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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow someone who lived in our house 60+ years ago to come back here to film a documentary?

162 replies

mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 20:38

Story is around a month ago we received a letter addressed to the current owners, it was from a lady who was making a film about her grandad's life and to cut a long story short he had opened up about a terrible time in his life than none of her family knew about.

This terrible time apparently happened in our house so she feels it would be fitting and cathartic for him to come back to the place to put any issues to bed.

Dp's has mixed feelings, what if they are coming to case the joint (believe me if they did they'd leave a donation!) and also they live at least 200 miles away so would seem a bit extreme.

I said yes and have spoken to the lady and vetted her through google/ facebook, all seems genuine, and they are coming week after next, but now i'm wondering what the hell happened in this house and would you want to know, and how it will affect me knowing what has actually happened here, and then on the other hand i'm so bloody nosey I cant not know! what would you do?

OP posts:
TroubleinDaFamily · 23/08/2015 11:44

I would show them around, but I would not allow filming.

rollonthesummer · 23/08/2015 11:51

I wouldn't be happy about filming. They don't need to film for this purpose; I'd say that I don't feel comfortable with it.

timeou · 23/08/2015 11:54

I probably would, I love finding out about local history and I think you've lived happily in the house for long enough to not let any negative thoughts of what may have happened there affect you.

PantryofWhoGivesAFuck · 23/08/2015 12:07

What security do you have in your house?

Gruntfuttock · 23/08/2015 12:28

southernskies Can you please tell me where it said that the grandfather had lived there for 60 years?

Pipbin · 23/08/2015 12:35

If they are planning to burgle the house then I can only assume you are keeping the crown jewels there if they are prepared to go to such elaborate lengths.

Just think about all the houses that are on Homes Under The Hammer, Locationx3, Home in the Country, Grand Designs, how many of them get burgled?
I don't think that security is a real issue here.

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarlaJones · 23/08/2015 13:01

How would you feel knowing the details of child abuse that had happened in your house? That's what springs to mind.

CarlaJones · 23/08/2015 13:04

Having said that if you could help him come to terms with what happened it would be a kind thing to do

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 23/08/2015 13:17

Id definitely let him visit. Id certainly be interested to hear the stories. I love social history and how things used to be and what life used to be like.

I dont think Id let the filming though.

I can't see why they would need to film it. Will they look at the film again? Will the story of what happened to the old man be passed down through the generations? Ooh look this is where X happened to your great great great grandad. I can't really see it, but we are all different so maybe other people would.

notapizzaeater · 23/08/2015 13:25

Ooh how exciting, I'd not charge them either.

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerityWaves · 23/08/2015 13:57

Yes absolutely but to have it confirmed and filmed is something different altogether.

elementofsurprise · 23/08/2015 13:59

whatsinthename Maybe I am missing something but even if the op's home will be on the internet (doubt it) what difference will it make? No one will know where the home is.

Hmm, I think if I was going to film a house in these circumstances, I'd start off with an opening shot of the street, ideally with the street name in view. Then have a shot going up the front path and the door opening... with either a number on the gate or door.

Once permission to film is given, how hard will it be to dictate the contents of the film?

OverScentedFanjo · 23/08/2015 14:07

I wonder if the OP will be back later to fill us in.

Original poster
mumofsnotbags · 23/08/2015 14:18

Thanks everyone,

Just to clarify yes they are only going to be here for a few hours tops. I plan on showing them around, letting him reminisce and then will seat them in the front room (I will hide the picasso's and faberge eggs in my knicker drawer that day), and they can film him in there, I've already asked what she wanted to film and she suggested this so I dint feel they were being too intrusive filming the whole house, I was more worried about the skirting I haven't got around to painting or the damp patch in the hall! She is a part time actress, has a normal day job in graphic design and is just really doing this as a hobby.

As for the room upstairs, there are actually no floorboards still in parts from when we had a rewire of the place, so that mostly and the amount of junk in there would be dangerous for him to go in, I told her this in the first email and she was fine, so for all I know whatever happened may have been somewhere else and Im just weirded out by this room because it still looks like a tip and I won't get a nice feeling about it till its plastered and decorated.

He apparently lived here for 4 years, I think he may have been around 9/10 when he moved out, and again whatever happened may have had nothing to do with my house at all, maybe someone who lived here with him. We do know a lot of the history of the house from old neighbours, for instance we live in the middle of a row of approx 40 terraced houses. It used to be the end house as during the 2nd world war the road was bombed, it wasn't until the 70's the row of houses was built back up again. We unearthed quite a lot during the house renovations, things even my parents didn't know were here when they owned it. I could tell you tales of things hidden in the loft that made dp a grown man scream in shock but will leave that for another thread Wink. I work from home anyway so its not like i'm loosing money taking a day off work, as far as i'm concerned they'll be in 1 room and myself and dp will be next door working away

They are coming Tuesday so I promise to update as soon as I know anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofsnotbags · 23/08/2015 14:22

overscentedfanjo They weren't due to come today anyway, It was due to be in a week or 2 but she actually confirmed this morning they were coming earlier due to the bank holiday next weekend, I promise I'll be live updating when they are here. I wont be able to hold my own pee!

OP posts:
CarlaJones · 23/08/2015 14:26

Ok you just have to tell us about the things hidden in the attic which would make a grown man scream in shock!

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wafflyversatile · 23/08/2015 15:07

What was in the loft? We demand answers!

incogKNEEto · 23/08/2015 16:23

I think it's a nice thing you are doing, and I can't see the harm if they are only filming in one room. Also, if the granddaughter has said that it is only for family use, wouldn't she needs to ask permission to sell it on to TV or put it onto the Internet? Or is it like photographs where whoever took the pictures owns the copyright?

incogKNEEto · 23/08/2015 16:24

Oh, and I would like to know what was in the loft too Grin

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 23/08/2015 16:30

What was in the loft?!
(I'd let them visit too, btw. An older house is has been "my house" to a lot of people.)

JammyGem · 23/08/2015 16:35

Yeah I'm nosy too and now need to know what was in the loft!

Rainbowlou1 · 23/08/2015 16:37

I have to know what was in the loft!!

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