To think a 7yo is too young to go out unsupervised? Please help!

[QueenMas]

Please help, I feel sick.

I have just found out that when DD is at her Dad's, he allows her to go to the park on her own with her friends. She only turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, going into year 3 in Sept.

Her father lives semi rurally, on an estate in a quiet village. There isn't much around apart from fields and a couple of shops. I live in Greater London, so a big difference.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with him allowing her to "play out"; although come to terms with it as the children play on the green directly outside their houses (which are in a semi circle), and they have floor to ceiling windows at the front of the house so can be watched at all times.

But now, I find out that she goes to the park without him. It's only around the corner, however it means crossing a road and of course she is completely out of sight while there. AIBU to think this is inappropriate for a (just turned!) 7yo?

I have tried to speak to him about it, he does not see the problem. He hates me so much, he takes anything I say as "causing trouble" rather than thinking of our DD's safety! He eventually "agreed" not to let her go, but I don't trust that for a second, he lies constantly. He is spiteful and would tell DD not to tell me. Only last week, I had to take DD to A&E after she fell off her bike, I thought she had broken something. I called and called, and text to tell him. He did not reply. Who doesn't reply when their child is being taken to hospital?! But he was annoyed with me so didn't care.

I've sent him a video to try and show him my concerns
although I doubt he will watch. As well as stranger danger, I worry about her crossing the road. About not being "briefed" correctly about what to do in an emergency. I feel that she is FAR too young to be out and about unsupervised, she was only 6 a couple of weeks ago fgs!

What can I do? Other than stopping contact, but is that reasonable? I feel this is neglecting my daughter

Apart from my DH who was 10 playing in a park.

www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/hay-festival/11641096/Number-of-paedophiles-in-Britain-will-shock-public-warns-Deputy-Childrens-Commissioner-for-England.html

If your definition of helicopter parent is accompanying a toddler and an 8 year old to our local park on the edge of a town, yes I am one and proud of it.

OP I know how you feel. I don't think you're being terribly reasonable though. I was anxious about my DCs going out, but I realised that this was more about me than my kids and that it was unfair for me to "project".

I agree with MintJulip.

I don't have a problem with other parents sending their kid of to the park at 7 on their own. It's their child, they can do what they want. I however, would be very worried about my 7 year old doing so. I can therefore, understand her concern.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/almost-1-in-every-35-men-could-be-a-sexual-risk-to-children-national-crime-agency-says-10334624.html

A report published by the NSPCC last week showed that the number of children at risk of all forms of abuse had increased by 80 per cent since 2002

Karen Bradley, the minister for preventing abuse and exploitation said that the report was a watershed moment and that society needed to look at the reality of what was going on

We must all look unblinkingly at the reality. Raise our voices when we suspect a child is at rick and work together to find solutions

If supervising my dd's makes me a helicopter parent when the police have issued warnings to be aware of the attempted abduction,then,I am,and I don't care what names I'm called for it!

My DC1 will turn 8 in 6 weeks so a good bit older than yours I think it still makes a difference at this age and she is allowed to play out. She has certain boundaries in the village, beyond which she is not allowed to go alone but I have used this summer to carefully extend her ability to look after herself.

I think you know your child best but that in your position I would let the child go so YABabitU. It must be frustrating to not be on the same parenting page as your ex though. I have to keep updating DH as to what I let the DC do as he is much more cautious than me so we have regular discussions about it.

Jeez louise... Some people seem to think everyone and their mother are paedophiles out on the hunt for little kids.

no way id let my 7yr old play without supervision.

Yabu he is her parent and has assessed the situation and deemed it safe. As for not texting you back yabu I don't text back because I am at work haven't got my phone in the cinema in the garden the list goes on sometimes I don't get messages for several hours. Your dd is blessed with a daddy who wants to see her loves her and gives her a great life different to the one she has with you I for one would have been over the moon if my dc had had that.

yes, there are all sorts of tiny risks. That can be minimised by teaching your children how to cross roads, what to do if they feel uncomfortable, what to do if someone bullies/hurts them, what to do if an adult approaches them,, what to do if they hurt themselves, and to stay in groups (and what to do if one of their friends hurts themselves, for example).

these risks are there right up to older teenage years (and some of those risks are increased the older the children get). So what's the option - not let them out alone until they are 18?

Preventing normal childhood activities and development is also a 'risk' - it harms your child.

Next time Brown Owl suggests she takes the Brownies to the park nearby,perhaps I should suggest she goes home and puts her feet up,cos they're all over 7.
After all,what could possibly go wrong?

loveareadingthanks this was well said: "'I'm aghast at those who won't let children out until 9 or 10 - THAT to me is lazy parenting, putting your own feelings before the benefit to your child."

You articulated why I stubbornly let my 2 children play out of my sight from a young age despite my own grey hairs and the judgement of others.

Preventing normal childhood activities and development is also a 'risk' - it harms your child.

Agree.

I also agree that there are 'paedos on every corner' but they are not lurking in playgrounds waiting to abduct strange children. They are making friends with parents, putting themselves in positions of trust in the community, being friendly to their neighbours, looking after their own children....

Lightening- I would have far more respect for a dad who loved his child enough to want to make the most of his time with her, climbing trees, building dens. Talking to her and teaching her about the world, rather than packing her off to the park alone on the precious time she gets 'with' him.

"A report published by the NSPCC last week showed that the number of children at risk of all forms of abuse had increased by 80 per cent since 2002"

At risk of what? From whom? Where? How? At what age?

that bloody woman - not the same thing at all, don't set up straw men.

Dutch1e - yes, we all did the worrying bit, when my son first started going out I was pacing the floor counting the minutes waiting for him to come back and worrying whether I was doing the right thing, but it WAS the right thing, and it would have been wrong to give in to my anxiety. Think of the kids, not yourself.

My seven year old is playing outside with his friend right now - where we live, that's totally the norm, and it's one of the reasons we moved here. We live in a small coastal town, and from about aged 8 onwards, kids are expected to walk to school alone. Independence, along with walking and cycling are hugely encouraged. You can kinda tell to look at the kids - not many chubby ones in this town.

I think you're possibly being a bit U, but I also think your ex is possibly being a bit lazy.

Ego, i'm sorry but I don't understand your link. Why are you referring to neglect? How is the link relevant to abductions?

My 7 (almost 8 ) year old is at the park now. He's with his 8 year old friend, and I can tell without looking (I've done plenty of spying in the past) that they're playing football/hanging from bars, or working on their den in the dried out ditch on side of park

It's about 200m away, on our side of the road.

There's a family on our close that won't let their boys even play in the street, I'm sure they disagree with my parenting choices, and I certainly disagree with theirs.

But your daughter is also HIS daughter, and he is capable of making judgement calls, just as you are.