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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bloody hate sleep training!

77 replies

LittleMissLady · 11/08/2015 19:56

DS is 11 months and I've just had enough of the bedtime struggle so I'm doing this weird combo of gradual retreat mixed with pick up put down method to sleep train him.

I breast fed him, cuddled him and put him in his cot when he was drowsy and seconds away from sleep.
He though that was hilarious and has been bouncing around in there for the last 20 minutes!!
Last night took an hour. 30 odd minutes of playing and brig put down. 30 odd of crying his heart out.

Did this with dd about 18 months ago. Hated it then, hating it now.
I'm aware the sleep issues are entirely my own fault as a wishy washy mummy but I still want to complain about it!!

OP posts:
MrsHende · 11/08/2015 19:59

We did it about two weeks ago, hated it.

However, I feel like a different person now that I'm getting more sleep, I wish we'd done it weeks ago!

It's hideous but worth it - keep going!

Original poster
LittleMissLady · 11/08/2015 20:02

I am secretly hoping that if he can learn to self settle at bedtime then he can sleep through the night too! He currently wakes 2-3 times a night. Which is exhausting Sad

OP posts:
ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 20:07

Oh I could have written your OP Flowers
I've had a bedtime from hell too with my 10 month old and it took nearly an hour. He seems to be going backwards - suddenly difficult to get to sleep and night wakings here too Sad no wisdom from me but you're not alone!
It's enough to drive you batshit crazy isn't it!

Purplepixiedust · 11/08/2015 20:07

If you hate it don't do it. They all sleep eventually.

A good book is the no cry sleep solution. I found it a big help,

Purplepoodle · 11/08/2015 20:20

Ah I remember the fun days of lurking outside each dc bedroom then popping in when they cried. Doing a quick pat and shhhhhh then running out again. Usually only took a week.

ShipShapeAhoy · 11/08/2015 20:26

I hate sleep training too! I started a thread a while back and got some excellent advice, none of which has worked for us.

No matter how sleepy she is, the second I put dd into her cot she stands up. The second I leave the room she bursts into hysterical tears. This has gone on for a maximum of 4 hours, with me leaving her for varying intervals, before I've given up and picked her up and walked her to sleep. I've left her screaming her head off for longer than I care to admit but she will not fall asleep.

I've been doing this because I have pressure from my mum and my mil but I've decided to give up as it's causing unnecessary stress to me and dd and making me feel like a terrible person. (Feels good to get this out!).

DisappointedOne · 11/08/2015 20:34

Can't imagine the baby is enjoying it much either.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 11/08/2015 20:42

My youngest was getting the hang of sleep then he reached 10 months and just stopped. No sleeping unless being permanently jiggled in a bouncer. We quickly concluded that this was going to send both of us round the twist in very little time at all.
We did a similar thing to you op, gradual withdrawal, going in for a quick comfort cuddle and then legging it...
It took four nights, and if it had gone on any longer I'd have given up as it was hell! But we had to do something as even co-sleeping wasn't working.
He's 16 months now and a lot better, but still takes ages to go off! Thankfully, he's on with his older brother now and they seem to keep each other company if sleep isn't happening. If there's no screaming, I ignore them.

LadyFenring · 11/08/2015 20:43

It is hard, but worth it. So worth it.

Prepared to get the usual bollocks about damaging your child/cortisone levels/going against nature/Infants being forced to handle stress they don't understand Hmm

shoopshoopsong · 11/08/2015 20:46

You don't have to do it. My son sleep so badly until about 14/15 months and then just started sleeping quite well. He is a cot refuser so sleeps on a single mattress on the floor.

It was horrible being sleep deprived for so long but for me that was better than letting him cry

ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 20:48

Is there a need for a snarky comment like that disappointed?

Some nights getting a baby to sleep can be soul destroying, mine is difficult now he is learning to walk and teething at once.

He won't sleep during the day for very long and has been difficult at bedtime. I would like him to sleep and I'm exhausted and stressed, at the point where I need to do something about it.

shoopshoopsong · 11/08/2015 20:49

*slept

fabuLou · 11/08/2015 20:50

Don't do
It then.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/08/2015 20:51

I tried it a few times when DS was 8 months old and I absolutely hated it so I didn't do it.

Due to loads of sleep related issues my life became a very dark place, lots and lots of tears so when he was nearing 10 months I tried again.

That time I was so, so, so desperate that I didn't hate it because I knew it was something I had to do otherwise I would lose my sanity. All I focused on was the job in hand and waiting for it to work, which after 3-4 nights it did.

My emotional stability and my relationship with both DS and DH was saved.

shoopshoopsong · 11/08/2015 20:52

If it helps (and probably not if they're in the cot) I lie next to mine til he drifts off then sneak off. It looks like we're in a squat with a mattress on the floor but was just one of the many things we tried out of desperation and it seemed to work

DisappointedOne · 11/08/2015 20:54

My DD was an early teether (3m), crawler (5m) and walker (9m) and had the compulsion to stand repeatedly when she should really have been sleeping. DH worked away and I had no family within 200 miles. There were nights I wanted to superglue her to the bed (coslept) to help her switch off but I still didn't need to sleep train her.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/08/2015 20:59

People have their own personal reasons for sleep training Disappointed.

I doubt any parent takes the decision lightly.

Good for you not having to sleep train, all that means is that you had no reason to whereas other parents do.

imwithspud · 11/08/2015 21:01

It's hard, but if you really want to see improvement you need to be consistent with it. I hated doing it with my DD1 but I was literally at the end of my tether and I really wasn't coping at all. I'm hoping I don't have to go down that route with DD2, adopting a slightly different approach this time round, plus she's a different baby. So fingers crossed the sleep situation goes smoothly this time (famous last words).

imwithspud · 11/08/2015 21:02

Shame we can't all be perfect parents like you, Disappointed Wink

minipie · 11/08/2015 21:06

YANBU. I bloody hated it too.

But I hated the multiple night wakings (and resulting knackered baby and parents) even more.

Sleep training was the lesser of two evils.

It can't help with everything though OP. it's great for sorting sleep associations (eg baby who needs to feed to fall asleep and back to sleep) but obviously won't stop waking due to teething or illness. So as to whether it will sort your 2-3 wakings per night, it depends on the cause of those.

LittleMissPear · 11/08/2015 21:11

Hating it over here too.
It's nice to know I'm not alone. My
11 month old comes into bed with is most nights. I'm trying to sleep train so he'll stay in his cot all night, problem is I have no idea if I'm doing it right Hmm

ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 21:17

Ok, does sleep training mean leaving the baby to cry? Because I'm not doing that, I'm just trying to get him to fall asleep in his cot as opposed to laying next to me for hours because it's driving me crazy.

ScrumpyBetty · 11/08/2015 21:19

Good for you disappointed have a medal

ThisIsClemFandango · 11/08/2015 21:20

littlemiss DS does too. That doesn't bother me so much but he is waking in the night for no other reason than habit which is wearing me down bit by bit...

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 11/08/2015 21:23

I'm currently reaping the benefits of my 20 month old being used to falling asleep breastfeeding.........still multiple might waking which I have ONLY just (this last week) managed to get through without giving her milk, now I can usually lay her back down and stroke her head til she falls asleep. Then just got to light-foot-ninja-crawl/contort myself out of the bedroom without waking which is only ever marginally successful due to living in the creakiest floor boarded house ever!!!

Sleep training......not so much.