To bloody hate sleep training!

[LittleMissLady]

DS is 11 months and I've just had enough of the bedtime struggle so I'm doing this weird combo of gradual retreat mixed with pick up put down method to sleep train him.

I breast fed him, cuddled him and put him in his cot when he was drowsy and seconds away from sleep.
He though that was hilarious and has been bouncing around in there for the last 20 minutes!!
Last night took an hour. 30 odd minutes of playing and brig put down. 30 odd of crying his heart out.

Did this with dd about 18 months ago. Hated it then, hating it now.
I'm aware the sleep issues are entirely my own fault as a wishy washy mummy but I still want to complain about it!!

Fair play to you. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can be arsed to sleep train. At the peak of my exhaustion, when I probably should have done something to help ds sleep, I just couldn't find the will. I took the easy option- co sleeping and sticking a boob in his mouth if he so much as squeaked.

Back ache and broken sleep for months. I felt awful. Thankfully he settled down on his own at about 14 months and I realise how bloody lucky I am.

Good luck. I've heard sleep training can be very effective, hope it is for you.

It's not about being a "perfect parent": it's about understanding some basic facets about your very young, highly dependent child.

For example: no adult sleeps right through the night. It's inreasonable to expect a baby or child to.

It is normal for human adults to want to share a bed, but we (society) have an expectation that babies will sleep in cots on their own and often in their own rooms.

If an adult doesnt get their physical or emotional needs met, we call it abuse. Ignoring a crying child at bedtime is considered by some necessary, acceptable or positive.

Western society is fucked.

DS does too. That doesn't bother me so much but he is waking in the night for no other reason than habit which is wearing me down bit by bit...

No. He's waking in the background get because ALL HUMANS DO!

*night, not background

Sleep deprivation can take a really serious toll on a family's health and wellbeing and parent's don't turn to sleep training lightly, but because they are at the end of their rope, like I was after a year and a bit of being woken every 2hrs at night- I had begun to feel suicidal. Sleep training benefited our family 1000% (and no, no cry sleep solution did not work for us). It is hard for a few nights but worth it so keep going, choose a method and stick to it as consistency is key.

I am dreading this too. My 5 month old wont sleep anywhere but his swing with white noise going. Totally opposite of my daughter who slept as soon as you put her down. I know one day I have to sleep train and it will probably be worse when he's older blah blah blah but for now I can sleep at night

No. He's waking in the background get because ALL HUMANS DO!

We didn't, before we had DS!

Thanks for your lovely helpful comments, but I'm not abusing my baby. I'm trying to get him to sleep without crying and he is currently not getting enough sleep.
Good to know you did everything right and everyone else is a crap parent

You did. You just don't realise it.

WTAF? You say 'ignoring a baby at bedtime'
Read my posts.
I'm not ignoring him!

Ok, does sleep training mean leaving the baby to cry?

Not necessarily, at least not in my book. There are various techniques to encourage sleep.

no adult sleeps right through the night. It's inreasonable to expect a baby or child to.

For me it wasn't about getting baby to sleep through the night. It was about encouraging good sleep habits. Waking hourly through the night is not a good sleep habit (obviously it's different with newborns etc). DD1 didn't sleep through the night after sleep training (she did that a few months after), but her sleep improved considerably and as a result we were all much happier for it.

And I actually prefer having the whole bed to myself on the very rare occasion it happens. Beats having DP snoring into my ear every night any day.

There is so much wrong with your post disappointed that I do not know where to begin

Yes it is unreasonable to expect a young baby to sleep through but as they approach a year they can be taught to self settle. Most adults do wake up at night but don't notice it and go quickly back to sleep. A child that has to be soothed by an adult back to sleep at the end of every sleep cycle is fine if the adult and child both have no problem with it, but if the parent is waking up 5+ times a night then this can cause serious sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation can lead to a multitude of problems, impairing cognitive function, lowering immune system, causing mood disorders. This is all well documented by scientific research. Unlike the supposed detrimental effects of sleep training for which there is no scientific evidence whatsoever

Nobody is talking about just shutting the door and ignoring a child at bedtime, so comparing it to abuse is just disturbing. I work with people who have actually been abused disappointed and so far I've never had anyone come in and claim that they were traumatised from the effects of sleep training.

YABU. If you hate sleep training... Then don't do it. It isn't mandatory. In fact probably better for your baby's emotional wellbeing if you didn't.

I can't help but laugh at all the emotional wellbeing crap. Jesus. OP do what is best for you and your baby and ignore anyone telling you you're harming your baby.

sciencemommy.weebly.com/blog/the-science-behind-cry-it-out-sleep-training

Lots of info about why not to do it, and some suggestions of what to try instead.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201407/parents-misled-cry-it-out-sleep-training-reports

Sometimes as a parent you have to make the decision to do something difficult and upsetting, for the long term benefit of the child or famy unit. My chd is nearly 2 and refuses food at home, eats well at nursery. His key worker suggested I stop offering him milk. Ds cried a lot, he was clearly distressed. I was upset. But a week later he is eating food. Totally worth the short term upset I think.

Disappointed, have a medal then.

DS is 11 months and has done stuff early and late.
Dd is 3 years and she did everything early as well.

I was a single mum up til last week when their dad moved in, but he has actually been away since Friday. He was here for 3 nights before having to rush off to another country on a family emergency.

I need to sleep train as I am absolutely on my knees. I have not had more then 3 hours sleep in god knows how long. I hate doing it because I hate seeing him looking at me like I've betrayed him.
But bedtimes aren't just stressful for me, they are stressful for him too.
He wriggles around on my bed, crying and fussing. In fact it's almost no different to what I am doing now, except he is in his cot and can't pull my hair.

I have no issue at all with anyone responding saying they don't agree with sleep training etc but fucks sake, could you be any more self righteous???

Oh do fuck off, disappointed, it is not abuse and saying that is only serves to minimise actual, real, proper abuse which makes you a bit of a dick, really

Sleep training, to me, is adopting a clear and consistent approach to settling your baby so that they learn to go to sleep and stay asleep for a good chunk of time. No one here is saying leave your baby to scream or ignore your baby for hours on end.

I used sleep training with DS because I was on my knees with sleep deprivation and after having two really good sleepers it was a shock to the system! I gave him until he was a year old but then I had to do it for the sake of my sanity and for the safety of my other children - being so tired that you're doing things like stepping into the road without looking properly or forgetting to turn the stove off are serious issues.

My routine and sleep training went like this:

• bath followed by pyjamas on and story in the bedroom with dimmed lights
• lights off and BF
• into cot and lullaby projector light switched on

DS would immediately stand up and start bouncing around, calling to me, trilling to himself, smacking the projector and so on. I would sit on the floor near the door and ignore him. If he started to cry I would go to him, gently lie him down, and rub his back until he stopped crying. Then I'd move back to my spot near the door. He'd stand up again, happy as Larry and wanting to play so we'd start the cycle again.

It took around 5 nights but by night 3 he would stay lying down and by the fifth night he would lie down and stay down until he fell asleep. Now I give him a BF, put him into his cot awake, turn the projector on and leave. He is content to drift off by himself and, on the odd occasion he does wake in the night, he usually hits the button to turn the projector on and drifts back off listening to it. It's a rare night that he's bouncing around my bed until 4am like he used to.

He has not been damaged, harmed, or abused by this. I'm fairly certain he still loves me and he's no longer a screaming, overtired wreck by mid - afternoon. It's win win.

It's hard OP but it is worth it, everything seems so much more doable once you're getting some sleep for yourself.

YANBU. I have never sleep trained but DD is a terrible sleeper, always has been. I wholeheartedly sympathise with anyone struggling to get a LO off and stay asleep. I feel there should be some cult where we meet in secret like the Freemasons and just cry about it, share tips, and take it in turns to have a ruddy good nap!

OP isn't leaving her child to cry so these links are irrelevant anyway.

Ok, does sleep training mean leaving the baby to cry?

Not necessarily, at least not in my book. There are various techniques to encourage sleep.

Thank you, that's what I thought.
I'm not talking about cry it out. Some of my friends have done that, one has twins and was about to lose the plot when she did it.
But I don't think it would work for us anyway, and I'm not up to doing it, it would be too much for me.

Also I agree with disappointed when she says it's not natural to sleep through, at any age. Although I have to ask why does everyone fucker else's child seem to manage it

clem

we have talked to a paed about dd because she is such a bad sleeper - she is 2.5. we had tried gentle sleep training around 1 yr but she became poorly and we stopped, and she was then distressed every time we tried again.

our dd is exhausted, she stopped napping at 14 months - and is constantly overtired we think.

she was helpful, and we are 3 days into very gentle sleep training - so far no tears, lots of stickers and i am finally not in her room hushing her to sleep. her night time wakings have reduced too.

what the paed said is that how she goes to sleep is what she expects at every normal night time waking - so as dh was hushing her to sleep sitting on her bed, she expected that at her 11pm and 4am waking, and we were exhausted with it.

it is normal for humans to wake up, then go straight back off to sleep, and that is what we are trying to teach her - to go straight back off by herself - but they can only do that if they learn to go off to sleep initially by themselves.

it is very hard - i bf her to sleep till she was 2.3, so it is my own fault really, and i have never left her to cry. but we are very gently teaching her now and it is working.

but if you can gently do it now while your lo is young, my advice is do it now.

hth.

Thancred your method sounds really positive. Hard work but positive. Would you follow the same procedure when dc woke during the night?

For the record, I am sat right beside his cot, which is still in my room (can't put him in with dd til he sleeps through) and he can see and touch me. If he cries I will lean over, cuddle etc til he settles, then rinse and repeat.

I don't understand all this stating that no one sleeps through the night so how can we expect babies to... I don't expect him to sleep soundly ALL night, I just expect him to roll over and resettle, the way adults do!