AIBU to ttc at 22?

[queenoftheworld93]

Apologies for any posting errors, first time poster.

DP (22) and I (also 22) are childhood sweethearts and have been together for almost 10 years. We are getting married next December and are living in a 2 bedroom house 5 minutes from both sets of parents. We have been living together for 3, maybe almost 4, years.

I'm the same month we marry (Dec 2016) DP will qualify in his role as a paramedic. I already have my degree and work as a teaching assistant. We have little money but we are very happy and do not struggle as DP also does very well paid work on a part time (though seasonal) basis.

We had originally planned to ttc shortly before the wedding but are very strongly considering ttc in the next few months... my worry is that people will think WABU, as in laws etc have stated that we should be both working full time before babies. If we ttc now DP would not be working until baby was a few months old and I would be giving up work temporarily. What to do? Don't feel I can discuss this IRL as this is a sensitive issue but would like opinions :)

Travelling is grand if thats what you want to do but posters are telling a grown woman not to rush go on holiday' travel like she doesn't know her own mind

thank you crazyqueen

it's never too late for you though. I work with a forty five year old F1 (newly qualified).

good luck with your future career

They are kids for a short time though you can do all those things again I know living it can be dreary sometimes but you can have a life again

I suppose you don't miss what you haven't experienced.

I certainly don't miss going out in the evenings through the week. I couldn't have done that, nor extensively travelled due to my five years at uni plus the often seventy hour weeks I now find myself working in a hospital.

I suppose I should have waited to become a medic too.........

you know so that I could have a life first

Travelling sounds indulgent to me most people i know study then get a job i dont know anybody who did gap years none of my dds friends have gone travelling or did gap years 1 did camp america hated it and came home.

Tbf none of them have babies but do just have jobs still studying are in ltr living together i think my ramblings mean everybody is different

Age is irrelevant really, I was just turned 23, DH was 23.5 when we started TTC but we were both working FT in our second FT jobs since we left education.

I don't think travel is just about gap years, though is it? I miss backpacking, and going to exotic and interesting (and not necessarily tourist-friendly) places. I miss being able to jump on a bus or train and head somewhere interesting once we got to our holiday, or just both lie by the pool and snooze. These days our holidays are a week in a gite in a French holiday resort and at least one of us is doing childcare just the same as at home, all the time. It's not quite the same.

Yes, I guess you have a certain number of years for each child (10? 12? 14?) where you can't really do those sorts of things much. It doesn't really matter whether you have those years in your twenties, thirties or forties. Except that you probably have more energy and interest in some of those things when you're younger. I suppose the same could be said of childrearing though - it certainly requires energy!

I was 17 weeks pregnant when we got married and for me it added to the excitement of the whole thing. I felt brilliant too. I don't feel that we've missed that couple time as we'll have that when the children have grown up. I would just have been looking forward to having children and not savouring it anyway. People are different and it's different strokes for different folks.

all i can say is what i have personally experienced. I had my first child at 21 (dp was slightly older at 28) it wasnt planned but we were very pleased and loved it. we then had 2 more children in the next couple of years. when my youngest was 18 months old circumstances stopped me having anymore children. had i waited until we were 'established' id not have had any children and possibly even have been dead before i was 30. i sometimes think life is too short to wait for things to be perfect.

Well I was busy all day yesterday so I was surprised to see all these comments when I logged in!

We have decided to wait until the wedding for a few reasons. Some of the comments on here are irrelevant - I've never ever wanted to travel and neither has DP. I consider it a waste of money though I may feel differently in 10+ years.

Other comments felt scarily accurate, especially about feeling lost about my career. I'd very much like to discuss that with someone at my old uni?? (no idea who) in the near future.

I don't think I'm any more mature than any other 22 year old yes I can cook and have a degree etc but that describes most people my age! I am just lucky that I met my DP so young.

Why is the wedding so far away? Can you not put it forward a year and start ttc sooner? A lot of reasons people give for delaying are silly. You don't just have to be 20 to go travelling and backpacking. You can do it at 50 too. You'd probably be better off as well so be more hotels instead of hostels.

Hi OP you're similar to me and my OH in lots of ways. We too are "childhood sweethearts", have been together since a very young age, and are getting married next year. I'm also the same age as you, although my OH is 24 this month.

Although we both work full time in very good careers, and so could easily afford to TTC now, we've decided to wait until after we're married. This is mainly due to us thinking if TTC doesn't go smoothly (which, of course, is always a possibility) then we wouldn't want the potential stress/upset of that on top of wedding preparations. Also, I don't think I'd deal well with being either heavily pregnant, or just post-birth on my wedding day! I'll be giving up work (at least for a few years) when we do start our family to be a SAHM, so I also think I'd like to enjoy this time in my career.

As PPs have said, you (and I too) have got lots of time ahead of you for a family, and you'll probably find this next year or so until your wedding will go at lightening speed anyway! Hope all goes well for you both OP, whatever you end up deciding . Maybe we can be on the 2017 antenatal threads together!

Crazy - just wanted to say my OH is an F2 junior doctor and he works alongside two more mature colleagues who are at the same grade as him. One is a 47yo mother of two teenagers, and one is a 43yo man (albeit single with no DC). So please don't think it's too late for you to follow your dream job!

The wedding is booked and partially paid for. It was booked so that I could finish my PGCE and NQT year, then get married in the Christmas holidays. That's unfortunately no longer relevant but the wedding has been booked so the date cannot be moved.

I just wanted to say that a lot of people will look at your age and disregard the rest of your situation. Not all twenty somethings want to travel the world, drink themselves into oblivion etc. I can't help wondering what people's reactions might have been if you'd said you were 32. Dh and I are both 25. We got together at 15, married at 22 and had our first baby at 24. Baby 2 is due in Nov and although we've had plenty of people telling us to "go and live" first, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Its worth mentioning that if you had kids now, by the time they reach 20 you and dh will still only be in early 40s so could do all the traveling, partying etc then!

Also, I know a lot of people who had babies young and now they're in school are starting their careers. They chose this over starting a career and having to choose the right time to take time out to have babies.

There's no right way to do it, is the truth. We didn't plan our first DC, or the third for that matter, and yes if I could have chosen things differently I'd have waited and only had two - But I don't think I missed out because I didn't spend my twenties on a plane!

could you not ask the venue to change the date? its fair enough if you don't want to obviously but I am such an impatient person I would find it so hard to wait that long!

We're very happy with the date :)

I understand the benefits of startin Young - my mum just turned 40 and has grown up children. She parties harder than I do and takes long weekends away often! I loved that she had the energy to keep up with us as kids and I was always proud of having a 'cool' young mum when I was really little.

And what is it with festivals? I've been to them with and without kids and with them was far more fun.

I've never been and never want to.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you will be more likely to meet and be involved in the lives of your grandchildren.

3Cheeky your post has just given me an image of someone typing something into a computer and it screaming "SPREADSHEET SAYS NO" and then they have to say ah well, spreadsheet says no, we can't have more kids.