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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? DP and Maintenance payments

51 replies

eggypeggsandsoldiers · 14/08/2015 16:18

We have this morning been threatened with legal action from DPs ex. His divorce (finalised in 2006) stated maintenance payments would finish at the end of secondary education or age 18.

Ex-wife is now gunning for another four years of maintenance, AIBU to think the original divorce agreement/settlement should stand?

Has anyone else heard of the courts ordering maintenance payments to continue through university?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
coffeeisnectar · 14/08/2015 16:20

Yanbu. If the child needs support then it can be paid directly to them not to the mother.

beepbeep · 14/08/2015 16:20

From what I understand maintenance is often 'whilst in full time education' so including university. Though with me it was paid directly to the child. Is there a reason why he wouldn't want to support his DC through university?

LaurieFairyCake · 14/08/2015 16:21

He is paying his child at uni the maintenance payments?

It's more usual now for help/support/maintenance to be paid to the young person until they finish full time education.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 14/08/2015 16:22

Dh mistakenly thought the payments stopped at 18. We have to pay until his 20th birthday.

spanieleyes · 14/08/2015 16:23

My ex paid maintenance for our children whilst they were at university. "In full time education" seems to be the norm.

StanSmithsChin · 14/08/2015 16:23

Why is she asking for a further 4 years?
If it is because they are staying in education and going to uni wouldn't your DH just financially support directly to his now adult DS/DD? I am assuming that they are not going away from home so ex beleives that he should keep on paying her.

I would continue to financially support but give the money direct to his DD/DS. Also don't stress about threats wait and see if she actually follows through with it.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 14/08/2015 16:24

That's through csa though. I agree that the original agreement should stand. After that is between your dp and child.

MrsToddsShortcut · 14/08/2015 16:27

I don't know if there is a legal precedent for this, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that if his child is going to Uni that he might want to help out with financial support. Uni is crippilingly expensive. That said, not sure what his relationship with exW is like - is this something they could sit down and discuss together?

I suppose there are questions:

  1. Were you aware that this might be on the cards? (the legal threat from the wife) and did the letter come from a solicitor? (this might mean that there is a precedent).

  2. presumably DP knew his child was going to Uni - had he planned to help them out financially in any way?

  3. Crucially, can you afford this?

lampshady · 14/08/2015 16:27

This reply has been deleted

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ImperialBlether · 14/08/2015 16:29

My ex paid until each child finished university. Tbh it's more expensive having the children at university than having them at home in sixth form. No matter what the maintenance is, it's always cheaper (in my experience) to pay a flat rate rather than being hit for expenses again and again throughout the year. Plenty of examples to give if you need them!

RedDaisyRed · 14/08/2015 16:32

Why would any parent not want to help theirs at univefsity? You despair of these people.
Our court sealed consent order says I pay university costs for all 5 children.
Best to start by reading what the order says.

If it just says to age 18 then after that the child has a legal right to obtain support at university from the parent they do not live with under English law which is a strange rule as if they lived with the parent they cannot require a penny.

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 14/08/2015 16:34

YANBU

if it stated end of secondary education or age 18 then that should be adhered to

If he chooses to support his (adult) child through university then that is his choice

coffeeisnectar · 14/08/2015 16:34

Lampshady, that's a bit harsh. The legal agreement was 18 or finishing secondary education. Now the child is an adult and going to uni so maintenance going to the mother is not really right. The op hasn't said they won't support the dc but is asking if it should be continued being paid to the mum.

I think it should be agreed that some sort of regular payment is made directly to the dc but this needs to be agreed between the dad and the dc, not the mother.

Original poster
eggypeggsandsoldiers · 14/08/2015 16:34

It was a messy divorce and his lawyer advised him to stop after secondary education. There was a lump sum for each child for uni but that has been spent.

We have four children who want to go to uni and we have told them that they will need to work a little part time job to get themselves through uni but we will be helping them a little, by that I mean about £150-£200 a month. This means they will use their monthly allowance from us, their maintenance loans and earnings to survive on.

DP suggested doing this moving forward for his child but ex-wife is demanding payments continue to her at the current rate.....

OP posts:
MrsCs · 14/08/2015 16:35

There is no reason he can't support the child directly he is as much a parent as the mother, she is not needed as a middle man to direct finance, ridiculous.

LazyLouLou · 14/08/2015 16:37

I fucking hate people who expect the continue getting maintenance when the 'kids' go off to university.

a) the 'kid' should get it directly
b) the changes in funding may make it better NOT to have formal support in place.

Maybe that's what will happen with OP... I wouldn't leap to judge, swear or hoik up my judgey knickers until she clarifys!

NickiFury · 14/08/2015 16:37

You don't have four children wanting to go to uni, you have five and yes of course your DH should contribute.

And your use of the word "gunning" says it all. Lamp has got a point.

coffeeisnectar · 14/08/2015 16:37

What has the uni money been spent on?

Andro · 14/08/2015 16:38

lampshady

That's unnecessarily aggressive! OP hasn't indicated any unwillingness to support the dc at uni, she has queried a statement in a legal document and the likelihood of it standing. A formal maintainance agreement between parents is different to direct support of an adult dc.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/08/2015 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
eggypeggsandsoldiers · 14/08/2015 16:47

DP is happy to pay child directly, have not said otherwise.

I am just more than a little suprised at the insistence that the maintenance continues to be paid to her account.

We rather suspect the uni lump sum has just "dwindled" over the years. Car purchase, holidays, school trips. DP has never complained as these benefitted the kids.

OP posts:
Bambambini · 14/08/2015 16:54

Will uni going kids be still living at the mothers house, eating food there, her paying many of their costes etc? Not all kids go off to live at uni, become independent from parents and never get any help.

twirlypoo · 14/08/2015 16:55

I think if goes away then uni child gets money direct.

If stays at home then parent continues to get it as they are the one bearing the brunt of the costs.

twirlypoo · 14/08/2015 16:56

Oh sorry crossed posts with poster above!

MrsCs · 14/08/2015 16:57

And Bambambini? After 18 years surely she can pay her own bills, there really does have to be a limit!