Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh saying he can't attend sleep study

111 replies

Esmeismyhero · 17/08/2015 16:32

So for the past yr and a half dh has been doing things in his sleep examples:

Threatening to punch me
Elbowed me in the mouth and I got a fat lip
Trying to have sex with me (this is the annoying one as he is 6'7" and 20 of stone so he's massive and it's hard to push him off)
Calling me derogatory names

He has been asleep, completely asleep it's only when I've shouted stop or dh name that he snaps out of it, I've been a bit scared to sleep with him tbh.

He finally went to the Drs after he tried to punch me as by then we knew it wasn't just a phase, dh is very apologetic in the morning and never remembers.

Anyway we have waited over 7 months for an appointment and he finally got one a few weeks ago, they have booked him in for a sleep study for 48 hours next week. Dh has been very moody lately and today has decided he can't attend the sleep study as he has too much work on Hmm

I've said that he has to go as I'm scared of sleeping with him and not to sound too dramatic but I don't partially want to deal with this anymore. He slept on the sofa for a week but says his back hurts so has been sleeping in the bed but I'm scared.

I'm not very happy about him basically saying he's not going to do it, I think he needs to. It's not fair on me.

I want to say that if he doesn't go then he cannot sleep with me until he has done it even if that takes months!

Aibu? This is serious :(

OP posts:
ElderlyKoreanLady · 17/08/2015 16:37

Yes it's serious, and yes, if he refuses he has to sleep elsewhere. No question.

Jinglebells99 · 17/08/2015 16:38

That sounds terrible. He needs to go. It isn't fair on you. If he doesn't go, I would agree he needs to be elsewhere. Seriously he thinks it is okay to rape and beat you in his sleep?! I'm pretty sure there have been cases where women have been murdered by their sleeping partners.

redshoeblueshoe · 17/08/2015 16:39

What Shock he has waited 7 months for this and now he can't be bothered. It does sound scary. I'd really suggest he has to move out till he has been if he's not going this time.

Jinglebells99 · 17/08/2015 16:39

Also he sounds a selfish bastard. His apologies mean nothing as he is back in the bed putting you at risk.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 17/08/2015 16:42

That's the thing he does get upset and I've said to him if he did hurt me I would forgive him but I know he couldn't forgive himself.

Hes been a right miserable so and so these past few weeks he says he is stressed! But I don't want to go through this anymore.

I was assaulted when I was 14 and had a concealed oregnancy and I don't want to be raped but he is asleep there is nothing I can do.

I love my husband so much but I feel he isn't taking this as seriously as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 17/08/2015 16:43

Yep 7 months, I think he might be scared of the outcome eg: antidepressants etc. he has said he won't take any medication if it comes to it.

OP posts:
DoJo · 17/08/2015 16:43

It sounds like he is worried - what does he think they are going to find if he does it? Surely anything would be better than this nightly drama for both of you? Is he worried that he would get a diagnosis of something which will affect his life?

Coconutty · 17/08/2015 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 17/08/2015 16:47

He won't take medication, even if he needs it to stop assaulting you in his sleep? He'd be moving out if he were my OH.

DrElizabethPlimpton · 17/08/2015 16:47

He needs to put your welfare ahead of his rediculous excuses for not going.

Yarp · 17/08/2015 16:48

This, to me, is about as serious an issue as you might encounter in a marriage. I would be full of anger if my DH refused to do the absolute utmost to address this.

Methe · 17/08/2015 16:49

I'd be saying go to the appointment or were over, and I'd stick to my word. He's being a selfish cunt.

Yarp · 17/08/2015 16:51

How he feels - getting upset, being apologetic means nothing if he fails to do anything

He won't sleep on the sofa, he won't do the sleep study. It's not acceptable

BarbarianMum · 17/08/2015 16:53

He has a choice. He either goes or he sleeps separately. Sounds like he's burying his head in the sand.

Yarp · 17/08/2015 16:54

Oh, and he won't take antidepressants.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 17/08/2015 16:54

I'm glad it's not me being a bitch, I did think maybe I was bu but glad I'm not. I'll see if he has booked the time off work tonight when he is home.

I want to shout at him for being such an arse.

OP posts:
RightHandRed · 17/08/2015 16:58

How he feels - getting upset, being apologetic means nothing if he fails to do anything

^This. He is putting himself before your safety. He realises he could rape you but he still won't go? What.a.twat.

I don't usually go in for ultimatums but his refusal to go to the sleep study would be a deal breaker.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 17/08/2015 17:07

I don't think he thinks it's as serious as I'm making out. I've posted about dh before tbh he is usually lovely but this situation has been a shitter.

OP posts:
musicalbingo · 17/08/2015 17:09

Agree with other posters (particularly RightHandRed)

He is a being incredibly selfish

I would also be issuing an ultimatum, he has to go to this appointment - Yes, work is sometimes pressurised but this should come first.

RightHandRed · 17/08/2015 17:10

He's already attempted to rape you and already assaulted you. There is the potential that he could very seriously harm you but he doesn't think it's serious? Fucking hell.

Yarp · 17/08/2015 17:10

Has he seem the list of 4 things you put in your OP?

If so, how can a sane person not think that is serious?

FenellaFellorick · 17/08/2015 17:12

He is more worried about taking some pills or missing a bit of work than about punching or raping you?

He has some fucked up priorities. Have you said that to him?

I think it would be wise for you to say you won't share a bed with him until he gets it sorted.

BalloonSlayer · 17/08/2015 17:13

"I would forgive him but I know he couldn't forgive himself. "

Um, I think he has forgiven himself completely, actually. So much so that he thinks it doesn't matter, and he doesn't need to go.

Never mind not sleeping with him, I'd say Go to the study, or just Go.

musicalbingo · 17/08/2015 17:16

Oh forgot to say

He slept on the sofa for a week but says his back hurts

Politely, fuck his back...what about your safety???

lunar1 · 17/08/2015 17:18

He will have to move out then if he won't attend the appointment. He knows he could rape or seriously harm you and he doesn't want to solve it. How is that different to deliberately raping you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread