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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 12:56

I think highlighting the inappropriate behaviour to his peers is a constructive course of action. Maybe those involved will think twice next time?

Hulababy · 07/08/2015 12:56

What he's done isn't great I agree. I'd be fuming too.

But I think you need to remove the FB post. It won't help either of you in the long run, and could make matters far worse as well. Delete it ASAP.

shoesSHOES · 07/08/2015 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 07/08/2015 12:57

It would be a deal breaker for
Me without question.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/08/2015 12:58

People dont condone it - what the prevailing attitude seems to be in this thread is do something about it that actually will be preventative - ie call the police.

If someone posts saying their DH is having an affair, the usual advice is to do something practical - ie go to a solicitor or have counselling. Not to post the info all over Facebook

Ilovecrapcrafts · 07/08/2015 12:58

5 day chicken:
"Interesting to see the OP getting a lashing for a petty Facebook think when she did it out of anger for the far more serious issue of drink driving hmm. Facebook shaming is worse than taking the risk of killing somebody then?"

You can only give advice to the person asking for it. If OP had drunk drove and her H had posted on FB this thread would NOT be full of posters saying "don't worry OP, but isn't your H a Cunt?!" OP would be villified for drunk driving

But OPs H isn't here, nor is he reading; nor he is asking for advice. OP is. And she's getting it based on her actions.

BootsTheCat · 07/08/2015 12:59

This is what happens when people have their boss as a Facebook friend...

It goes without saying that the drink-driving was an extremely irresponsible thing to do, but the OP asked if SWBU for posting on Facebook about it, and so that is what more people are focussing on. I don't think that means people are condoning the drink-driving!

Ilovecrapcrafts · 07/08/2015 13:00

The police will not breathalise him when he is home. It is none of the polices business if you are drunk in your own home. They have to witness you in control of the car and breathalise you whilst you are in control. There are lots of misinformed posts re the police here

The5DayChicken · 07/08/2015 13:02

ilove, people telling her to take it down would be sufficient with regards to the Facebook bit. There are many posters going far further than that.

Tobiasfunke · 07/08/2015 13:04

I hate fb. I never put anything personal or of any really importance on there. But I honestly can't believe that what the OP did is being regarded as worse than a repeat offender drink driver who thinks it's ok and works in a culture where it is accepted.

People on here are minimising it in a rush to berate the OP over her fb use - According to people on here he was an idiot who may not have known he was over the limit but the OP is not mentally capable of using facebook, hysterical, a loon.
It beggars belief quite frankly.

And if he said it was 4 pints you can pretty much bet it was more.

Is drink driving not regarded with the same horror anymore? It was in my day but then when I grew up in the 70's people were killed all the time drink driving or by drink drivers.

differentnameforthis · 07/08/2015 13:09

Those telling op to report him to the police...they will do NOTHING after the fact because NOTHING can be proved.

It's not helpful going to the police unless op knows exactly when & where he is if drink driving!

Even then, it is not guaranteed that they will have the man power to find him.

Did you try to contact the police last night? If not, why not? because he was AT HOME by the time she realised he had been drink driving.

I really thought that drink driving was socially unacceptable it is, until you dare to tell the world that you had a go at your dh for doing it. That's even more socially unacceptable, it would seem!

Well leave him and/or phone the police the second he arrives home. They will breathalise him and, if he was sticking of beer as you say, it's very likely he will be over the limit and will be arrested. They won't even come out to the house. Because THERE WILL BE NO PROOF THAT HE DROVE WHILE DRUNK!!! So he is unlikely to get breathalysed, let alone arrested.

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 13:09

I think highlighting the inappropriate behaviour to his peers is a constructive course of action

From the OP's description of her DP's work/office culture, I strongly doubt that shaming in front of a load of similarly-minded dickheads is likely to be constructive. But as a general principle, sure, I could agree with you.

In this case though, I don't think it's the most constructive course of action (phoning the police) or even the second most constructive course of action (hightailing it out of there).

As I said, the disconnect between the OP's emotions and her chosen course of action is palpable.

BeyondTheWall · 07/08/2015 13:10

Thank you for posting that movingon, i was just going to say, the police cant do anything unless they actually catch someone drink driving!!

I dont think fb shaming was inappropriate btw, for someone who is doing something so bad and just doesnt care.

WayneRooneysHair · 07/08/2015 13:12

OP is this the first time your DH has done this or is he a repeat offender?

flamingoland · 07/08/2015 13:13

If I were your husband's boss, I would think you were absolutely bonkers to be honest. Especially if you had commented that on my status.

differentnameforthis · 07/08/2015 13:14

Am I the only person who is TOTALLY astounded that people here REALLY think the police have the time, man power & resources to go to instantly (because people sober up, so they would have to go pretty quickly) to people's homes & breathalyze them if someone calls in a drink drive incident?

Pretty sure it would happen if an accident occurred & the person left the scene, but because a wife called them & said her dh/oh had got in drunk...nope.

"yes madam, we will instantly come and breathalyze your dh because you told us he drove home drunk. Of course we will do that, even though a lady a few streets over needs us because her dh is beating her up"

Please!!!

BeyondTheWall · 07/08/2015 13:14

And no, his work mates might not care (how did they get home btw? Just curious) but his other friends might, his family might.

JohnCusacksWife · 07/08/2015 13:15

I get that your angry - I would be too. But Facebook?? Really? Don't wash your dirty laundry in public. It's embarrassing for you and others

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/08/2015 13:15

I'd be livid too, tbh.
But I wouldn't put it on FB, and I wouldn't have posted on his wanker boss's post either, because clearly, as you've said, they all were having a good drunken time, and they probably all drove home over the limit, so why would they care that your DH did so? All you have done is given them a stick to beat him with next time - they'll goad him and laugh about how you have a pole up your arse about his drinking, and he'll probably feel obliged to drink as much/more again and drive home just to prove he's the one wearing the trousers in your relationship (I'm assuming this is the sort of laddish culture you're talking about - I've seen it in action before).

However. You are NOT over-reacting. He could quite easily have lost control and killed himself and/or other people, it happens all the time. He got lucky, and if he doesn't realise that, then he's a fucking idiot.

But he's not going to admit that to you now. Even if there is a part of him that thinks "fuck me, shouldn't have done that", he is never going to back down and admit it now.

So - draw your line in the sand. If you decide that this is a dealbreaker, then tell him if he ever does it again, you're off. Let this time go - but make it clear that it's the last time. Then if he does push it and do it again, be prepared to follow through.

ReginaBlitz · 07/08/2015 13:18

Sounds like you hated him before this anyway. Tbh o hate drink drivers it's low, but I also wouldn't put personally shit on fb as its just embarrassing, for you as well.

MaidOfStars · 07/08/2015 13:18

different Just because you have the clarity to think through the likely outcome, please don't assume that others, especially in the heat of anger/desperation, would understand procedures so rationally or intuitively.

If my husband drove home hammered, I'd phone the police. I have no idea what the normal procedure with drink driving is. Maybe I think they might record his licence plate for future use, I don't know.

After ten minutes, according to you, I'd feel like a bit of a twat. That's fair enough. Nothing lost.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/08/2015 13:18

A police officer can absolutely breathalyse you at home as long as they are not trespassing. The OP will have invited them in - hence no trespass.

But, in any event, they can even force entry to your house to do so if they have reasonable belief that you have been driving

Check The Road Traffic Act 1988

WayneRooneysHair · 07/08/2015 13:20

The police will need to see the DH behind the wheel of a car, they can't arrest him for being drunk in his own home.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 07/08/2015 13:20

Nothing I have said or can say will make him see how serious this is. He just doesnt get it, pure and simple.

Not being daft, but do you think it's the way you're saying it to him?

If you tried speaking to him like a reasoning, mature adult then maybe he'd respond in kind.

But hysteria, trying to drop him in it with work & moving out are never going to get a good reaction are they?

If I were him & his boss I'd be blocking you on Facebook to prevent similar lunacy as well.

muminhants1 · 07/08/2015 13:22

It's astonishing that people seem to think that the OP has done something wrong by posting on FB. I might not have done it, but I can totally understand why she has, and she's hardly been hysterical.

Drunk driving is clearly not as socially unacceptable as it should be. 2000 people die each year in the UK due to car accidents (not all caused by drunk driving) but people on here are more worried about a rude FB posting.

I agree that the OP should have called the police though. Even if he had still been under the limit, it would have given her OP a wake-up call.