To want my mummy?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I'm 30 years old and married to my totally lovely DH but ever since I had my DS two and a half weeks ago at 35 weeks I want my mummy! My mum happened to be at the hospital when I went into labour early and, feeling slightly panicked and scared for my pre-term baby, I asked my mum to come to delivery with me and my DH. This wasn't what DH and I had discussed but in the stress of the moment I forgot that and just wanted both of them there. My mum lives pretty far away and since my DH has gone back to work, I've also asked my mum to visit for a few days every week, just for a few weeks. Obviously that means she's at our house in the evenings when my DH comes home from work a couple of nights a week. My DH is incredibly threatened by me wanting my mum around so much - thinks it means that I think he's not good enough/can't cope just the two of us. He also really resented that my mum was there during labour. I keep telling him that he is enough but he's at work all day and just to start with I really need the support/company during the day. I have also told him that I'm sorry that it wasn't just the two of us during labour, but it was scared and just wanted to have all the support I could get! AIBU? What can I do to resolve this? I don't know what to say to DH to make him feel ok about having my mum around and I really don't want to stop having her around as I really need her right now! Help please!!

I'm sorry to hear about your sis and hope it's not too serious.

Ok now your husband needs to step up. I don't care if he's the bleeding attorney general, his wife and new baby need him. What's he going to do?

Looking on the bright side, this might actually help him appreciate your mum more and make him realise what an arse he's been.

Ok so your husband is not happy. If not having your mum there would make him happy but you unhappy, well then that is not the answer.
Sit him down and have a frank talk.
You have grown another human being inside you so until he can do this and I think your need to have your mum at this time trumps his being unhappy. If you can work out a compromise that still meets your needs all well and good but don't give up what you NEED for what he WANTS!

DH is now really upset that mum's not coming! He has been brilliant today though - tidied the whole house, given me a massage, looked after the baby between feeds so I could have a bath and a sleep - all stuff he did on paternity leave but which fell off a bit when he started back at work.

P.s. Sis got attacked in London last night - she got away and is physically ok but badly frightened. Horrible what can happen.

Lorelai, I know it's only early days, and I don't know whether this is still generally the case, but you might find that there is a local "drop in" day to see HVs and get your baby weighed etc. My GP surgery used to run one, once a week (Tuesdays, I think!) when I was still in the UK. Of course it might be area dependent, and it might have all gone tits up in the cuts, but see if you can find out if there is one. Has a double advantage of getting you out of the house (once you can walk ok!) and meeting other mums with new babies - I think you said you've just moved to a new area, is that right? So it might help to talk to others.

Your HV should know if they do a drop-in centre service, so ask her in the morning :)

Oh good Lord Lorelai I hope your DSis is ok.

Glad to hear DH is stepping up a bit. Next all he has to do is rein in his unrealistic expectations about housework and the state of the house. You are home to look after YOUR BABY, not to be his skivvie.

Thanks - hopefully sis will be ok. All a bit grim and scary.

Found a weigh-in clinic near me tomorrow I think - near the hospital which I have to visit anyway to have my stitches checked - thank you for the suggestion. Will at least make me feel like I've done something with my day! Added bonus of being able to check DS's weight which I'm generally anxious about as exclusively breastfeeding premature baby!

Sorry to hear about your sister Lorelai, I hope she's ok. If you're looking for local groups/support there are often local Mums' networks which operate via Facebook but have real-life meet-ups. It's worth a search. Churches often have good Mums and tots groups too, even if you are not religious.

Your poor sister.

It can be really hard to get anything done, can't it?

I found it best to have a couple of jobs in mind, but not stress if they don't get done.

Sometimes you can get the washing in the machine & done & then can't get it out for ages!

Surely the perfect solution is for your sister to come and stay with you and then your mum cam look after both of you!

Your poor sister, I hope she recovers soon.

You do sound as if you're pushing yourself very hard. At this stage, there's absolutely no need to do anything with your day unless and until you want to. You only gave birth 2 weeks ago - I had barely left the settee at that point! And you had a difficult, dangerous labour so give yourself a break and tell your husband - lovely as he may be - to do the same!

Oh goodness, what a crosspost that was! So sorry I missed that about what happened to your sister, eek! Very glad she got away but I'm sure she's in shock with it all. Hope she recovers from it soon - has she seen the police about it?

Glad your DH is missing your mum - ha! how the tables have turned...

Not sure Bertrand's answer is the right one though, you might not want a traumatised sister there with your prem baby and DH!

Also good that you've found a drop-in centre, that helps a lot :)