Punishing while potty training

[purpleteapig]

I know the general advice is no punishments, just rewards etc etc, but I'm starting to wonder if this is the way to go. We have a dis just turned 3 who's been toilet training for a few weeks and he can definitely do it (everyone is of this belief - us, staff at nursery etc) but chooses not to at times. He'll poo/wee at the most inopportune moments and recently has done it when we've put him in time out for bad behaviour. If they were accidents I obviously wouldn't dream of doing this but they are definitely not!

We are both getting v frustrated by it and were considering using a punishment such as no tv for that day to try and break this cycle. What do ppl think about this - is it unreasonable? I genuinely don't know what to do if this isn't the answer, as feel we've tried most other stuff such as lots of praise & encouragement, sticker charts, treats...

There are an awful lot of incorrect assumptions being made here. I'm not 'forcing' things - he chose to wear pants several weeks ago and wanted to use the toilet. When I did put him back in nappies after this started, explaining why, he kicked off and said he wanted pants again. Several times he actually took the nappy off while in his room and put pants back on as he's determined to wear them. He had been 90% dry for a couple of weeks - that's how I know he can do it (bar genuine accidents such as when engrossed in play).

It's mostly, as I said, while being made to do something he doesn't like. To reiterate, he's not stressed or upset - it's something he does as an attention seeking/ control thing. Sometimes when he's seen that we've noticed he's got wet pants he'll laugh as he's figured out it means we'll have to give him attention (although now I've been given some strategies to not give into the attention seeking behaviour which I'm currently trying). He's a smart little boy!

why are you making your DS do things he doesn't want to? What sort of things and how frequently?

This isn't as ridiculous a question as it might appear...I mean really think about how many of these occurrences are actually genuinely necessary rather than just convenient (or not given you end up with poo to clean up!)

The majority of battles in our house are caused because adults say 'DD, do this now'...when saying 'DD, we will have to do this in 5 minutes when my phone alarm goes off' results in no fight at all....

That is my whole point here -- all toddlers are stubborn, and they are unreasonable. They lack the mental capacity to be reasonable and to understand reasonable explanations. Expectation that they can do so is misplaced.

To underline the fact that a child of three is 'stubborn' and post about it as if that was something unusual or requiring unusual treatment bespeaks a lack of insight into toddler nature, and it seems to me that there are unreasonable expectations of behaviour that spring from that.

I am asking what IceBeing asks 'why are you making your DS do things he doesn't want to? What sort of things and how frequently?'

I am suggesting you look at your own expectations of toddler behaviour and the way you are communicating with him. Both seem to be in need of tweaking.