Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
ssd · 07/08/2015 12:30

I can't stand couples who talk to each other on fb, feel like shouting NO ONE CARES

HarrietSchulenberg · 07/08/2015 12:32

I suspect that all was not sweetness and light in OP's home before last night.
No-one publicly lambasts their beloved husband/partner on social media then seriously considers leaving him for this, unless there are other (undisclosed) issues.
Drink driving is stupid but so is using FB as a means of retaliation, so you probably both suit each other well.

LittleLionMansMummy · 07/08/2015 12:32

Having been on the receiving end of a public Facebook sniping and having been made to feel completely humiliated (and bullied) you are totally out of order op. And what's more, other people dont like seeing/ hearing these childish statuses - it just males you look like an attention seeker.

Your dh was a complete tosser for drink driving and YADNBU for being angry with him. But for goodness sake don't take issue with it in such a public manner. Dirty washing isn't attractive.

hesterton · 07/08/2015 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aramynta · 07/08/2015 12:33

I think people who are caught drink driving should be shown uncensored pictures of the damage it can do.

It's horrific, but if it stops them being so fucking stupid..?

greenhill · 07/08/2015 12:34

Do you think you are livid because if he had died drunk driving all the support you gave him through his cancer treatment would have been all for nothing? Are you just facing up to his possible death, through another source, after feeling safe, now that he is at the other end of the treatment?

His personal sense of risk was suppressed because of the alcohol, but yours was heightened. I hope you feel ok soon.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 12:34

Sorry didnt realise it was childish.

Well then, MN jury. I suggest nobody drives or walks around Gloucestershire. Because DH might be driving and you are very much at risk of being hit.

But dont worry, I will keep that info to myself, and we will discuss it at home, where he will continue to roll his eyes and tell me Im overreacting.

And no, actually nothing is underlying here.

OP posts:
lotrben17 · 07/08/2015 12:36

actually I'd consider leaving DH if he repeatedly drove while over the limit. It's putting innocent people at risk. It'd be a deal breaker for me.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 12:36

Why would the op's home life have been bad before? How is that a logical conclusion? She has said that she loves him, that this is a massive betrayal because he's not normally a cunt at all but some people on think they know better Hmm

Weird and also arrogant.

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 12:37

op people have said repeatedly that the police is the way to go If he's repeatedly drink driving and pedestrians/other drivers etc aren't safe. No one is saying just ignore it but posting on Facebook will not stop him, his friends have shown that.

BootsTheCat · 07/08/2015 12:38

They have mugs of red wine on their desk? Good grief I can't even imagine what kind of company encourages that. It might actually be beneficial if you DO get him the sack and he finds something else, they sound completely unprofessional.

LittleLionMansMummy · 07/08/2015 12:38

Sorry Monkey - I am guilty of overreacting to these Facebook things for the reasons I've stated.

Does he do this a lot or was this a first/ one off? You're right to be angry, especially as he sees nothing wrong in what he has done. If he smelled that badly of beer, do you believe he only had 4 pints?

ovenchips · 07/08/2015 12:39

Different name for this You've quoted me. I may be being obtuse but I don't understand what you are saying about my quote in your post. I said she needs to take time to process her feelings before she deals with this.

But OP does need to be calm to deal with it and I don't think she sees that. I don't think any of us can help calm her down the day after tbh and this thread is probably fanning the flames. Time is what is needed IMO.

But not sure why you quoted me? I've posted twice on this thread and haven't called her a single name.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 07/08/2015 12:41

FFS delete your post on facebook woman, not even RTWT

if you don't like him anymore that's fine, but don't shame him on facebook

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 12:41

I've been with my dh for almost ten years. In that time we have fallen out twice and both occasions have been where dh has said or done something that hasdmassively shifted the parameters on our relationship so that me and the DC don't come first. Both times we've sorted it out and me and the DCs always come first for him and he and the DCs allays come first for me.

In any marriage the partnership and family have to come first otherwise what's the point? Everything has to be for the benefit of that unit but that does not negate anyone's right to personal happiness because that is fundamental to the success of the family.

The op's dh has done something to undermine that tacit agreement in the marriage and the op is rightly livid.

The5DayChicken · 07/08/2015 12:42

Interesting to see the OP getting a lashing for a petty Facebook think when she did it out of anger for the far more serious issue of drink driving Hmm. Facebook shaming is worse than taking the risk of killing somebody then?

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 12:43

I suggest nobody drives or walks around Gloucestershire. Because DH might be driving and you are very much at risk of being hit

What is the point of this warning? You're acting like you have no weapons here. Do something positive about it and report him to the police. I don't want to have to watch where I'm walking because people won't report drunk drivers to the police.

I know people have said it's pointless, but in your position last night, I wouldn't have known what the procedures are. Did you try to contact the police last night? If not, why not?

I could counter that if a relative of mine were killed by your DH, and I discovered that you'd known about the issue but done nothing more than rant about it on FB, I might feel you were complicit (wrongly, but I'd still feel it).

You clearly (and rightly) have a legal and a moral objection to what he did.

SnakeyMcBadass · 07/08/2015 12:43

No, I'd never drink and drive. And if DH did I'd be furious. But I wouldn't use Facebook as a way of showing my anger. Because it's twattish and cringeworthy. If it was the latest in a long line of fuckery, I'd ask him to leave. Then when people asked why he was no longer living with me, I'd tell them. But broadcast a marital row on his bosses facebook? No.

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 12:44

But dont worry, I will keep that info to myself

No, give the info to the police.

AyeAmarok · 07/08/2015 12:46

I completely get why you are so angry OP. I would be LIVID at this. I don't know how you can make him see how terrible it is that he did this, if he's that arrogant. He'll do it again, no doubt, and if he kills someone and goes to jail, then maybe he'll appreciate it. Unfortunately an innocent person will have lost their life then though.

FB isn't the way though. Although hopefully some of his friends saw it and will think differently of him. He deserves that.

I think this would be the end of my relationship if my DH did something so stupid and showed no remorse.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 12:50

So how would this reporting to the police work then in this particular scenario? Setting aside the fact that that particular course of action may not have the most positive outcome for anyone.

Op phones police and the following occurs??

Op: hello, I want to report a drunk driver.
Pol: ok, do you where is the driver heading and the route please?
Op: no, he's just come home and stinks of drink.
Pol: so he is not currently drink driving?
Op: erm no. He's here at home.
Pol: Right. Could you call next time when he gets into the car please?
Op: erm, no because I wasn't there.
Pol: well next time you are.
Op: he's not done it before.
Pol: Confused

Seriouslyffs · 07/08/2015 12:50

I think what you did was fine.
DH drunk drove, minimised it and then someone else there was crowing about what a great night it was and you called them on it.
The fact he's the boss is irrelevant tbh- he lost all 'boss status' and credibility with the initial comment.

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 12:54

Moving I completely take your point. But I wouldn't have realised that last night, and given the level of fury and righteous indignation the OP is displaying, I would have given it a fucking shot. If I felt like an idiot at the end of the call, fair enough. But I would have done it.

But the disconnect between the anger and the unwillingness to actually do anything constructive is apparent.

chicaguapa · 07/08/2015 12:55

I agree with a pp in whether this is a typical attitude for him. Eye rolling and telling OP she's overreacting when she's expressing a genuine concern for the wellbeing of him, her family, his job and other people on the roads isn't very respectful tbh. The attitude would make me as livid as the drink driving.

I find it quite depressing how many wives seem to condone this behaviour in their husbands. I really thought that drink driving was socially unacceptable but it seems to be ok after the event as long as no-one got hurt. Hmm I wonder if other pp would change their tune if it turned out OP's DH had hit something on the way home after all?

If I was the OP I'd tell DH in no uncertain terms that if I got a whiff of him doing it again I'd report him to the police. And absolutely follow through on that if necessary. Once is careless but twice is a bad habit that needs stopping.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/08/2015 12:56

Well leave him and/or phone the police the second he arrives home. They will breathalise him and, if he was sticking of beer as you say, it's very likely he will be over the limit and will be arrested. If not, they will give him a serious warning if he was close to the limit and if he is well under the limit, then you'll need to accept he was fit to drive as it's unlikely he would metabolise huge amounts of alcohol on the way home unless he was driving back from London, say, which I assume he wasn't. Make it clear to him that you will be doing that if he does it again.

Just don't plaster it all over Facebook and involve third parties