth coming through...so for teething - yes to help them get some sleep but not all the time. (I've had terrible toothache that was relieved by clamping down on a clove or bit of cloth waiting for pain killers to kick in)
The tepid baths etc for a fever I'm a bit sceptical of the current 'don't ever do it' school of thought...I've had a really high temperature twice as an adult. Using a damp tepid flannel to pat my forehead and back of my neck was bliss...I can't believe that actually did any harm...
(And that was when the medication had worn off ...so getting more and waiting for it to work -I'm not a martyr)

ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 17:58

Teething doesn't always cause pain. I didn't feel any pain when my wisdom teeth came through, and my DC showed no signs of feeling any pain or discomfort as their teeth came through either.

I'd guess how painful it is (if at all) can vary a lot between individuals.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 23/08/2015 18:05

I can understand why you think your sisters approach to nursing her child through illness is concerning when it is so different to yours.

I have a child who incredibly sensitive to additives, sugar, chemicals and medicine. Where possible, we have to avoid medication unless absolutely necessary (which we do occasionally have to use). When he does have medication, he can take weeks to recover.

Not all approaches work for every child. I am sure your SIL doesn't quote the risks of giving paracetamol to your child every time you do something she doesn't see as best for her child.

Point her in the direction of the Arnica group on Facebook if she ever needs some support.

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 18:08

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ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 18:18

I suppose the worst case scenario is that if you overdose with paracetamol (active ingredient in Calpol), you can cause liver failure.

But I would guess you'd have to be giving a child with normal liver function a fair bit more than the maximum recommended dosage on the Capol bottle for that to happen.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/08/2015 18:51

I would say so shadow. As I understand it the dosage on Calpol is quite conservative.

The other concern, zzzzz, probably has something to do with some rubbish the media printed about use of calpol in infants causing asthma. The authors of that study were very clear in their press release that this wasn't what the study showed but given the shocking state of science/medical journalism in this country that got glossed over a bit. I guess it wouldn't have made for such an exciting headline.