In not telling DP about some inheritance?

[HoneyOnToastYum]

I recently received £15 grand as inheritance from my grandparents, and I don't know if AIBU not to tell by DP about it?

Background so not to drip feed: we are not married, been together since 2008, live in DP house that he owns outright (I'm not on the deeds) and we have a 18m DS. We don't really talk about money very much but I kinda get the feeling from DP what is his is his. I know he has some investments and as well as I saw his bank statement accidentally n he has 50k in it!

In comparison I have 5K in savings (other than the 15k), and that's it. I think we are good but in the worse case (should we separate) I know that wouldn't get me n DS very far. I work PT so can't really save very much at the mo. DP also works PT but does earn 3-5K/yr more than me.

DP wants everything to be 50:50, which absolutely is fine by me. We don't have a joint bank account but stuff we buy tends to sort itself out during the week. It's hard to explain but when he knows I have savings he's less generous and expects me to spend at the same rate that he does. Eg recently we bought a new car as both of ours were 3door and I was struggling with DS and the car seat. We replaced my car as it was on the way out anyway. I was happy with a banger but he wanted a newer one that would require less work/be safer. fine we looked at cars approx 5-6K we were going 1/2 so 3K for me. However when we looked at cars we both liked a more expensive car (I know we both liked it) but it was 10k so that was 5k for me. Hence 5k left now.

Oh and before u ask I'm not sure whats happening about the getting married thing, I'm for it but DP is dragging his feet - that's a whole other thread.

So AIBU to keep this money up my sleeve for now? (Tho I don't like lying even though omission)

He wants everything 50:50 but has £50k savings?! How does that work then?

So how reasonable would it be for the OP to, say, buy an investment property as a buy to let using the £15k as a deposit, use the rental income to pay off the mortgage, and then keep the proceeds to herself should there be a profit upon resale?

Perfectly reasonable. They have separate finances & the 15k is her money (just like his 50k is his). Any benefit she gains is hers alone. He is not subsidising her in anyway, apart from providing her a place to live, which he seems perfectly happy to do.

On a sep note, tax rules have changed and BTL where there is a high gearing, is not necessary going to be profitable & may very well result in negative profit once the new rules on offsetting interest kick in fully.

Yes I'd keep qt. Your relationship sounds like its not solid.

I'd keep it quiet, I"m afraid. There are too many threads on here about women who've found themselves with nothing to show after year's of 'partnership'.

And I hope to goodness you know how to log off Mumsnet on your ipad to ensure your P cannot see this thread was instigated by you. (Do also go into Settings>Safari and clear the cache: www.imore.com/how-clear-stored-website-data-ios-7-safari

another option that may work - would he sell the house and if you wanted to get a small mortgage yourself for another house and put the 15K towards it would that be doable?

My mum and stepfather (not married) - my mum owns her house outright, he's not on the deeds, but has paid into the pot e.g. rent. He bought a flat in UK when he was in his 40s (now retired) and when he was in his 50s bought a holiday home in France. I think my mum helped him a bit with this as the mortgage wasn't paid off (only needed a small mortgage) but it is now. so now they both own property in UK and abroad but separately. They've worked it out in wills that it's split between them or between surviving partner and my DB and I anyway to do with houses.

Just re-reading some of your thread - he really doesn't see himself on the same page as you re sharing 50/50.

so he wants you to put a good chunk towards buying a new car for both of you but won't use any of his 50K savings?

he also seems in cloud cuckoo land re child benefit (and whatever other tax credits etc you may or may not get).

do either of you make provision for savings for his child? who pays for house maintenance e.g. external? Him as it's his house or you share because you live there rent free?

If its 50/50 it should all go into one pot and then its 50/50 out of the pot. Do you know what I mean?

If you were legally married, you would BOTH own the house and the savings 50/50. Its really only on that financial basis that his suggestion is acceptable.

Expecting you on a lower income with no savings to CONTRIBUTE 50/50 is completely unfair.

And I suspect as common law wife which you seem to be, you may have more rights than you think.

You don't have that many rights.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

No such thing as a common law wife. OP has no rights at all, her DP only has a financial responsibility towards the child.

Dh is in IT. Maybe he should be a contractor.

She's got £20 bloody grand!!! Before child she lived in his paid for house and had plenty of cash to splash because of this. Like i said before if that arsed she should work full time again and save more. Just because they split bills 50-50 does not make him a bastard regardless of savings. Why the fuck should he have to give her any? Its not like he would kick her out if she was unemployed or unable to work.

Janet, i know the rights of married couples and unmarried couples are radically different. I'm not sure that the law has really caught up with societal changes. Not that I think that people should automatically gain rights on living together. But it's a very extreme difference right now. Marry and half of your spouses assets are now yours. Don't get married and have no rights at all.

Once two people decide to have a child together they aren't just live in lovers, the OP's mistake (and this is true for many people I think) is not to talk to her DP before getting pregnant about how they are going to support each other and their baby going forward.

ijustwannadance her child is 18 months old remember - presumably they both work part time to cover childcare. if she went back to work full time either her DP would have to cover childcare or she'd have to pay extra for this herself.

She did raise a valid point about maternity leave.

There are various things she could do with her money to add value to his house if they wanted - an extension or loft extension - all stuff my stepdad has done or suggested or paid for - e.g. double glazing.

She doesn't seem to be on an equal footing as she can't work enough to save money and 5K from her savings went towards a car he wanted more. Basically they're on different pages re money so they either talk about it or she thinks more about it longterm. She doesn't sound secure for her future.

And I hope to goodness you know how to log off Mumsnet on your ipad to ensure your P cannot see this thread was instigated by you. (Do also go into Settings>Safari and clear the cache:

What hysterical OTT nonsense. The DP is not some arsehole who is beating the crap out of her or emotionally abusing her.

And then we're back to him taking advantage of her womb:

do either of you make provision for savings for his child?

THEIR child. A joint decision was made to have a child and both are equally contributing to raising him/her.

Sad to see so many women regard their own gender as lesser incapable beings in need of being 'looked after'.

The attitude is not just patronising but also comes across as being grasping greedy leeches.

I can see no justification for any 50:50 split of assets in this case & IMO the matrimonial laws too are hopelessly out of date.

They relate to a time when people married young and built up their wealth jointly while together. In those circumstances a 50:50 split is entirely fair, but in this day and age when people marry late and for perhaps the second or third time, why should the other party have any claim on what was built up without their assistance ?

To answer your op, I'd be as open about your money as he is about his. You only discovered what he had in his account by mistake, he didn't tell you. You know he has some investments, but do you know what, how much, etc? No. So, until you are both sitting down telling each other everything, then why would you?

Good point, Jux.

And apologies on not knowing that common law is meaningless. I'm in the USA for now, where basically palimony has been around almost as long as alimony and the circumstances are different.

The thing that still bugs me is on ML all I had was stat Pay and yet had to pay 1/2 bills even in the last 3 months when I wasn't being paid anything.

What a tight bastard. I can't believe you go 50/50 when he earns more. This doesn't sit well with me. Be very wary. Is your name on car? Keep the £15k quiet and put in savings as you may need it sooner than you think

Two wrongs don't make a right jux - surely someone has to start a sensible conversation about finances, and why not the OP as the opportunity has arisen?

So, you're living rent free in the house that he paid off entirely, you both work the same hours, you do less around the house, you both have savings and you collect the child benefit? And yet, you want to keep this money 'secret' from him?

The sounds like financial abuse on your part, OP. If the tables were turned it's exactly what other MNers would be screaming, too. You both sound a little odd about money, to be honest. Why not sit down and have a sensible conversation?

Oh, and if you were to split, why do you assume you'd get custody? You both work part time and put in equal hours for care, and the house is his! I'd say he'd have a better claim, to be honest.

Did she say they worked the same hours? They both do part time but obviously there are a range of possible working patterns covered by 'part time'.

In fact, it occurs to me that a man posting this would be called a cocklodger and the woman would be advised to make sure his name is not on the deeds, that her savings remain hers and, probably, that she should ltb.

Sometimes, I wonder if there is ever any self-awareness at all in evidence on MN.

babycham

Based on the information the op has given calling her financially abusive is nonsence.

They both have independent finances and pay bills 50:50 it appears they share all other family responsibilities 50:50 or as close as possible and they both have or will have their own savings. They also do not appear to have much info other than things found out by chance about each other's finances.

That is not financially abusive on either side.

Many couples who are not married but cohabiting where one owns a house will have an arangement where the none home owner pays nothing towards the mortgage or anything like rent, household bills excluding those costs get split but not for the actual bricks.
Correctly perceived or not this is down to the perception that doing so muddies the waters over whose brought what if something does go wrong.

I think YABU.
Your DP paid £5k (matching your contribution) and gave the car to you. If you didn't want to pay that much for a car, then you should have said so at the time.
You said that you "kinda thought" he'd realise that you weren't getting paid as you had previously discussed that you wouldn't be paid anything for the last 3 months of maternity. So, basically, you were expecting him to remember a conversation you had had 9-18 months earlier (as you tried to conceive, up to going on maternity leave) and you didn't feel that you should mention this again??
It doesn't sound like your DP is controlling / abusive or in the wrong at all, he just thinks he's in a relationship with an adult who can discuss things reasonably with him.