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AIBU?

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Original poster

To allow someone who lived in our house 60+ years ago to come back here to film a documentary?

162 replies

mumofsnotbags · 22/08/2015 20:38

Story is around a month ago we received a letter addressed to the current owners, it was from a lady who was making a film about her grandad's life and to cut a long story short he had opened up about a terrible time in his life than none of her family knew about.

This terrible time apparently happened in our house so she feels it would be fitting and cathartic for him to come back to the place to put any issues to bed.

Dp's has mixed feelings, what if they are coming to case the joint (believe me if they did they'd leave a donation!) and also they live at least 200 miles away so would seem a bit extreme.

I said yes and have spoken to the lady and vetted her through google/ facebook, all seems genuine, and they are coming week after next, but now i'm wondering what the hell happened in this house and would you want to know, and how it will affect me knowing what has actually happened here, and then on the other hand i'm so bloody nosey I cant not know! what would you do?

OP posts:
CadleCrap · 23/08/2015 07:24

Definite marking place!

twinkletoedelephant · 23/08/2015 09:30

Dh grandad built houses mil took him on a tour if the houses he built locally and took photos of them. They were challenged a few tines as to what they were doing but more often than not he was invited In to have a look about and fed tea and cake :-)

He had a fantastic day

LillyBugg · 23/08/2015 09:39

This is all very intriguing! I probably would have said yes as well. I live in a really old house and I'm sure all sorts has gone on here. It doesn't bother me even when the cat and my child consistently stare at one particular wall.

OP the out of bounds room, what makes it dangerous? I can't imagine having a room so dangerous it has to be out of bounds! Unless there's no floorboards or something I guess.

Pipbin · 23/08/2015 09:42

If the producer of Who Do You Think You Are had called then I would be after money, but in this situation I don't think so.
And as you've lived in the house so long I can't see it making a difference to the way you view it.

VerityWaves · 23/08/2015 09:56

I wouldn't do this no. I think it's asking a lot personally and they are v lucky you have been so accommodating.
This isn't just about being " nice" it's a big ask for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.
I'm also Hmm about the paying in biscuits and wine. They absolutely should give you some money for your trouble.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/08/2015 10:03

I went back to see my childhood home (flat in house) - can't remember if we saw the exact flat or it was one above - but anyway it was 10 years or so ago but I'd lived there for 2 years as a toddler (from birth) with mum and dad. The neighbour or person who'd bought the flat was still there and was very pleased to see us, invited us in for tea, we just dropped round (mum and I) on the off chance.

I also saw the local park/cafe where I was taken as a young child.

I would certainly say yes, not accept payment and would find it fascinating but a bit spooky that something happened in one room that you now find creepy!

SuperFlyHigh · 23/08/2015 10:10

if it's being shown on TV or a film then ask - my brother directs films but always pays (not much!) or lets people know if it will make money and asks that way…

I think it is a nice thing to do for an old man who obviously has memories he wants to put to bed as it were. You are obviously living there fine now so should have no worries about repercussions.

Bakeoffcake · 23/08/2015 10:13

Firlsty I'd want to know the nature of the horrible things which had happened. I'm afraid if it was abuse of any kind I wouldn't want him being filmed in my home, whilst he brings up all of that.

I would allow him to come and visit, but I'd say no to the filming.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/08/2015 10:17

Bakeoff I was going to say that if it had bad spirits etc then the room which is creepy could always be exorcised afterwards…. but thought I was maybe being overdramatic!

Gymbunny1204 · 23/08/2015 10:24

This has made me every emotional. I went back to a house as a young adult where terrible things had happened to me as a child. I had my reasons for doing it though it didn't work, and I this is a lovely thing you are doing for this man and his family. You could be giving him peace.

Bakeoffcake · 23/08/2015 10:27

Gym I do agree with you, but I don't see the need for it to be filmed. The OP has no idea what will happen to that film or where it will end up.

OP, you need to be very comfortable with the idea that your home could be all over the Internet.

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWatchersCouncil · 23/08/2015 10:37

I would have said no, because I just don't like people in my space. But that's me and I freely admit that I tend to veer towards being an antisocial bugger Grin.

But, if you more socially ept than me and are sure that whatever the worst possible scenario of what could have happened in your house won't freak you out, then go for it. I agree it could be very interesting - these sorts of local history/family tree type things are often fascinating, and not just to the people who are part of the family.

I'd just make sure that you have an agreement, e.g. she is allowed x number of hours over y number of days, with the understanding that she needs to be out by z o'clock every day, just in case it turns into something more expansive and open-ended that you are willing to entertain. Sounds like you have checked her out, but maybe have A Friend make An Unexpected Visit the first day she is at your house, just in case you do feel uncomfortable.

Let us know what happens!

OVienna · 23/08/2015 10:42

I just lost a message!!! Grr
Apologies if it reappears.

Anyway OP having thought about this make sure your house isn't identifiable to an outsider. You don't want to find that you're suddenly living in the Amityville Horror house on account of her film. You sound like a really nice person and I guess I would hate for you to be used by them. It is still kind of you to allow the guy to come in and reflect- it doesn't have to include filming your home. If they get there and it doesn't feel right don't feel bad saying no. If she stamps her feet I would be more inclined to think they're leaving the door open for financial gain.

VerityWaves · 23/08/2015 10:49

Absolutely agree that this could have negative repercussions for the sale and status of your house. Whatever happened doesn't sound too pretty.
People will get wind of this through word of mouth and you have given them free reign to put this documentary out there where it just takes a click to publicise.
You need to be aware of this. If that doesn't bother you fine but please be aware and savvy of the possibilities. You don't want to be cursing yourself years down the line.

BrendaandEddie · 23/08/2015 10:53

Squishy was that the iow guy?

my mum recently drove past her family home that her father had bought from new, and the owners were really interested to ask her questions about the build which I think was in the 1940s when building supplies are in short supply

southernskies · 23/08/2015 10:53

Could you send her an email to check whether the film will appear on TV or the internet?

Say something like 'we are happy for you to come and film for personal reasons, but we do not give permission for the film to be sold or used for commercial purposes without the normal payments made in that situation'.

I've got a suspicious mind!

The grandfather must be pretty old of you have lived there for 30 years and he lived there for 60. Or did I get that wrong? I think it is good thing you are doing OP.

whatsinthename · 23/08/2015 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 23/08/2015 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Higheredserf · 23/08/2015 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OVienna · 23/08/2015 11:26

Whats
The fact that this is a professional filmmaker changes things for me. I think it's better to be guarded, not necessarily outright suspicious, more alert to potential risks.

BetaTest · 23/08/2015 11:34

The truth is the filmmaker can do whatever they like with the film afterwards. She may well be using it as promotional video for herself. She might sell it to a TV channel and once filmed and without any contract restrictions you have no control.

BetaTest · 23/08/2015 11:37

I was recently interviewed on radio about our house which has a connection to a famous person and it was broadcast. I didn't get paid and they didn't come in our house but a film/TV crew is a different matter.

OldCrowMedicineShow · 23/08/2015 11:41

I am in to minds about this.

On the positive side, we received a visit from the family who used to live in this home almost 50 years ago - as a result, the dd and I have become very close friends.

On the negative side, I have heard of this 'making a documentary of an old house' as a ruse to case the joint and film the contents for perusal and burglary. The couple in question were an elderly couple from Australia (who wished to film). The householder felt suspicious and made enquiries.
I'm not saying that this is the case with your visitors but be cautious.

OldCrowMedicineShow · 23/08/2015 11:42

TWO minds. tsk. Sorry pedants.