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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/08/2015 18:53

You do all know that febrile convulsions are harmless, don't you? Bloody terrifying, obviously, but harmless.

PatrickPolarBear · 23/08/2015 18:57

Not giving Calpol is not an issue as he will burn off the fever one way or the other. If it got serious though e.g. where he is floppy and unresponsive would she take him to a doctor? If she doesn't vaccinate then who knows what loony ideas she has about avoiding doctors and hospitals. The non-vaccinating of her child is far more concerning than refusing to give pain relief.

mummytowillow · 23/08/2015 19:00

That's really sad, my 7 year old recently broke her tibia.

She was in agony, shaking, white and was in so much pain she literally couldn't speak.

A&E gave her calpol, nurofen and diamorphine. Who am I to refuse her pain relief when I'm not the one in pain.

I understand having beliefs etc but watching a child in pain is cruel if medication can help.

FindoGask · 23/08/2015 19:07

It's a cultural thing as well I think. One of my friends is Polish and she finds it pretty appalling how much we rely on paracetamol in this country for even minor niggles.

Taylor22 · 23/08/2015 19:09

I couldn't sit there and watch a women continuously endanger her child like that!
Have you called her out on her being a twat?

TheFallenMadonna · 23/08/2015 19:10

I know that now BetrandR. I know far more about febrile seizures than I did before I opened the thread! And teething too.

TheFallenMadonna · 23/08/2015 19:11

The child in the OPdid not have a broken tibia.

NobodyLivesHere · 23/08/2015 19:13

Patrick do behave, choosing not vaccinate doesn't make her a 'loony' or mean that she wouldn't take her child to a doctor if it was sick, for goodness sake. there are doctors out there who choose to not vaccinate, you know.
mummytowillow a fractured leg isnt even in the same ballpark as a fever. i hope your dd is ok now.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 19:20

Zzzzzz, studies have shown that paracetamol doesn't prevent febrile convulsions and the NICE guidelines state that you shouldn't use it for that purpose. I quoted from them up thread. Some doctors do still seem to suggest Calpol for a fever regardless but more and more seem to be sticking to the guidelines and suggesting that (unless it is causing pain/discomfort) it is just allowed to run its course, to encourage them to rest and give plenty of fluids.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/08/2015 19:24

But it doesn't sound like the child in the OP does have 'just a fever'. It sounds like he could be given paracetamol suspension under the current guidelines. And the SIL didn't say he didn't need it for just a fever, she seems to be suggesting she wouldn't give it full stop. Which is very different.

ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 19:31

Thread about this thread here!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2454692-TAAT-but-hopefully-helpful-so-okay

OP of the new thread sounds a bit confused about Calpol and fever now.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 19:34

'could be' but doesnt 'have to be' given pain relief

nowhere near a broken tibia for instance

i dont see why it is so controversial to avoid giving pain meds for minor childhood ailments.

this year we discovered paracetamol in pregnancy can affect the development of male fetuses. i can understand someone not wanting to give calpol if their child has never been ill enough to have it prescribed eg in hospital admission. entirely their choice.

Girlfriend36 · 23/08/2015 19:36

I think in the ops scenario not giving calpol is appalling tbh, the poor baby Sad in fact I think it is borderline abusive and neglectful not to give a child medicine if they clearly need it.

I can not understand any mentality that would cause your child unnecessary suffering, it is a completely alien concept to me.

My own dd has recently been diagnosed with some sensory processing issues and one of the issues she has is with coping with pain. The thought of not giving her pain relief when she has needed it makes me feel sick.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 19:55

teething without calpol is hardly borderline neglect/abuse Confused

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 19:59

I just find it odd.

All this talk of prolonging the whatever I am sure is true of some circs, however I find as soon as I dose calpol a child sat unwell on the sofa is within half hour running round again.

why wouldnt you want that?

I have a headache now I catch it straight away with paracetomol, if it doesnt shift, ibropfufen and that usually sorts me out.

I used to wait and see and it would develop into migranes and all sorts.

teething without calpol is hardly borderline neglect/abuse

possibly but the baby sounded quite unwell,

As said - no illness except a nasty viscous bout of CP rendered my DC floppy and grizzling like that.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 20:09

'why wouldnt you want that?'

maybe they need to rest if they are ill not start running round? and the fever helps them get better?

i just dont see what difference it makes wrt self limiting minor illnesses and teething. i do give mine calpol eg at night to help them sleep but i only take pain killers myself in pretty bad pain eg i took some when i had pleurisy. ironically i was prescribed ones that stopped me coughing and so i got pneumonia Hmm but i digress . . .

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/08/2015 20:13

www.nhs.uk/news/2015/05May/Pages/Is-paracetamol-use-in-pregnancy-harmful-for-male-babies.aspx

It's not quite as simple as saying paracetamol can affect testosterone in male foetuses.

I suspect it's controversial because both sides of the other side as making a judgement about the other side's parenting choices.

'could be' but doesn't 'have to be' given pain relief

That's why I said could be not should be or had to be. But I do think there's a big difference between 'I don't think he needs it at the moment' and 'I don't give paracetamol' even if a child has never been unwell enough to need to be prescribed it.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 20:17

I was about to say the same san - I'd let them rest and give plenty of fluids rather than have them bouncing around because Calpol has brought the fever down (but not got rid of the underlying illness.)

I think we often try to interfere with the body's natural processes as if we know better and quite often we later find out that we're doing the wrong thing.

A bit off topic but did anyone see the recent article about no longer recommending ice to reduce inflammation after an injury?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/08/2015 20:18

I suspect it's controversial because both sides of the other side as making a judgement about the other side's parenting choices.

I suspect it's controversial because both sides of the argument see the other side as making a judgement about their parenting choices.

Honestly, English is my first language. Grin

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 20:48

hard to force a toddler to rest. if toddler ill and quiet toddler sits, if toddler better toddler runs round usually calpol will blow away their issue and they are fine again, and within half an hour.

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 20:51

As for judging parenting choices, yes - I do judge someone who chooses to prolong and not ease their childs pain.

I would also judge someone who throws calpol down the neck willy nilly.

why would I want to spend all day with a headache and not have a couple of paracetomol to clear it away?

who wants and likes pain?

I would be furious if my DM had said " darling we could have given you pain killers a child but DH your DF didn't want too he didn't believe in them" I would be furious"

IThinkIveBeenHAD · 23/08/2015 20:53

nowhere near a broken tibia for instance

I think we all know now, those of us who have gone through CB, spoken to others about it and seen threads on here, we all respond to pain in different ways.

No one can really judge how another feels having a baby because - we are not that woman.

I am highly sensitive when it comes to pain, I had wisdom tooth issues a while ago I was very ill with it. You may have same issue but not be as ill.

The baby is showing his mum he is suffering.

Girlfriend36 · 23/08/2015 21:30

In this instance it sounds very much like the mum was minimising the childs illness by claiming it was teething when actually it sounds like the child was very unwell (limp, can't' - won't lift his head, constant moaning) and tbh probably should see a Dr. I suspect this mother would wait until her child was seriously unwell before seeking medical attention. It is neglect imo.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 21:33

its overly dramatic and a trivialisation of real neglect to call what has beem described so far 'neglect'
how silly

zzzzz · 23/08/2015 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.