ordered to leave bf baby and ASC DD

[AlmondAmy]

I have the final contested hearing regarding DD (8) having contact with her abusive father scheduled for Tuesday. I had asked for it to be moved because I also have an exclusively breastfed baby who won't take a bottle and a 3 yo under assessment for ASC and the court is one hour from home so DP would need to come along with the DC as the hearing is 3 hrs long. However, DP is working on Tuesday, as I told the court at our last hearing one month ago when I explained my reasons for requesting it be moved. He has tried to get the day off but his job is quite specialised and the only person who could cover is on annual leave.

I received a letter today saying the court date stands and they won't change it. This means that I can't go and my daughter's (and my) abuser will be granted his requested contact. In order to attend I'd have to leave baby unfed from 8-4 in a nursery sheiisn't familiar with - if they'd even take a baby they can't feed. My 3 yo will not be taken on by any nursery because of her violence so where they expect me to leave her I've no idea - she'd be in total meltdown immediately if not with DP or I.

Surely this is discriminatory, to order that I attend under these circumstances? Or aibu to expect a date change?

Well, your childcare issues are no concerns of the court. Why can't you take them with you? Sounds difficult.

Can't you take them with you? Is there a little ante room they could wait in whilst you pop in to court? (Perhaps with an adult who works there?) I don't really know anything about courts etc, but you can't not go.

Can you hire a nanny for the day to come with you?

So - do you have a solicitor or anyone else who can offer you legal advice - What about going to CAB?

Failing that, is there another person you can take with you ( Mum, sister/brother, very good friend etc) and take both the children with you. Breast feed the baby when s/he needs it, even in court when necessary. They've ordered you to attend; you've explained why it isn't a good idea. They can hardly complain!

I know that this makes it much more difficult for you to deal with the court issue at hand but it is surely better than just not going?

Can you not take someone else to look after them?

Either that, or your DP will just have to tell his work that he simply has to have the day off.

Not sure if that's a sackable offence though, so best check first.

turn up with the children . try to take someone with you to sit with them while you go into the court room.

Check if there is a creche at the court.

Why can't you take the children with you?

Your DP will just have to have the day off, I know it's difficult but this is such an important thing so you need to attend.

Or take someone with you, there'll be a room for you all to wait in.

I had to go to court once and it kept getting put off because of another person not being able to sort childcare out, it was infuriating.

That's awful that they wouldn't change it. I'd take them with me, ideally with a friend/hire a sitter from sitters.co.uk or similar for the actual hearing but alone if I'd no other option, armed with surprise presents/activities for the 3yo and I'd just hope for the best - and be assertive if anyone says anything about you bringing them: they refused to move the date.

I hope it goes well.

Take the baby with you. Your DP will have to take the day off to look after your 3 year old.

DP has the legal right to take one days emergency parental leave.

Either he does that or you take them or find someone else- no family, or neighbours, or hired help or anything available?

Take the kids with you. Put baby in sling. Feed when needed.

Ideally your DP would explain to his boss that his place is with you on such an important day. A one-day absence won't bankrupt the business, surely. Failing that, take the children and another adult with you.

I would take the kids with you.
One day of inconvenience no matter how extreme to stop contact with an abusive father is worth it IMO

Whatever you do, don't not attend. If necessary get another adult (ideally DP or other family member but, if not possible, a hired babysitter) to accompany you and take care of them.

Have a look on www.childcare.co.uk and do a search on your postcode, it'll show you childcare in your area. There may be a babysitter or childminder in the area with vacancies for short term/emergency childcare - I'm a childminder and I offer this service, dependent on spaces. Leave your 3yo with a childminder or babysitter and take the baby with you. If they say anything about the baby tell them that you're breastfeeding and the baby can't be left.

I'd go and take the kids.

I have no one to sit with them. 3 yo would be smashing head against the wall, punching, vomiting etc if left with a stranger.

Take the baby and get DP to take parental leave. His company cannot deny him that.

Sorry, just realised your 3yo will meltdown if not with you. Still look on the child care website but search for someone near the court and ask if they can sit with the children for a short while when you go in the courtroom.

Obviously you must go. Which means you must take the children with you.

Do you have no one else who can help you with them on the day? Family? Friends? Someone you can pay for the day?

Too bad if the court doesn't like it - they didn't help you out by changing the date, probably couldn't - so they'll have to put up with the consequences.

Take the to court with you so that all concerned can see why you requested a change of date.

Or DP talks to his manager and explains the very real need for the day off.

thumb, it's all well and good to say that, but the courts have no obligation so if OP doesn't play along, she'll get shafted.

Surely you have someone who can look after your kids, although no idea what to suggest about the 3 yo's violence. Unless you take her with you, surely this would be a problem regardless of the date?

Is there absolutely no way your DP can take the day off? It sounds like a family emergency to me.