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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH. Drink driving. Facebook. This one has it all!

606 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 11:04

Im fucking LIVID with DH.

He went out for a meal last night. Came home at 11pm, and I got hit by the smell of beer straight away.

He said initally he had 4 pints with a big meal over the evening, today he has changed that to 3 pints.

Im literally fucking steaming. Im no goody goody, I drink like a fish, but Id NEVER consider getting behind a wheel.

What makes it worse is that it was a performance car he was driving, and he depends on his license for his job.

So, as well as possibly killing himself and others, he also risked his job, his home, everything. He had to come home rurally too, and the chances of hitting a deer or another animal at that time was increased. Not to mention teenagers hanging around during summer holidays.

Can you tell Im mad?

Anyway, I just let rip, publically, on facebook. He still doesnt think he has done much wrong and that Im over reacting. So Ive blasted him publically. I hope his boss reads it and I hope he is FUCKING MORTIFIED.

Its almost a deal breaker for me.

Anyway, Im wondering whether Ive made myself look like a twat for using facebook to shame him. Should I remove it?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 17:24

Really moving? Catching someone about to commit a serious crime is a waste of police time? That's a new one on me

I agree that "Catching someone about to commit a serious crime" is not "a waste of police time" but that is nothing to do with what I was actually saying.

Mrsfrumble · 07/08/2015 17:24

I don't get why OP's DH driving while over the limit is her "dirty laundry" or simply a "domestic issue", as if she and her DH were the only people who could have been affected by his actions and their relationship was the only thing at risk, rather than the lives and safety of innocent strangers.

Monkey has made it clear that there is a culture of heavy drinking at her DH's work place, and he might not have been the only one who drove home after drinking too much. When she commented on the boss's post, she simply pointed out that, no, it wasn't a great night out if this drinking culture and collective turning of a blind eye led to employees taking such risks.

Ilovecrapcrafts · 07/08/2015 17:24

"Read the thread. Count how many people are condemning the OP. Compare it to how many are condemning her husband. It's astonishingly simple to do."

Can you point out a post which said posting on FB is more objectionable than drink driving? Because that's what you accused posters of doing

youareallbonkers · 07/08/2015 17:25

3/4 pints over the course of an evening would not necessarily put him over the limit. You clearly don't understand this

TeresaGuidice · 07/08/2015 17:26

Alice apologies..you didn't mention phoning the police, just that she should let you know as you're in the area. I thought that letting the police know first was more of a priority than alerting her neighbours. Of course posting after the call to the police is a good idea. I'd also be tempted to name and shame the business but that's not fair on the decent folk that probably work there too.
Stealth I think she means reporting a slap to the police

silveroldie2 · 07/08/2015 17:31

I'm trying to understand why it's perfectly ok for the OP to drink a couple of glasses of lambrusco and drive. She said in an earlier post I don't drive after wine. I may have driven after a couple of glasses of lambrusco but that's it! What the fuck is lambrusco if it's not wine?

I don't condone her DH for drink driving but surely the OP is no better.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/08/2015 17:35

Teresa I rather thought that her ringing the police if he was about to drink drive was a given. Grin

Moving I've not only read through the thread, I've worked for the police for many years and I am well aware of the ins and outs of drink driving and what evidence/info the police need and what they can do. That is why I said that she should ring the police if he was out drinking and getting ready to drive drunk.

youare the OP has already stated her DH isn't a huge drinker, which means the likelihood of 3-4 pints over a 3 hour period affecting him are pretty high. And is she supposed to take that chance? Give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not over the limit and just wait and see if he kills someone else on the way home?

TeresaGuidice · 07/08/2015 17:39

Can't be too careful on MN Alice Confused
Zero tolerance is the way forward, stops all the debate about how many drinks and it affecting you or not.
You either drink and get a taxi or you don't. No discussion

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 17:40

I don't disagree Alice. Although unless the Op is with him she's not going to know is she?

To be clear this is what I think (as I am being addressed directly) because I cross posted and I'm not sure who is replying to what any more:

If someone slaps you should call the police regardless of your whether you are married to them or not.
If you know someone is drink driving call the police.
If your partner comes home drunk and drove home don't call the police because there isn't anything they can do.
Drink driving is morally wrong.
I would not drink anything before driving. My dh does not drink anything before driving.
I'm sure a breathalyser or a court do not care what you have been drinking just whether you are within or without the legal limits.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/08/2015 17:45

Moving I imagine if he gets drunk and drives home regularly from work parties, it's probably a safe bet he'll do it next time.

Teresa I agree, zero tolerance. Once I've had one drink, I refuse to drive. I have always reasoned that my children may see me have one glass of wine - but they don't count how many glasses I've had - they only see me having wine or a drink. If they then see me drive, what message is that giving them? That it's okay to drink and then drive, because they are not seeing how much I am drinking or counting units or whatever. And while they're children and/or teenagers and not driving now, I'm well aware that what they see now will shape their opinions later in life. Not to mention I have seen the devastation drink driving can have on lives due to accidents, jobs lost due to being caught, families falling apart when it all comes to a head. Nope. Not worth it.

PlumpAndPlain · 07/08/2015 17:56

I'm curious as to what he was drinking.

woolymum · 07/08/2015 17:57

there is a problem that you can't preach what you don't practice.
you see your alcohol comsumption before driving is safe and fine.
he believes his is also safe and fine.

zero tolerance is the only way forward imo.

there is a point your driving crosses over to illegal, but your driving skills do not clearly flip from safe to unsafe as soon as that point is crossed.

don't drink any alcohol and drive and don't drive hungover. it really is that simple.

either he (and you) accept that or i would argue it is all over. his attitude stinks (and is very distrespectful).

there should really be a similar rule of drinking and posting on fb, but at least that won't typically kill someone and tear families apart

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 18:00

Moving I imagine if he gets drunk and drives home regularly from work parties, it's probably a safe bet he'll do it next time.

Alice the op has expressly stated this is the first time and completely out of character for her husband.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 07/08/2015 18:05

He was drinking lager.

He stank of alcohol and could barely talk properly.

I had two glasses of 5.5% wine on one occasion (which keeps me entirely within the law)

Not comparable.

OP posts:
TeresaGuidice · 07/08/2015 18:06

Alice sounds good, yes zero tolerance works. My children not only won't ever see me with a glass of wine then drive, they see us walk to school/activity the next morning, as a hangover here is enough to get you done for Dd... they know that you're not allowed to drive the next day if you've had wine the night before. Who'd have thought it , in Glasgow of all places

This discussion over different wine strengths and some being ok to drink then drive afterwards sounds so odd to me now, it's as alien now as lighting up a fag in a restaurant !

PlumpAndPlain · 07/08/2015 18:06

but what kind of larger there is quite a difference between them

PlumpAndPlain · 07/08/2015 18:08

Also if you weren't breathalyzed how would you know you were within the law?

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 18:08

Huge difference in lagers Heineken etc are alot stronger than carlesburg etc.

WayneRooneysHair · 07/08/2015 18:08

You don't get it OP, you are still drinking and driving.

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2015 18:10

But within the confines of (english) law

msgrinch · 07/08/2015 18:11

Also it's still drink driving op, you had two glasses of alcohol and drove your car. This is why zero tolerance is being called for, it stops the blurry line. Unless you were breathalysed you don't know if you were within the legal limit. You may have felt fine, I feel fine after 2/3 glasses of wine as I seem to tolerate it well but I'm of no doubt that my blood alcohol would be over the limit.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/08/2015 18:12

God some of you are so bloody sanctimonious Hmm The op was within the law. The op's husband was by all accounts shit faced.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 18:13

This is the thong though, unless breathelised no one knows if they are in the confines or not. That is the problem, which is why I agree with Scotland on this.

There are people on this thread that have been breathelised and they have been well under the legal limit after 3-4 pints. I know however that even 1 glass of wine would probably send me over the limit as I have no tolerance to alcohol at all.

Bubblesinthesummer · 07/08/2015 18:14

Sorry typos... stupid fingers

shizzlesandglitz · 07/08/2015 18:16

Another one who thinks you're incredibly hypocritical when you yourself have thought nothing in the past about driving after a couple of glasses of wine. (Yes, Lambrusco counts as wine. Head in sand if you think it doesn't count as the percentage isn't as high as others.)
You're both as bad as each other, sorry. If it's that important to drink on a night out or when you've been out, GET A TAXI. Or a designated driver.
Incredibly stupid to comment on FB as well. No wonder the boss deleted it. I wouldn't want a potential public fight or backlash on my page, either.
Not to mention all the other ramifications it could cause.