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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely appalled my 4 year old just used the F word!

56 replies

superspamiam · 15/08/2015 19:48

Just that really. At a family get together he said this to his cousin within earshot of several other kids. I dont know the context of how it was said but said cousin immediately came to tell us. My dh went upstairs and told him off, but I am just so embarrassed and appalled that he knows how to use this word! It's not used by me in front of the kids but he has definitely overheard dh saying it. What is the best approach to take to prevent this happening again. I am mortified!

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 15/08/2015 19:54

Well if you don't want him saying it, you and your husband will have to stop saying it yourselves. You can hardly blame the child for repeating what he hears.

Penfold007 · 15/08/2015 20:17

He's heard his father saying it, learnt the word and used it. No use punishing him, blame your DH.

lostinikea · 15/08/2015 20:23

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LazyLohan · 15/08/2015 20:24

Why did his cousin come straight up and tell you? That seems like an odd thing for a cousin to do.

I feel your pain though. My little boy is half Irish and in Ireland 'feck' is not a rude word so he's heard it, come home and repeated it in total innocence. It's quite easy to nip in the bud though.

His cousin sounds like a smug little git and I wonder if he goaded him or was outright lying.

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 20:32

lostinikea, we are getting lots of those terms too. He regularly calls his sister a 'pooer ' and other similarly lovely names. But more worrying for me is that he has a fearsome temper and will also shout at people to 'shut up' when he's angry. I'm embarrassed in case he displays this behaviour in front of other family or friends. Although my Dh's family tend to be quite understanding about these things I just know my side will be appalled just as I am.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/08/2015 20:33

His cousin sounds like a smug little git

Oh FFS, don't be so bloody ridiculous.

Children tell tales. It doesn't make them smug or a git Hmm

OP I used to simply explain that some words were for grown ups and they shouldn't use them. They have no idea there's anything wrong as they've just heard someone else say them.

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 20:39

I must admit my first reaction was to say to his cousin that I find it hard to believe that he would say that, as I have never heard him use that word at home. Short of calling him a liar though we just took the decision to discipline ds anyway. Dh said he was upset when he was reprimanded so I guess that speaks volumes about his guilt!
Lazy, how did you nip it in the bud? Is it best to not make too much of it or really come down hard?

OP posts:
Altinkum · 15/08/2015 20:39

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Sistedtwister · 15/08/2015 20:42

Yes just explain that it's not a nice word. And take comfort it's not the worse thing he could say. Conversation at my mums the other day;

DD(7): gran is cunt a swear word 'coz XXxX (friend) says it's not?
DM: it most certainly is and you can tell XXxX that!

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 20:45

No that's true, Soupdragon. However mortified I was at least I found out what a potty mouth he has when amongst family. Imagine when he starts school, I going to be one of those parents of the naughty boy no one wants to invite to play. Oh dear I think I'm getting my knickers in a twist, I'm sure there are bigger problems in life than this.

OP posts:
Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 20:49

Grin I just pray he doesn't know THAT word yet!! But there's still time...

OP posts:
Altinkum · 15/08/2015 20:50

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maggieryan · 15/08/2015 20:53

My 3 year old told me out of the blue to close the "fucking" door as clear as anything. My other kids thought this was hilarious and kept asking her to repeat it. I didn't make a big deal out of it and just said not to say it again and noone would like her if she used bold words and that was it. She hasn't repeated it, that was about four mths ago. I'm sure your son is the same. I wouldn't worry too much about it. He'll forget if he doesn't hear it again

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 20:53

Lohan don't be an idiot or git yourself. Children tell tales all the time. You've never heard of siblings doing thisConfused
Op you know the source now, so your dh needs to stop it. Your ds will do it as long as your dh does.

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 20:56

That's pretty funny Altinkum. Who'd have them?!!

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 15/08/2015 20:57

I love Anglo Saxon swear words and use them a lot. TBH the trick is to get DCs to the point where they know that there are words they don't use in front of their teachers, parents friends, grandma etc. I still giggle at my cross 5 yo coming into the room, rolling her eyes, sighing and and informing me that DH was being a c* again. I kept a straight face and asked what he had done (shouted unnecessarily) and we talked about that. It is just a word.

Yarp · 15/08/2015 21:05

When my DS1 was 4 we were out with relatives in a crowded beer garden. He was having a strop about something, then we needed to leave. When I tried to chivvy him along, he said, very loudly and distinctly: 'I'm trying to get my FUCKING shoes on'

Rleatives who relativen't even there got to hear about it.....

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 21:06

Well I admire your relaxed parenting style, I think that approach probably works the best, especially with older children. I always worry so much that I am being judged by others for my parenting skills and I think that make me get quite upset by things like this. I think I need to take a fucking chill pill (sorry Grin )

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BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/08/2015 21:08

Some kids go through a phase of getting other kids into trouble, usually between 8 and 10 yrs old, so it's possible that the cousin taught him the word before coming to tell you that he was saying it. The thing to do if you suspect it is to tell your DC off out of sight and earshot of the other child so that you deny them the thrill of getting your DC into trouble, and then try and stay within earshot for the rest of the afternoon so that you can catch them in the act.

There is a family of children who live on our road and I don't let my DC out unsupervised when one particular child of the other family is also outside because he has a history of telling tales on other children about things that he actually did himself, or winding his siblings up to have a fight with another child. This child will grow out of it and he's just attention seeking, but in the meantime my DC need an adult witness because they're bad at reading the signs and removing themselves before it all goes bad.

Yarp · 15/08/2015 21:08

I swear a fair bit but I think at that age I was still using drat and rats quite a lot.

But I agree with not quite - i am fairly relaxed about it at home, but my kids know that other people do find it offensive and I do not want them swearing in the street or in from of their grandparents.

Maryz · 15/08/2015 21:08

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Sapat · 15/08/2015 21:09

I don't have a problem with my children knowing swear words. I tell them that I don't mind them knowing them, but they are not allowed to say the words as they are for grown ups only and children sound awful saying them. They seem to get it and they don't embarrass me too frequently.

Original poster
superspamiam · 15/08/2015 21:10

Shock Yarp, how on earth did you respond to that?

OP posts:
Yarp · 15/08/2015 21:13

super

He was n a real mood - getting angry with him would not have been helpful. I gracefully ignored it and then talked to him about it afterwards. It was embarrassing - he was my first and I know what you mean about everything seeming to reflect on your parenting. I could have made a song and dance about it just to prove to the many, many people in the beer garden what a great mum I am, but I didn't see the point. It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things

Altinkum · 15/08/2015 21:19

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