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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
shizzlesandglitz · 07/08/2015 18:19

God some of you are so bloody sanctimonious hmm The op was within the law.

Says who? Was OP breathalysed? No. Two glasses of wine could quite easily be over the limit even if you felt absolutely fine.

PlumpAndPlain · 07/08/2015 18:21

It's not about sanctimony, Two glasses of wine and I'd be seriously dubious about driving, 4 pints of beer I wouldn't be worried. (as much)
The point being that both amounts would position some people on one side of the law and other people not.
We don't know the details of their tolerance, their body size their diets etc etc
He was a fool, granted, but she's not?

What you've got is one person minimizing their actions and saying it's ok and the other side not represented.

What if he post's up that she'd had nothing to eat all day, weighs five stone and the the alcohol always goes to her head and makes her drunk really quick. still ok ?

PlumpAndPlain · 07/08/2015 18:24

Just realized i'm posting under the wrong user login.
The post's on this thread are psynl ramblings Blush

Jux · 07/08/2015 18:27

I think that police have certainly nicked people for drunk driving after they've got out of the car at home.

OP, you could certainly contact the police next time he's out with the work lot, and let the cops know where they're drinking and tell them it's likely they'll all be stepping into their cars and turning on the ignition at about 10 or 10.30. If the cops are hanging around when the guys leave, then it's likely they'll be looking for taxis instead (or phoning WAGs for lifts).

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/08/2015 18:28

Sanctimonious? How is it sanctimonious to simply be a responsible driver? To make sure you never take the chance of being over the limit by not ever driving after drinking?

In most areas, certainly in the OP's area, there are bus services and numerous taxi firms to utilise when you've been drinking. Or the coworkers could make sure there are one or two designated drivers, although it sounds unlikely they would do this, based on what the OP is saying.

CatMilkMan · 07/08/2015 18:28

I'm not sure the police are going to be waiting outside 1 pub or restaurant just in case someone breaks the law.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/08/2015 18:29

And no, the OP shouldn't have been driving after two glasses of Lambrusco either. I didn't see that comment - clearly I missed that one.

syne · 07/08/2015 18:31

Christ I don't even know my own login name not psynl, syne...

vicarinatutu · 07/08/2015 18:47

he will have almost certainly been over the legal limit for driving after 4 pints.

and yes - police act on tip offs. thats how most drink drivers are caught unless they are so plastered they have no lights on or are weaving all over the road.

the penalty is usually charged to court (you can drive until court date) but then its usually an instant ban and a fine.

its not just stupid. its dangerous. i work in the emergency services and see it all the time. and the results.
best thing to do if driving is not drink anything at all - then you know your within limits.
the law changed recently too - so there is no grey area any more - if you blew just over you could opt to go to bloods - thats gone now and its a straight up charge to court.

grace - your dh is an idiot. if this is a regular thing he will get caught.

Jux · 07/08/2015 18:47

They do around here, CatMilk. Particularly when it's a pub near the 'border' with the next county. DH is a musician, and so often sees them holed up near the pub he's playing in that night, breathalysing punters as they emerge with car keys in hand.

vicarinatutu · 07/08/2015 18:49

jux is correct too
you can be arrested on suspicion of drink driving even without being seen to drive - the key word there is suspicion

there is also drunk in charge. if your pissed and in your car with the keys on you, you can be arrested for being drunk in charge - if you have the capability to drive and your pissed your fair game. rightly.

notapizzaeater · 07/08/2015 18:55

Are you sure how much he'd had If he was slurring his words and stunk of lager ?

bigbumtheory · 07/08/2015 18:56

Your husband is a complete arse and out of order to boot. That he's minimising this is disgusting and short of refusing to be near/with him I'm not sure what you can do.

The better AIBU to get comments to perhaps make your husband think would have been to post your AIBU up to 'am i mad' and then put 'what would you say to your DH or any other twat thinking of drink driving'?

You might have got some great responses. FB isn't the way to go, though I understand the need to shame it sounds like no one you mentioned it to would even care- scarily.

If your husband still doesn't care now though, I'd say nothing you or anyone else says will reach him. Only when his car is wrapped around a lamppost or he leaves an accident or people hurt/dead in his wake may he care.

And that kind of man I would want nothing to do with, certainly not letting my kinds in a car with him.

bigbumtheory · 07/08/2015 18:58

I don't have a drink at all when I drive, though interestingly --or scarily- my policeman friend said usually most drunk drivers aren't found that night. A higher number are found the morning after, people who think they are sober and don't realise.

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 19:00

big, I totally agree the amount of mums from school that have been caught on the school run is scary. I think someone local must have called the police as over a month 3 have been done for drink driving on a Monday morning.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 07/08/2015 19:01

You are absolutely right to let rip but YWVVU for putting it on Facebook.

bigbumtheory · 07/08/2015 19:04

msgrinch, really? They must have had some number of worries to have done that. It is really scary, I drive a lot on a sunday morning as you can tell the really slow drifting drivers are most likely the over the limit ones who just don't want to think that they are.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/08/2015 19:10

When you have a job and a family, you wonder really how anyone could be stupid enough to risk so much and drink drive, knowing how much it could at best create havoc and at worst kill someone. I can only think that people assume they won't get caught or they aren't really that drunk. It's like russian roulette.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 19:12

He is home from work and utterly baffled as to why Im so mad Confused

He is clueless. He thinks he has done nothing wrong.

Oh, actually, his latest excuse was that he had a hot curry and I could smell the alcohol as it was coming out in his sweat.

Seriously, who is this man?

OP posts:
msgrinch · 07/08/2015 19:18

We live in a small village which pretty much has a shop, pub and school, so alot of the social life is sitting down the pub, roast dinner, letting the kids play in the garden, I've noticed this ends up with everyone going back to someone's house an drinking continues (get carried away etc), then a wander home. next thing you know it's Monday morning, got to get kids to school, drive to work and the police have obviously been told and yeah, three in a month. It's scary to think that this is a regular problem on the school run but I think it's more common then we like to think. I've been guilty of polishing off a couple of bottles of wine over dinner with a friend, waking up feeling fine etc but I don't drive so I guess it's a bit different.

I've got in a car with a friend once only for her to say, halfway into the journey, that she'd drunk like a fish last night and felt rough. Hmm This was a Tuesday at 8 am.

Pumpkinpositive · 07/08/2015 19:21

He is home from work and utterly baffled as to why Im so mad confused

Is he not mad at you for your exploits on FB?

Seems like he under reacts and you over react.

As well as driving over the limit, in his case.

redbinneo · 07/08/2015 19:22

OP:
Why on earth did you put it on facebook? It could follow him for the rest of his life. This could impact both of your economic futures.
Obviously he is a twat (but you can deal with that), but why fuck both of you up?

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 19:23

Nope he hasnt mentioned my comment. It obviously got deleted quickly and not mentioned to him.

He is just ambling around oblivious to the issue. Although he did desperately as to put the baby bed to bed and is apparently auditioning for father of the year.

OP posts:
Ilovecrapcrafts · 07/08/2015 19:27

You are arrested on suspicion of DD at the roadside because roadside tests have quite a high failure rate. This allows the police to take you in for further testing. It's not something they go round to people's houses arresting them for.

Pumpkinpositive · 07/08/2015 19:27

It obviously got deleted quickly and not mentioned to him.

Ah, ok. Do you think his boss might mention it at a later date? If so, how do you think your husband will react? (I know you say you don't care...)

Although he did desperately as to put the baby bed to bed and is apparently auditioning for father of the year.

Doesn't sound as if you like him very much, OP. Thanks