To be absolutely appalled my 4 year old just used the F word!

[superspamiam]

Just that really. At a family get together he said this to his cousin within earshot of several other kids. I dont know the context of how it was said but said cousin immediately came to tell us. My dh went upstairs and told him off, but I am just so embarrassed and appalled that he knows how to use this word! It's not used by me in front of the kids but he has definitely overheard dh saying it. What is the best approach to take to prevent this happening again. I am mortified!

It's not funny when your own child swears but it's bloody funny when someone elses does

DH and I now swear in front of the DC but they are older. We've taught our DC that we are allowed to but they aren't. Like driving, and drinking beer.

We didn't used to except DH did when he was driving and forgot DC were in the back DS1 learned the f-word at school then taught then 4yo DS2. It seemed ages before he grew out of saying it....I swung between ignoring it in the house and hissing at him if he said it in public. I should probably have stuck to one method.

When he was in reception he wrote "DS1 is a fuker"in the snow in the park. That was a particular parenting low point, but we couldn't help being slightly pleased with his literacy skills.

Um grunt, as my DCs are now teenagers or older, I have the advantage of having seen how they have turned out. Just fine. And perfectly able to tailor their language to their audience.

My dad, born in 1956, was picked up from his first day at school by my nan. He answered the question of how his day had been and if he enjoyed it, with 'It was fucking brilliant'
He learnt it from the older kids in the playground and my nan was gobsmacked by his response. She doesn't swear, even now, and he had no idea he shouldn't be using that sort of language until she told him. He is not a swearer, now, for all his faults unlike his daughter

Heard DS aged 8 last night mutter 'fuck off'. Turns out a wasp was in his room

I personally think a lot of this is over reacting.

At 4 a child is not going to have that great self control - that is normal. The thing is to teach them to direct anger in more acceptable ways, and if they are not hurting others that is quite good.

Why is you 4 year old saying "shut up" a lot? Are adults not listening to him, is he being ignored or "teased". If he had elder siblings - then I would say that was quite normal - because my older ones would wind the little one up when bored.

As to swearing, they will learn the words sometime, and will probably use then first in an embarrassing place (eg. 4 year old coming out with it when in the car with their Vicar Aunty, to echoes of everyone including siblings saying "You can't say that!").
The more they hear it the more likely they will use it.

I would though have discouraged the cousin from telling tales - it's not as if anyone was hurt.

DS is ten and knows a lot of swear words having attended football matches since he was v little. He also knows that they are words that adults use at football matches, not for him to copy. Bless him, he still comes and tells me when someone has used a swear word on a Youtube video he has been watching