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To allow someone who lived in our house 60+ years ago to come back here to film a documentary?

162 replies

mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 20:38

Story is around a month ago we received a letter addressed to the current owners, it was from a lady who was making a film about her grandad's life and to cut a long story short he had opened up about a terrible time in his life than none of her family knew about.

This terrible time apparently happened in our house so she feels it would be fitting and cathartic for him to come back to the place to put any issues to bed.

Dp's has mixed feelings, what if they are coming to case the joint (believe me if they did they'd leave a donation!) and also they live at least 200 miles away so would seem a bit extreme.

I said yes and have spoken to the lady and vetted her through google/ facebook, all seems genuine, and they are coming week after next, but now i'm wondering what the hell happened in this house and would you want to know, and how it will affect me knowing what has actually happened here, and then on the other hand i'm so bloody nosey I cant not know! what would you do?

OP posts:

EeyoresTail · 22/08/2015 20:42

I would have thought that the house wouldn't be recognisable from 60 years ago. Did she say why she is filming it? I can kind of understand him wanting to come back but to film him doing it?! Seems very strange


Floralnomad · 22/08/2015 20:43

I would have said no .


millionsmom · 22/08/2015 20:43

Sounds like fun to me, I'd do it.
how long have you lived there?
I would fret over anything bad that's happened in the past, it's his story and your house was just the setting if you like.


millionsmom · 22/08/2015 20:44

Sorry that should read wouldn't not would.


Narp · 22/08/2015 20:46

I sthis a film for her won private use, or a film for TV?


Narp · 22/08/2015 20:46

apologies for crap typing. You get the idea!


BetaTest · 22/08/2015 20:48

Are they paying you?

TV/film companies pay very well for using private houses and this woman is making a programme she hopes to sell.

You need to check her out very thoroughly and her production company and get the payment up front and compensation terms for damage, cleaning, etc.

You will not be able to use your house for several days and it could be left a tip.


Perfectlypurple · 22/08/2015 20:48

I would allow it. What happened has obviously affected him his whole life. Maybe him seeing the house as a happy home would help. I very much doubt they will be casing the house.

It would be a lovely thing to do.


nooka · 22/08/2015 20:56

I wonder if he thinks it will be cathartic, or if it might instead open up a whole load of old wounds. I know that I might be inclined to think the former, but my mother (in her late 70s so possibly the same generation as the grandfather) would certainly think the latter, she is very much of a 'let sleeping dogs lie' way of thinking.

I suspect whether or not I said yes would totally depend on how much I liked the woman when I spoke to her, but I would be quite wary and I'd want a very good idea as to what it practice she plans, how long she wants to be in your house, which rooms she might like to use etc. It could be very disruptive.


mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 21:09

Im hoping that by doing it it will allow this poor man to move on.

I've lived here since 82, I then bought it in 2010 myself and dp and we've spent the last 5 years completely gutting it, living in a little caravan outside so I doubt very much he will recognise anything apart from the layout which we haven't changed at all really, all the bedrooms still have the cast iron fireplaces so wondering whether he will recognise them, Ive already told the lady I will show them around, there is only 1 room out of bounds as its not been touched yet and dangerous to go in and the minute, they arrive at 1 and hope to finish by 5.

I've vetted the lady out, she's more actress than director and this film is just for family use at the moment kind of like a legacy for the family, They are paying me in Wine and biscuits (my kind of currency). I really cant wait to find out what's happened, I did a bit of googling and the man in question has 8 brothers and sisters and he is the youngest. He lived here with his dad and stepmum- his mum died when he was 4, before he moved to this house, so reading into it im imagining something to do with the step mum, but probably totally wrong!

OP posts:

grapejuicerocks · 22/08/2015 21:17

I want to know what happened too.


TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 22/08/2015 21:26

I would have said no. Our demons are our own to exorcise, affecting complete strangers lives, and potentially not for the better isn't fair. I say that as someone who's had plenty of demons, and I try my hardest not to allow them to affect anyone else.

It sounds like whatever it was was pretty horrendous, how would exposing you to that knowledge when you've worked so hard (by the sounds of it) to make it a lovely happy home be a reasonable request?!

As for the legacy for the family bit, wtaf?! Traumas can affect families for many generations, why would you want to exacerbate that?

I am very swayed by my experiences though, and definitely not the best judge of what's reasonable in this case.


coffeeisnectar · 22/08/2015 21:30

You have to do it because I need to know too!


Sunsoo · 22/08/2015 21:32

Are they going to be sleeping at the house?


Gruntfuttock · 22/08/2015 21:33

I'd be kind, as you have been, and let them come and film especially as they're paying in wine and biscuits. You've lived there 33 years, so I really don't think it's very likely that what you may discover will make you feel differently about your home, because you're obviously entirely comfortable there.
Whatever happened to this man, I think you will feel able to view it as his story, whereas you and your dp have your own history with the house. As for fears that they are coming to case the joint, surely you don't really give that any credence.


greenfolder · 22/08/2015 21:35

Many years ago, maybe 1993? I went for a day trip with my ddad to Lincoln. We stopped by the house his grandparents lived in the 1940s. One of the few happy places he had as a child. We knocked to ask if it was ok to take a few snaps of the front. The owner invited us in, gave us a tour including the outbuildings that my dad played in. It meant a huge amount to him. It costs nothing to be nice I think.


samsam123 · 22/08/2015 21:46

let them do it


2catsfighting · 22/08/2015 21:55

I wouldn't want to do this. I would be concerned that I would find out something that would affect how I feel about my home. I used to live in a house where I knew something had happened, and I am sure my mood was affected, it was not a happy time.


CuttedUpPear · 22/08/2015 22:03

I think it's fascinating, but as the partner of a film location manager, film production departments are used to paying for their locations - don't be ripped off!

For example an Italian restaurant DP is using is getting £1250 for their troubles. Another house will get £2k.

Tell them where to stick their wine and biscuits.


mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 22:05

No sunsoo* they're not sleeping here, they have booked into a local hotel and he plans on visiting other places around the city too as he hasn't been back here since the 50's I think.

I thought about if it was me and how I would feel if i wanted to go back and see my childhood home, Id be over the moon that someone had said yes.

greenfolder Thats so nice. Thats exactly what I thought, to me its just someone coming round that I get to show off my painting skills to, to him it means so much more.

As someone else said i've lived here that long I think I know all the bumps and squeaks there is to know. There is 1 room in particular that I don't particularly like the atmosphere in, cant explain it, but it was my bedroom as a child for around a week. then my brothers and same with him he didn't like it in there - its the room we still haven't got around to plastering so I am wondering if his story has anything to do with the room.

The filming is mostly as a legacy for her family I think, he lived through the 2nd world war and the film is based on that time, part of that was in this house. Dp is usually inviting everybody back here and I'm normally the weary one. He's off the day they are coming anyway so hopefully once he meets them hell feel fine about it. they will only be filming in 1 room, but I know hell want to look round so tomorrow is mission clean and tidy the house up! I promise to tell you all what it was when they have been.

OP posts:

AliAliAlium · 22/08/2015 22:06

I would absolutely have agreed, if the woman had seemed nice. It's quite exciting!


BIWI · 22/08/2015 22:09

One of my friends has just taken part in this programme! She thoroughly enjoyed it and the crew and presenters were, apparently, really considerate and lovely.


BIWI · 22/08/2015 22:10

Oh, sorry, forgot to answer your main question/concerns - they spent a lot of time talking about how the house was when they lived there, and it was really interesting for my friend.


mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 22:14

BIWI I think I know the programme you mean but it's not that, It really is just a grand daughter filming him chatting away, there is no crew/ presenters. just her, the camera and grand dad.

If it was that show I would be expecting payment but for just a couple of people I'm really not expecting to get paid.

OP posts:

Mintyy · 22/08/2015 22:15

I wouldn't want to participate if my home was the setting of traumatic or disturbing incidents for this poor man. I would feel sorry for him, of course, but I'd sooner not know if, for example, abuse or violence had taken place in my house - however many years ago.

I think sometimes people forget that they can say No to requests from tv folk!

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