To be ashamed of what poverty has reduced me to?

[iAmSiri]

Today I took a big wad of loo roll from a public toilet because I didn't have the money to buy some.

I struggle every week to make ends meet and today, although I fortunately had money to feed dc, it just wouldn't stretch to include toilet paper.

[hellomoon]

I know that this is a zombie thread, but I was searching for something and this came up.

Almost two years later I would love to know how the OP is - so if you read this OP, I hope that your luck changed, that you found work and are feeling happier in your situation. It was very humbling to read your thread and I really hope life has been kinder to you.

[Lurkedforever1]

Not rtft but if you haven't already speak to dcs school. In theory they should be getting the funding that can help with uniform and school shoes, if your dcs funding isn't already being used solely for them in other support, but not all schools volunteer that info.
You also should not be ashamed, I've been on my arse before now, and shit as it is, you should be proud that you are clearly strong enough to get through it.

[Babyroobs]

Don't rule out ready meals - at my local tesco Express I can often pick them up for as little as 20p when they massively reduce stuff around 6.30 , along with loaves of bread for 11p. I don't mind eating ready meals at that price, they may not be nutritionally great, but if they feed your family when you're skint who cares.

[RoboticSealpup]

OP, in no way do I wish to diminish your experience, but I just want to say that it's really good that you have no debts and you should be proud of that! Trust me, there will be people walking past you who you think are doing better than you, who have loans, credit cards and mortgage arrears. You are actually less poor than they are, in a sense.

Of course this may be a small comfort when you need essentials for your family and I agree with others about using food banks. They are for regular people who have lost their jobs or fallen on hard times.

When you look back on this in the future you will think "those were some hard times, but I did everything I could and I pulled through". And you will feel pride, not shame.

[OnlyLovers]

I'm a bit late to this, but OP, if you're still here, please don't feel ashamed. I'm lucky enough to be able to give to food banks and I give loo roll, shower gel etc as they always say that's what people need and what donors don't tend to think of giving.

I wouldn't dream of worrying if my donations were going to people who were 'more' or 'less' deserving, or that they were only going to those in the 'worst' situations – who can judge that, after all?

You'll pay it forward when your situation improves, I'm sure.

[Mrsjayy]

If your power is metered then people might not have enough gas to have pots of soup or whatever bubbiling away

[Mrsjayy]

Please dont be condescending about bags for life and ready meals there is not many farm shops at the edge of big cities either even towns not everybody can drag a hefty bag of potatoes a couple of kids and maybe a buggy home on the bus

[BustyStClaire]

Do not be ashamed or embarassed. I have been there-still am some weeks. Food banks have enverything you need, toiletries, household stuff, nappies, and they are there to help. I volunteered at ours for 2 year whilst unemployed and would be given out of date food to take home. I was also a customer there on two occasions. No judgements, just there to help. You can be referred from CAB, schools, ours never turned anyone away, even if no referral.

[Mrsbird311]

Masueuk what a ridiculous thing to say, how can people look obviously hard up, I shop in lidl and half the time I look like a state, hair scraped back , no make up, old scabby clothes as I am usually doing some craft project or on the way to the tip, I have no cash worries, my sister always looks like she's going to ascot , she is complete skint, so judging people on their appearance is nuts!!
Also if the poor op is reduced to taking loo paper I'm pretty sure she hast got the funds to buy half a shed load of rice to last the next five years,
Op should take all the help she is offered
Visit the food bank
Being poor is nothing to be ashamed of I've been there, things do get better

[noeffingidea]

mase carrier bags are still free in England.
I do agree with some of your points though. Things like cooking soup and budgeting to the penny used to be lifeskills that were handed down in families (usually by the women). Unfortunately some people (not all) haven't been taught this knowledge. Hopefully ,various blogs and sites such as moneysaving can help to fill that gap.
ln any case,I don't think the OP comes into this group. She seems to be managing reasonably well but had a low point when she made her OP, which happens to all of us.

[murphys]

Maybe those people who buy bags in the queue in front of you can afford to. Or they forgot theirs at home, or have used old ones for years and today decided to get new ones.... You cant just know everyone's situation as people don't have a sticker stuck of their forehead saying they are facing hard times.

I most definitely cannot get any potatoes from a farm shop, I am pleased that you can and it has helped you, but what is an option for you, is not available for everyone.

But its not just about buying food. Heating, clothes/shoes for the dc, bills etc.

I am sorry that I am not in a position to help anyone on this thread, I don't live in UK - but poverty is all around us. And most of the times, it is through no fault of the persons affected. As OP has said, she had to change her situation from what is was - 5 years ago she didn't think that this is how it would be now.

And bonkers.... very rarely do words fail me. But they have at your comment.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Morrisons do 12.5kg bags of spuds for £2ish but it's getting them home.

Once you factor in bus fares online grocery delivery with a £1 slot would work out cheaper and you could always buy smartprice stuff.

[ssd]

maseuk, we have no local farm shops on any friggin bus routes, just because you have one doesn't mean the whole of Britain does FGS!!

as for the poor people buying bags, jesus wept, what an inane comment.

its bad enough being skint and always worrying about money without coming on here and reading shit stuff like that.

[masueuk]

Don't agree with everything bonkers said, but have you noticed in Aldi or Lidl, so many people who clearly dont have much money get to the till with no bags, so they buy bags. It amazes me. I have bags for life which are probably at least 15 years old. I mend them when the stitching goes :)

Also see people buying loads of crappy ready meals which give very little nutrition. You can buy a 25 Kg bag of potatoes at local farm shop for £3, its on a bus route just the same as Aldi and Lidl. Share between a few households and you have a good quality staple for pennies. We never buy ready meals (dont have a microwave) but cook simple meals from fresh or dried foods. Not saying it is easy, but it can be done. Go to Asian shops and buy a huge bag of rice between a few households... rice for months.

I make two huge pots of soup about once a month, freeze it in old yoghurt pots, get it out the night before... lovely soup for lunch or later.

Like most problems, poverty is best attacked with creativity. I'm lucky, I happen to love potatoes, just as well as most of the winter it was the only thing I could afford to eat.

[SanityClause]

Is youareallbonkers this woman?

[Greenlandrover]

Been there with the loo roll theft myself, OP

Lone parent with two children. I was just bad at budgeting. I wasn't working then and my child benefits (Child Tax Credit, Child Benefit, aincme Support) came to around £900 a month for two kids under 5 plus my housing benefit paid my rent, no financial assistamce from asbent father, I had no debts really apart from an overdraft and old utility arrears paying off in minuscule amounts weekly, no satellite tele, cheap Internet, no smoking or socialising or extrvagances, but I'd still be Nil Funds at the hole in the wall most of the time.

Have you revisited your budgeting ability? It's often the solution.

[masueuk]

IamSiri. Hard one to answer. Shame comes from so many sources outside of us. How we grew up, people we have known and still know. But, as you asked the question, Yes, I think it is unreasonable to be ashamed. Unreasonable but totally understandable. Been there myself many times. In a previous part of my life I had a great career, really well paid, then mental illness caused me to have to change to my current life, where our normal situation is hunting down the back of sofas and pockets for any change we might have missed. Telling friends we have something else on when they ask us if we want to come round for a meal because we dont have anything to wear that isnt awful and couldnt take anything as a "gift" for the host.

I first felt that shame as a child, when my parents took my sister and I to a school exchange for coats for the winter. The coats were way too big, sleeves below finger tips. Our father saying "its good enough for the likes of you" Shame is such a bastard, but ask yourself this. If someone else had asked the question, what advice would you give them? Go to a foodbank probably. So if our advice is good enough for others, why isnt it good enough for ourselves ? (I am the world's best at ignoring advice but give it out in lorry loads) It is a hellish situation to be in, it feels like it will never end but it can. (no magic solution but life does change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse) Currently we are slightly less in shitsville, but it would take a very small change for us to be right back in it.

Poverty can be like depression, you convince yourself it will be easier to cope with if no one knows about it. Having had (and still have) both, it really isnt easier, in fact it perpetuates the pressure on you. I know its hard, but give yourself permission to get some help, that doesnt make you weak, useless, shameful or any other description you hear in your head. It is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation and you will get support, if you ask for it.

Wishing you all the best, apologies to anyone who fell asleep part way through.

[silverglitterpisser]

I think OP will b just fine. She is made of strong stuff n will weather this. N if she needs a leg up, I think she knows there are many people who would gladly give it as evidenced by all the lovely posts on here . Best of British, OP xx

[Ohbollocksandballs]

OP, I'm in a very similar situation. Don't be ashamed. You're doing the best you can and it won't be like this forever. Lots of love to you and yours

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

OP - hope you're doing alright. I would suggest also that you sign up for product tests on MN. Just keep an eye on that board and sign up for anything interesting. You can get some nice free stuff that might be helpful and there's usually a draw for vouchers or money at the end of it. Doesn't cost anything.

[newoldmum]

What is wrong with people? In this day and age when you're applying for a job immediate access to phone/internet is pretty necessary imo. They have a whole host of people ready to jump. If you can't respond quickly you may end back at the end of the queue.

YY to free samples and the food bank.

Also be sure to look out for local groups etc. who can help in many ways, even if it just support.

Hang in there.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

I'm so sorry you're having to live like it. It's wrong and worries me it'll get much worse when the Tax credits are cut next year.

Really, really hope you're situation improves very soon, op. Some lovely posts on this thread, some not so. They should be ashamed of themselves. You sure have nothing to feel ashamed of.

Lots of love to you xxxxxx

[Beth2511]

Another wondering whereabouts you are? Anywhere near BH and i can put in a very good word for a job where my OH is a manager of :)