To be wide awake and unable to sleep - so come tell me your secret thoughts that you would only whisper down a deep well at dead of night.

[Salmotrutta]

One of mine is :-

I can't abide one of my colleagues.

This person is loud, wants to be the centre of attention and, whatever the conversation is about, manages to turn it around to them.

Good for you Notasingle - good luck with the doc.

Werks - I'm sorry you are worrying - wishing you luck too

werks sorry you're so scared prepare for the worst if it helps you feel more control over the situation. Action can ease stress. Fingers crossed for you

Bleak how is being posh equated to being gay?! I wish that was the case I loves a yummy mummy!

DangerGrouse I'm not posh and I don't think for one second it does equate. But many of my Northern working class chums do think that and think I am a bit la-di-da.

We all love a Yummy Mummy, but you'll have to join the queue, I was here first!

I still don't get why they think you are gay?! Have you asked them why they think that? I'm curious now!!

I've asked people, the problem is it is everyone I know. Even when I start a new job, the women in the office just presume straight away that I'm gay. In the sitcom Friends their used to be a storyline about the exact same thing happening to one of the characters

Bleak - I used to work alongside a guy in a pub/restaurant who was very well-mannered, well turned out and kind. All the other guys in the kitchen thought he was gay because unlike them he didn't treat people rudely or act like an overgrown schoolboy

Wait hang on are you male or female bleak?!?

male

I am having trouble sleeping at the moment too .

It's getting better , DD just had her 18th ( I worried that none of her friends would turn up to her party ) 9 out of 10 did and all was well

I'm worried about her A level results , will she get into uni , will she enjoy it , will I be a weeping wreck etc

I'm having problems with a former tenant threatening legal action unless I pay them £24 k which I obviously don't have and don't owe them

My Father has dementia and lives in a nursing home and I really dont want to go and see him .
He can't see
He doesn't know who I am , so why should I ?

I'm worried DH will die and leave me to deal with all this on my own

I'm not sharing my secrets. Far too much for one forum - I think most people would think parts of my life were lifted straight from a soap script. I have a bad confession though. Due my first baby in a couple of months, very excited, been very well behaved throughout. I don't miss anything I've given up, not even booze. With the exception of smoking. I genuinely cannot get the cravings out of my system, and the thought of that first ciggi in a few months.... There have been days where I've actually headed for outside to have one, without thinking (quit cold turkey as soon as I had two lines, not touched one in months). Passed a bloke today having a smoke, almost followed him just for the smell. Right, you can all call me disgusting now!

I had a really creepy night last night. I felt like I was going crazy with the thoughts running through my head. I am very stressed at the moment though which doesn't help.

Writing down my thoughts did though! They really were rather dark!

You aren't disgusting MrsGently! It's a tough addiction is smoking.

Dooilooklike - oh you do sound worried and sorry about your Dad

Thanks, Salmotrutta, it's pretty selfish of me though. I know I shouldn't even contemplate it, especially after managing nearly 8 months so far. But I know I will, as much as most women look forward to that first bit of alcohol or all the soft cheese they can manage!

AHHHHH right!!!! Okay sorry bleak got totally the wrong end of the stick! I mostly assume people on here are female sorry.
Right okay I can see why it would be upsetting for you. Xxx

I would like to get together all the people who have wronged me and keep them shut up in a dark, damp dungeon. I would then torture them and throw them in a deep hole to dehydrate to death.

My other secret thought is that I have lots of rescue cats. They fill the house amd like to sit in the sun in the garden. I sneak them in without telling dh and he doesn't even notice that the numbers of cats are going up and up.

I might have the odd fantasy about getting revenge too hiddenhome

Are you okay Aramynta?

That i am a professional but got a 2:2 in my degree. I dread telling people and them judging me (i didn't do that great in my A levels either) . The effects of this is that i get anxious about writing reports which is an essential part of my profession.

Nake - if you have progressed in your profession your 2.2 is utterly irrelevant.

I have another secret. I called in sick to work today. And tomorrow. I felt like I'd picked a scab by writing how I felt. Just been on another depression thread and felt like a liar saying I'm coping. Because I am not. I feel paranoid and low my head keeps saying I'm irritating and unlovable and why would DP want me. I'm washing down cocodamol with a glass of wine. Not too many. Just enough to SHUT MY FUCKING HEAD UP. Why can't I say this out loud?

I'm 49yo so in theory I could have another 49yo ahead of me but my diet is not one I relish for the next 5 decades.

I'm vegetarian and have been for 35 years. All good.
I don't smoke or drink (my choice) I thought I was doing ok.

But now, with my gallbladder gone and diverticular , the only relief I have is a very restricted: No Wheat,No Dairy,No Onions/Garlic/Limited Fruit/No Pulses.

Yes, I do feel better, but I still have very unreliable bowels TMI and going through Menopausal Flushes.

I love things like Christmas Dinner, and I love to cook for others. But a part of me, the whingey part, is thinking "What's the point" or (even worse) "Bowels, fecking deal with it. You'll have Christmas Cake, Cheese,Crusty Bread and you'll just bloody lump it for one day"

I know, there are far worse things I could be dealing with, but that's not the point of this post. It's a 'World's Smallest Violin' whinge.

I'm currently in our summer house in Sweden with just DH and our extended family. I don't want to go home. I want to stay here forever and not worry about work anymore - just chill with my family. I'm so tired of academia and all its demands.

Not - don't have any words of wisdom but I guess keeping talking about how you are feeling has to be a good thing. Hopefully both to folks on here and professionals. I think it must be a very hard thing to continue to get out of bed every day when everything in you tells you not to. I have had very low times but never been properly depressed and it's not a good place to be.

My deep 'secret' thought it that I have a very strong feeling that my DH is going to die before old age. It's fairly irrational as he is incredibly healthy - slim, fit, doesn't drink much, smoke or eat unhealthily - but for some reason I feel he will be one of those who just burn out too young. Can't really tell him that, it would freak the poor bugger out!

My other secret fear is that DH won't be able to cope with the baby we're having in 3 months time and that he will leave me. Again this is irrational as he is responsible and loves me and I know he will love the baby too but it is a fear that haunts me.

Sorry you are having these thoughts coffee right when you should be enjoying the immediate future. For what it's worth, odds say you are probably wrong. Congrats on the baby btw. Wonderful news to hear on this thread I've just smiled at the mental image of a round bump. Beautiful.

Ha yes it is very round - unfortunately I have already put on the 2 stone you are supposed to put on in the entire pregnancy, so am feeling rather cross with myself for eating too much and bewailing the fact that I'm going to be huge!

I think my fears are just my own fear of not being able to cope projected on to him. And also the fact that he can be quite crabby if he doesn't get a proper night's sleep, so I am just worried he will really struggle with the constant waking and decide he can't cope and bugger off. But I'm sure it'll all be fine...