Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think the majority of MN'ers are very hypocritical?

134 replies

BobbyElvis · 10/08/2015 15:41

Do you agree? For example, please compare and contrast these two threads I have read on this forum today...

Post 1.
A woman found out her husband had been to a strip club. 12 years ago, before they were married, on a drunken stag do. All fairly normal behaviour for most stag parties. No cheating, just a strip club. The reaction to this was unbelievable - almost all posters urging this woman to leave a happy marriage. This woman reiterated that she was very happy in her marriage but the consensus was STILL - LTB.

Post 2.
A woman kisses a man on holiday and lies to her husband. All of the replies apart from one tell her to sweep it under the rug and not hurt a happy relationship.

The double standards here are absolutely disgusting. I can guarantee if the thread was started by a woman asking for advice after her partner had kissed a woman on holiday the replies would be LTB.

Why is it okay for a man to be kept in the dark but not a woman? Do the women on Mumsnet have such low self esteem that they can't handle their "DH" looking at another woman on a drunken stag do but will happily have a drunken fumble in Spain for a quick confidence boost then laugh about it with their friends for years to come?

OP posts:

ArendelleQueen · 10/08/2015 15:42

You do realise that different people respond to different threads? These may be different people. MN is not one homogeneous group with the same opinion.

Also, people in general are often hypocritical.

Getyercoat · 10/08/2015 15:42

I think quite a lot of women, not necessarily all on MN, don't like men.
That's all.

CrystalMcPistol · 10/08/2015 15:42

Did the the same people post on both threads?

greenhill · 10/08/2015 15:48

Unless the same posters posted in the same way on both threads, you don't really have a legitimate argument

CarlaJones · 10/08/2015 15:50

I'm surprised people advised post 1 person to leave. I wouldn't have. Not sure what I'd advise poster 2.

Queenbean · 10/08/2015 15:50

I do notice this sometimes. People post one view on one thread, another on another

However

It's fdifferent people responding on each one. And usually, the first few posts set the tone for the rest of the thread .

Gottagetmoving · 10/08/2015 15:51

I have read threads where many posters appear to dislike men and find fault with them for petty stuff, but other threads where posters have defended the man in question very strongly.
I do find in general though that women tend to excuse or understand a woman's indiscretion but have zero tolerance for any wrongs a Nan may commit.
To be honest, I find men much more straight forward than women,...and so much easier to understand.

Gottagetmoving · 10/08/2015 15:52

Man,....not Nan!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/08/2015 15:54

You're unreasonable to think the 'majority' of mumsnetters are hypocrites.

TenForward82 · 10/08/2015 15:56

Those bloody nans!

I've certainly found a lot of posters rude, unnecessary personal attacks at someone they disagree with.

ShipShapeAhoy · 10/08/2015 16:00

You've only given the basic outline and not the precise details of each scenario. They may be reasons behind the different opinions more than 'man=bad'. I can't really judge having not seen either thread.

I doubt the 'majority' of mumsnet has posted on either or both threads.

You haven't said if the posters saying 'ltb' on thread 1 are the same posters who say 'sweep it under the rug' on thread 2.

People in general are hypocrites to some degree.

CerealEater · 10/08/2015 16:02

Lots of examples on MN but it may not be the same posters.

If a man posts his partner is moving oin, she's advised to to pay towards his mortgage unless on the deeds. When it's a man moving in unless he hands over everything he's a cocklodger.

Same as SAHP, MN majority say the woman is home to do childcare not housework but a man is slated if he hasn't cleaned in the same circumstance.

It's very anti-men on here.

CrystalMcPistol · 10/08/2015 16:03

I don't think it's very anti-men on MN.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/08/2015 16:05

I think it can be quite anti men. I've hidden the relationship topic now, it always goes the same way. LTB.

theyoniwayisnorthwards · 10/08/2015 16:06

Nonsense, you'd need to supply far more context and consider that people have different values before deciding it's gender thing. I'd be revolted if DH went to a strip club because I'd be grossed out that he was happy to participate in objectifying young women who could be economically, socially or emotionally vulnerable. If he kissed someone on holiday I'd rather never know and if I did find out it wouldn't be a massive issue.

NoStannisNo · 10/08/2015 16:08

Whilst I agree that different people post on different threads, I do agree in general with the OP that there is definitely a culture of double standards on MN.

Pagwatch · 10/08/2015 16:08

There are squillion of MNers.
There is no collective opinion. Threads vary depending on where they are posted, time of the day, who spots the thread title etc etc.

If you are posting on MN then you are a MNer. You can't really distance yourself from it all. It's random and everyone who posts is responsible for the tone.

ArendelleQueen · 10/08/2015 16:09

There are some anti-men posters on MN but there are in real life too. I don't think MN is that different from the real world.

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2015 16:09

The ones that get me are when a man is moving in with the poster and she's wondering what to do about finances. This is reasonable. Then people say she shouldn't make him pay any rent at all and that the OP should pay the full mortgage on her own. So in other words it's encouraging the man to be a cocklodger. I just don't understand this idea of "he's not there for you to make money out of..." etc. It's nothing to do with that - if he lived anywhere else in the world, he'd have to pay rent!

LurkingHusband · 10/08/2015 16:10

I think if you take any sizeable population, you could characterise it as "hypocritical", as it will always contain contradictory opinions.

To be honest, it would be a little more disturbing if MN weren't seen as occasionally hypocritical - it would mean everyone thought the same (looks for "Stepford Wives" icon)

[StepfordWives]

and fails

YouTheCat · 10/08/2015 16:11

It's not anti-men. It's anti-arsehole.

Unless the same posters are posting different opinions on very similar threads, then yabu to say that MN is hypocritical.

Impala77 · 10/08/2015 16:11

I have found on threads I've posted about my dh I get lots of "leave him" and "he's a wanker "type comments so yes there clearly are some men haters on here, but then that reflects real life.
On one post I was told if a man shouts at you during an argument its not normal and is abuse and that real men sit down and talk out a problem!!! wtf? I've never met a man like that, think poster must have had a1 in a million man there
But its life and People all have their own opinions don't they?

Spartans · 10/08/2015 16:12

I see threads where the same poster has told a woman to make sure her name is on deeds when moving, then gone on to tell another woman to make sure her husbands name is not on it and put in the kids names.

Neither marriage was in trouble. But that's the only time I can think of one person doing it.

Most of the time it's different posters, so you will get different opinions.

I do think women do give other women an easier time. Not just on mn. But then I think men generally give other men an easier time.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 10/08/2015 16:13

I think MN's main problem is some skewered version of feminism (not all, but there is a lot of hypocrisy and double standards on here). So many threads about women needing to fight for independence, not rely on a man, don't conform to the stereotypes of 'being a woman'. Except when you state you have no plans to marry. Then you're a silly girl, and what will happen if you split? You won't have full access to his money or house (the reverse obviously doesn't apply, you have a house, protect yourself at all costs or he might be entitled to it!).

Heidi122 · 10/08/2015 16:14

Wow what a generalisation

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6