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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ashamed of what poverty has reduced me to?

276 replies

iAmSiri · 17/08/2015 17:24

Today I took a big wad of loo roll from a public toilet because I didn't have the money to buy some. Blush

I struggle every week to make ends meet and today, although I fortunately had money to feed dc, it just wouldn't stretch to include toilet paper.

OP posts:
misscarlar · 17/08/2015 20:31

Are you claiming everything your entitled to?

TheyGotTheMustardOut · 17/08/2015 20:33

I completely understand, OP, a week and a half ago I took loo roll from my local library because I knew we'd run out before any money came in. I also ended up down to my last diaper because I miscalculated how many I had left, I thought I had a whole pack left but didn't.

I always pay all our necessities first, make sure I have all the food my boys will need but that leaves very little wiggle room.

It's frustrating, demeaning at times, but I do what I need to for my boys.

I've been too proud to ask for a referral to the food bank, it feels like failure to me. I guess I need to get over that.

I lost my job last year, I've left an abusive marriage, and I am working on my mental health.

I am waiting to hear about a job which is about 1/2 the salary I normally get but it will allow me to work around my boys' schedules. I'll still have to claim benefits but at least I'll be working.

I am writing this to let you know I understand.

Thanks for doing the best you can for you and your family.

noeffingidea · 17/08/2015 20:34

OP, you should feel proud, not ashamed. Proud that you have food for your children and money on your key on such a small amount and no debts.You are already doing very well. There are millions of people who can't manage their money as well as you. Hold your head up, and ignore the negative people on the thread.

windchime · 17/08/2015 20:35

Don't feel ashamed. I know nurses who eat leftover food from the patients' meal trolleys because they can't afford food.

noeffingidea · 17/08/2015 20:36

theygotthemustard you should feel proud too.
Things will get better for both of you.

missnevermind · 17/08/2015 20:42

Have a look out for schemes that will feed the kids in the holidays. They are called different things in different areas.
Ours is only 2 days a week but the kids get cereal and a drink for breakfast then morning of activities. And lunch. This is usually a healthy buffet with lots of sandwiches and plenty of fruit. The Mums get a chance to have something once all the children have eaten.

slithytove · 17/08/2015 20:46

Siri, I am in the north west, can you pm me where so I can help?

I've been helped before, please let me pass it on and you can do the same one day.

How old are your kids?

wheresthelight · 17/08/2015 20:46

if you are derbyshire based i will happily buy you some loo roll and wash powder iamsiri!

charlieandlola · 17/08/2015 20:46

Hi OP please Check www.entitledto.co.uk to make sure you are getting all you can .
Thanks to the grace of God I've not had to worry about money at all in my life. I'd be happy to pay this good luck forward. Will pm you .

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/08/2015 20:53

This thread has made me quite teary. OP you are doing your best for yourself and your child. Don't ever let anyone make you feel differently. You are going through a tough time but I believe in karma and you seem a lovely, kind person. Things will get better.

Bonkers You're a fucking dick. Lived the good life since birth and lacking the empathy to understand the real struggles that good people can go through. I almost feel more sorry for you than the OP. She is at least kind hearted.

lavent · 17/08/2015 20:53

Please don't feel ashamed OP.

It's so sad that so many of us on this thread can sympathise with you.

I'm missing the free school lunches too - my kids eat SO much it's unbelievable and I can't keep up! 3 weeks to go and counting!

I've recently started using Soap Nuts instead of washing powder as I couldn't afford it. It's a £10 outlay which you might not be able to do immediately (I couldn't either) but it's already saved me money.

I hope brighter days are ahead Flowers

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/08/2015 20:58

Also, I know you don't want to take from mumsnetters OP but I really don't mind sending clothing etc to you that my son and I are getting rid of. They are literally bagged up for the clothing bank, so if they would in anyway help you free up money for the daily essentials then I am more than happy to send them on. A range of sizes and ages etc. Save you having to buy anything clothing for a while. We all know what kids are like at destroying their clothes!

Babyroobs · 17/08/2015 21:01

I dread to think how much worse things will be after tax credits are slashed next year. if people are struggling to feed their kids in the school holidays now. it will only get worse. very worrying.

ssd · 17/08/2015 21:02

absolutely Paul

money cant buy kindness, empathy, decency, and this thread has shown that.

ssd · 17/08/2015 21:04

I'm dreading the tax credits cuts to come., we will lose £70 a week, I'm applying for another (3rd) job, but trying to get hours that fit around the other 2 is almost impossible.

But I'll get something, I have to.

horseygeorgie · 17/08/2015 21:09

Lots of us have done things like that hon! Chin up, you have taken care of the vital stuff and the rest will sort itself out. I'm in Lincs, if you are anywhere near and need a chat or a hand with anything then please do shout. I found one of the things i struggled with when desperate was stupid things like tampons and shampoo etc.

clicketyclick66 · 17/08/2015 21:10

This thread has made me cry, along with the thread about the husband who persuaded his wife to go to a&e. Mumsnetters are wonderful and marvellous online companions who people in the depths of despair can really turn to.

OP, my heart goes out to you - I hope things get better for you soon!

Peppasmate · 17/08/2015 21:10

Threads like this will be common place once the Tax credit cuts & new lower benefit cap is introduced.

Women will be forced to stay in abusive relationships. Children will suffer. It's wring on so many levels.

Take care op & take the offers of help.

iwantcontrolofcarmusic · 17/08/2015 21:10

I think this thread has resonated with many people.

We're thankfully in a better place now, and hopefully you will be too soon IamSiri. Please accept help, there really is no shame in it, most of the posters who are offering help are people who have been in similar positions and have been helped by the kindness of others, and are now repaying that favour with others.

MNHQ - maybe we could have a place where people who have services, or items to offer could be paired up with people who really need them locally?

For example I have several bags full of clothes, toys and other items that DD has outgrown. I'd be very happy to give them to anyone who might need them.

BeaufortBelle · 17/08/2015 21:22

I could put a package together of bog roll, persil, shwr gel, bin liners, anti-perspirant, haribos for the dc and wine voucher for you if you send me your address. Or we cd save the postage and I could just send you a supermarket gift card. Or, wd mn be able to send it to you if I sent it to them to forward if you don't want to disclose to me.

PontyGirl · 17/08/2015 21:24

amazing post by forty

Szeli · 17/08/2015 21:24

Urgh to those whinging about broadband. Direct Save £1.95 a month - less than loo roll for 20mb unlimited downloads

Goldiesox · 17/08/2015 21:28

Ashamed? No, you should be proud! You are doing what you feel is necessary.

Re the phone and Internet comments: My house is full of nice things, a flat screen TV, a new cooker, Dyson vac, nice sofas, iPad, laptop, iPhone. People coming into my house might think I was doing well but I wasn't. Everything decent I have was given to me by my family when they upgraded and would have been sold for food money (some stuff was) if they hadn't have helped me out there as well. I can't tell you how many times I've bought lidls version of super noodles with coppers. The times I sat freezing by candlelight so grateful that they couldn't turn the water off. Thankfully things changed for me and my situation is now very different. I'm far from wealthy but I'm comfortable and that's all I wanted. Things will get better but until they do please accept help from people. If I can help in anyway please DM me. I'm in Yorkshire.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/08/2015 21:38

missnevermind would you mind linking to an example of those schemes? So I know what kind of thing to look for?

I know for the OP it isn't the most pressing need right now, but it may help a lot of other people (ahem, and me)...

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