Tube priority seat drama

[SniffsAndSneezes]

This will be a bit long winded I'm afraid (sorry) but I'll begin at the beginning... this afternoon after work I went and gave blood. I used to be regular donor but had to stop as I kept having delayed faint reactions, where you're fine immediately after donating but get dizzy and/or pass out anything up to (in my case) an hour later. So I waited a few years and was recently told I could have another try. So today I did.
Anyway, I got on the tube to go home afterwards (central line, about 6 pm which most Londoners will know is generally like a furnace) and I managed to get a seat when I got on (it happened to be a priority seat, I didn't pick that one by design)- which was just as well as I'd started seeing spots and my ears were ringing, which is usually a good sign that I'm going to faint. Knowing what was happening and what do I was leaning forward with my head propped on my hands, taking deep breaths and sips of water- not making a scene or anything but to the casual observer I probably didn't look the picture of health.
It's at this point that I get a tap on my shoulder and look up, and a woman with a not particularly large bump, baby on board badge and unimpressed look on her face, glares at me and says 'can I sit there please.' Yes, she said please but the manner in which she said it was still quite sharp and rude. I apologised and said that I really did need to sit and would she mind asking someone else? She then proceeded to very loudly berate me for not moving- this is a priority seat, you are supposed to give it up for pregnant women or disabled people, clearly I am neither so why won't I stand for her?? I explained that I'd just given blood, I wasn't feeling well and I was fairly sure that if I had to stand I'd either vomit or pass out much as I wanted to just tell her it was none of her fucking business. It was only then that the man sitting opposite me (also in a priority seat) stood up to let Angry Pregnant Woman sit down. Nobody else had offered, despite her outburst attracting plenty of attention.

AIBU to think that I shouldn't have to disclose my reason for needing a tube seat to any random stranger, pregnant or otherwise?? There a plenty of disabilities that aren't necessarily outwardly obvious, and while people are encouraged to stand for pregnant women on public transport, they are not actually obliged to do so and shouldn't have to explain themselves or put up with that kind of crap when they don't or can't?

SuperFlyHigh

Fine, but that was your choice. Doesn't mean anyone else choosing to use a BOB shouldn't use one. I love mine.

how rude of the woman. Let's hope she learns some manners before the baby inherits the attitude.

we need blood donors, but may I gently suggest that you have done your bit, OP? Also - if feeling faint, lie down with feet raised. You can't fall from that position. Not nice on a tube carriage floor, but better than hitting it hard!

She was rude. Loads and loads of invisible disabilities. People like that make me cross. Wonder why she picked on the woman ( I assume you are) rather than the bloke?

yanbu

How did she know you weren't pregnant or disabled. Sometimes you cannot tell by just looking at someone. What a nasty witch, I wish nobody got up and you're right you don't need to tell anyone why you are sitting there.

Goodness, that's just ridiculous. Are you saying that priority seating is available only to people with DLA? Does this mean only people with permanent disabilities rather than broken legs? Not people recovering from glandular fever? Going to hospital in a hurry to have worrying symptoms checked out? Would The woman coming back from chemo count?

And what about people who are just elderly and frail? They might not have any registered disability whatsoever.

The OP needed a seat. Just like I did the only time I've actually asked for one due to IBS cramps. Priority seats are "for anyone who needs them" as per the TFL website. If you don't need them then you should give your seat to anyone who does. But the OP did.

Had this before OP. I have epilepsy and am perfectly entitled to sit in the priority seats yet have been glared at when I have said that I would rather not move. The trouble with epilepsy is that sometimes I feel extremely faint and can't walk in a straight line. In fact, I have had complex partial seizures (absence seizures) on the tube before and no-one would even know looking at me. The best way to describe it is feeling like I've had 3 bottles of wine and 10 shots of tequila!!

Incidentally, BoB badges were introduced after an incident in 2004 - a pregnant commuter was elbowed in the stomach (accidentally) on a packed train and lost her unborn baby as a result. This led to an MP kicking off a campaign to raise awareness of vulnerable commuters. BoBs were launched the following year.

Those people slagging them off on this thread are coming across as arrogant and smug as you accuse BoB badge-wearers of being.

I don't know why people get so worked up about the badges - they are not compulsory but can be helpful if you want to be offered a seat or (given you may not be able to get NEAR the seats on a packed train) can at least help others around you be a little more considerate about ramming into you. I have used a BoB badge which I'd wanted that extra consideration.

For those who don't have one but want one - you can pick them up free from most tube stations if you ask the station assistant. You can order them online agaibn for free via the TFL site but do be aware that they come in branded "baby on board" envelopes so be careful about where you get it sent!

theclacks I remember a thread on here recently started by an MNer who was early days pregnant and ordered a badge to be delivered to her workplace, not knowing about the VERY unsubtle branded envelope Cue awkward explanation to her colleagues.

(Was it you?!)

CheesyWater - heh, no it wasn't me! I last ordered one maybe 4 or 5 years ago and then it just came in a plain envelope so just as well I read the disclaimers before I ordered as we currently have someone living with us who we didn't want to be aware.

YANBU - she was very rude. Last year I was on crutches for a month after I ruptured 3 discs. I was hardly ever offered a seat, either on the tube or train, in the whole time.

It's not just the difficulty standing though is it? I was lucky, standing by the doors of a tube train that broke suddenly, piling people into me and smashing my head into the glass partition. Baby fine, head fine but it might not have been....

Well said CheesyWater.

maybe what's wrong with asking to sit down?? or do you lose the power of speech when pregnant??

Superflyhigh nothing whatsoever, but some people don't feel comfortable doing that. why harangue them about it. does it affect you if other people wear a badge?

hmmm true you do have a point.

backs down

If someone had a non visible disability then they could have just shown their disability pass and said nothing.

Oh no no, we don't have disability passes, we have special government-administered tattoos on our foreheads you fucking idiot

truffles
goodness Priority is pregnant or disabled? Because the two are on a par? Nevermind elderly people, ill ones, injured ones etc who aren't carrying a mythical disabled tatoo pass. Because if you're ill from pregnancy that is more deserving than any other form of temporary, or in the case of age permanent, ill health? So someone like op whose blood may well be used for a pregnant woman should stand up for someone on the basis of their womb contents? Bollocks.
I've got a leg in plaster. I can and have for short journeys stood with my weight off it. I sit in priority seats at the mo cos I can't make it on crutches down public transport aisles. I have stood for people more in need than me, and if I was on a long journey would still do so for someone more in need. That category does not include someone who is just pregnant with none of the ill health some people suffer during it.

YANBU

I assume every seat on a rush hour tube train is only for people who really need it and if you are sitting with your head in your hands then definitely reckon you qualify.

Even when pg I chose to stand rather than sit as I didn't like crushing through people to get up at my stop. When fainting, feeling sick and later with spd I looked ill enough without needing a BOB badge.

Did once get offered a seat by a middle aged business man when I was a 20 something about town looking faint because I had forgotten to eat and was wearing big baggy dungarees. I sat down and said thank you because I didn't want to cause embarrassment.

So glad I no longer use the tube in rush hour.

I'm constantly being turfed out of my seat for pregnant woman.

Does it annoy me? I'll be honest and say sometimes it does :). I had an op recently and felt unwell for a few weeks after my op but still had to give up my seat to healthy looking mid pregnancy women (I KNOW looks can be deceiving but they certainly weren't leaning over about to faint, they were people who got on immediately expecting to get a seat because they were pregnant).

I think it's nice that we live in a society where we want to give pregnant women seats. I think it's a real shame that we live in a society where our public transport system cannot cope with the numbers of people who take it meaning we can't ALL get a seat :).

I do think there are some pregnant women who wear the badges as if it's a little perk of pregnancy rather than because they might really need to sit down. But you know what, so be it. If it means the percentage that need to sit down get a seat, well then that's a good thing!

(ps have been commuting in London now for 17 years!)

Would it not be a better solution for the train/tube operators to issue a Priority pass to those in genuine need, that you could get at the same time as your ticket, and only people holding that pass can use the Priority seat?

That way you wouldn't have to argue with anyone - if they have a pass they are entitled to the seat whether or not they "look" like they need it; and if they don't have one you are perfectly justified in turfing them out.

Ok right. This particular woman sounds like an idiot, but what has bump-size got to do with it?

Personally I was fine standing in the second/last trimester. But the early months were the worst - and are for many women. Morning sickness can be awful. The comments about bump-size are really ignorant.

And the young man who comes over faint unexpectedly on a hot day should get up for the perfectly healthy pg woman who just felt like a sit down Indatherene? And the OP, who needs a seat as a result of a public service? And me, who's needed a seat once in twenty years? Should I get one just in case I need it again?

The seats are for people who need them. People who don't need them should get up if asked. People who do like the OP and foxinsocks should say "I'm sorry, I can't stand, please ask someone else"

I vomited the first 20 weeks of both my pregnancies. If you saw a vomiting woman on the Piccadilly line between 1999-2001 yes that was me! Me and my plastic bag!

The priority pass wouldn't work as too many would go for it. A man clean passed out on my train last week - it was very scary as he hit the ground without his fall being broken straight onto his head :(.